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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to invite IL's on our holiday?

30 replies

mimimomma · 17/02/2012 06:58

We've booked a short break in Centre Parcs next month. when I'll be heavily pregnant. The idea is so that dh can take dd swimming, biking etc, while I join in with what I can and want to do.

We've booked a 3 bed place (for the same price as a 2 bed in case friends wanted to join us for a night). Now my dh has asked me if it's ok to ask his parents to join us for some of our break. Now we have been abroad with my parents in the past, but our situation is different with both sets. His parents live within a mile of us, and we see them nearly every week, mine live 200 miles away and we see them every 6 weeks-ish.

AIBU to not want his parents to join us? They are perfectly lovely, but it's not really what I had in mind for our holiday.

OP posts:

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 17/02/2012 07:03

YANBU. It would be ideal for you to have your dd spend time with just her parents before the baby comes. Can you tell your DH that you have asked your friends and they have said they will be coming for one night, which prevents you pil coming?

YellowDinosaur · 17/02/2012 07:05

If you get on with them and you would have asked friends anyway I think you're being a bit mean tbh. Just because they live nearby - it is very different staying with people than just popping over for short visits. Plus if you are only joining in where you feel able maybe your dh wants a hand with dd?

The only thing I would do is double check that the friends you have already asked don't want to come as I personally would want at least a couple of days as family only.

diddl · 17/02/2012 07:26

If friends can be asked, why can´t parents?

mnistooaddictive · 17/02/2012 07:26

People who come and join you and aren't on the occupier sheet for your cottage have to pay a daily rate. You can't put your friends and inlaws down because that is more people than beds so if they both come, one lot of people will have to pay.

Newmummytobe79 · 17/02/2012 07:29

I'd just tell him you were really looking forward to it just being the three of you before the baby comes along.

Has he mentioned it to his parents/have they hinted?

Have you asked the friends?

diddl · 17/02/2012 07:33

Also wonders why you don´t want to be with just your daughter & husband, though.

Happypiglet · 17/02/2012 07:34

See I would like my IL there. Free babysitting for you one night? Help with DD? I know your DH should want to spend all his time alone with DD but TBH in his situation I might like some help so I have a bit of a holiday too.
If it is only for part of the hols then I think YABABU

toddlerama · 17/02/2012 07:36

Have PILs asked DH when "their" holiday with you will be? Do they know you've been away with your parents?

clicarhel · 17/02/2012 07:42

Friends are different from parents. People behave in different ways around friends. YANBU.

clicarhel · 17/02/2012 07:44

Your dh probably wants free babysitting facilities-but don't Center Parcs have these anyway (?) If so, I am wrong on this one.

PosiePumblechook · 17/02/2012 07:48

Why would you want friends there?

clicarhel · 17/02/2012 07:51

Presumably because the opening poster wants to let her hair down a bit in a way that she cannot do with in-laws. I wouldn't want my in-law (s) on holiday with me. You go on holiday to get away from their shit and the daily grind of life (no matter how nice they may be).

If they are there, you may as well stay at home.

WinkyWinkola · 17/02/2012 07:54

You are allowed to choose who you want to go on holiday with you know. And seeing as you see your in laws every week I can understand why you wouldn't go on holiday with them. YANBU.

And did they take their in laws on holiday with them?

legoballoon · 17/02/2012 08:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clicarhel · 17/02/2012 08:08

I obviously do not know anything about anybody else's financial position here but I can assure you that going on holiday with your in-laws is a thing that was once done out of financial necessity -not through choice.

Simply put, those poor buggers who had to spend time with their in-laws were more or less coerced into it by economic circumstances. Don't insult them, opening poster, by having the in-laws around if you don't have to

Tell your dh that you need time alone and nice as in-laws are, you need time as a couple.

Trills · 17/02/2012 08:23

I wouldn't want to have other people there, personally, so I think YANBU to not want your in-laws there.

However, you were willing to have another couple join you, so YAB a bit U because you are saying that his parents are less acceptable than your friends.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 17/02/2012 08:33

YANBU. We occasionally go away with both my parents and in laws. I don't enjoy it as much as when it is just me, DH and kids. If heavily pregnant I definitely would not fancy it.

clicarhel · 17/02/2012 08:37

A holiday is about letting your hair down. Friends are friends because you pick them and you can be more relaxed with them. Of course friends are not comparable to in-laws.

Newmummytobe79 · 17/02/2012 09:01

I agree friends are not the same as inlaws.

I do think you need to find out if the seed has already been planted though?

Good luck x

TheCrunchUnderfoot · 17/02/2012 09:06

Absolutely say no. It doesn't mean that you don't get on with them! In-laws TOTALLY different to friends. Smile and say no, you don't want that kind of holiday. At all.

Chestnutx3 · 17/02/2012 09:15

Every time we take the ILs on holiday I say never again. So happens every 2 years as I "forget" - thank you for reminding me.

Unless you are one of those people that don't trust babysitters go alone. You only have one child think your DH can deal with one but probably he is thinking he won't get a break so wants his parents.

IME it is good for your DH to spend as much time with his DD before the birth of the second as he will need to get used to it.

fedupofnamechanging · 17/02/2012 09:21

I would not want to spend holiday time with parents - it's a good opportunity to relax with your dh and dc and maybe some friends.

If you do agree to let them come, then let it be for the last night only - lie if you have to and say you have friends coming on nights one and two. If you let them come for the first night, you will never shift them and they will be there for the whole of your break.

rookiemater · 17/02/2012 09:35

Is it a 4 night break or a 3 night one? How far away are they from the venue?

It's nice for extended families to be together and it would be a shame to potentially alienate ILs when new baby is coming, however I see your point about wanting a break and being able to relax. We are just back from CP and DS ( only child ) is very into the water slides which I hate so had a very relaxing break whilst DH went down the flumes most of the day

I'd say if your DH is really pushing then one night only for a 3 night break and 2 nights for a 4 night break, preferably in the middle so you get the start and end on your own.

clicarhel · 17/02/2012 10:10

Any in-law with any sense would realise that you and your dh needed this space before baby was born, if they are decent people they won't want to be there, anyway.
I wouldn't be alientated and if your in-laws have any sense of timing at all, neither will they be.

clicarhel · 17/02/2012 10:13

I don't see that there is a right time for them to be there. It will be stressful at the beginning, middle or end.

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