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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at sniping from another mum?

43 replies

Impsandelves · 16/02/2012 23:43

We have DC's the same age and sometimes get together for lunch and a play at either of our houses.

After they have left I am always left feeling a little annoyed at some of the comments from the other mum, aimed at my DC and usually involving comparisons with hers. They are aged 2.5. I think it's ridiculous!

Yesterday she said my DC was disgusting because she didn't jump up to wash her hands before lunch. I don't actually know any 2 year olds who volunteer for this or remember to do so all by themselves. Honestly, I don't expect my 2 year old to remember that, I don't remember ALL the time.

She also compares their counting, speech, toilet training, and just about anything else you can think of regarding their development. Seriously, why?!! Her comments always leave me feeling deflated and flat, is she trying to piss me off?

OP posts:
ChaosTrulyReigns · 16/02/2012 23:44

Did she actually use the word disgusting? Shock

Time to find more friends medear.

Pandemoniaa · 16/02/2012 23:45

She's no friend, that's for sure.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 16/02/2012 23:45

oh totally edge her out

you don't need her draining you, truly

mrscumberbatch · 16/02/2012 23:47

Second vote on getting some new pals. She sounds like a horror.

FWIW. I can't get dd to wash her hands before lunch and quite often I just leave her to it. So your DC isn't disgusting. Mine is Grin

She can stick that in her uppity pipe and smoke it.

BupcakesandCunting · 16/02/2012 23:48

She's a nobber with no life so she focuses all her attention on her children's "achievements", so it is apparent to her when other children do not fit the grade that she has arbitraily set for hers.

Chin her next time.

GrahamTribe · 16/02/2012 23:48

I'd drop her. I had a relation like that (note had, rather than have, she's history now AFAIAC). It's very wearing and really not worth the annyance to tolerate someone so damn irritating.

skybluepearl · 16/02/2012 23:51

can you jokingly complain about it? just say 'oo you sound like a right competative parent' every times she makes a comparison. you could also add that you prefer not to compare kids as they all have different strong and weak points.

Original poster
Impsandelves · 16/02/2012 23:51

Yes - urghh disgusting - with a laugh. She is very straight talking and to the point, I think her personality is part of it.

OP posts:
Shakey1500 · 16/02/2012 23:54

I agree, time to distance yourself.

I arranged a playdate (hate that term, is there an alternative?) when ds was in toddler group. The mum turned up at 11.30am with a bottle of wine Confused Now I'm partial to a drop myself but on a play date?? I eased her out slowly Grin

Original poster
Impsandelves · 16/02/2012 23:58

I can only take her in small doses. Trouble is, our DC's are good friends. I know they're only young but my DC asks about hers every week.

What do you do when the mum gets annoying but your children are friends? I would be sad for my DC if we cut the friendship.

OP posts:
Original poster
Impsandelves · 16/02/2012 23:59

That made me laugh Shakey, know a mum just like that!

OP posts:
mrscumberbatch · 17/02/2012 00:01

I have mums and children coming round for lunch after toddler group next week. I had planned on offering wine. It will be roughly 12.30. Is this acceptable?

It just dawned on me that it may look a tad party animally/mad alcoholic.

Pandemoniaa · 17/02/2012 00:02

After some epic shit stirring in RL by someone who prides themself on "speaking their mind" I'm a bit tired of "straight talking" people at the moment. So very often it is merely a justification for downright bloody rudeness.

I bet if you gave this friend a taste of her own straight talking medicine, she'd take offence immediately too. Because these people are very quick to give out the criticism and very reluctant to accept it themselves!

squeakytoy · 17/02/2012 00:03

No 2 year olds are really good friends... yours would soon stop asking about hers... I would end the "friendship".

ChaosTrulyReigns · 17/02/2012 00:04

Yup.

You could use Rent-A-Friend when they're 2yo. Definitely.

disloyal little creatures

IndieNile · 17/02/2012 00:09

She sounds unpleasant, are you sure you want to continue to see her? Even if you are desperate for your DD to have a playmate of the same age, is it worth taking the risk that this odious-sounding woman will damage your DD`s confidence and self-esteem with her remarks and comparisons?

Why does she make these remarks? Either she thinks she is Supermummy and has given birth to a prodigy PFB, or conversely she is trying to reassure herself about her own child`s development by making constant comparisons.

Whatever the reason, she should keep quiet. If she`s upsetting you, either try talking to her about it or else just stop seeing her.

SarahSlaughter · 17/02/2012 00:10

Have you called her on it? I think sometimes people get used to telling off their own children and forget that you might do things a bit differently.

I have an otherwise lively friend who was always harping on at my two about saying "please". Now don't get me wrong I think that it is very important to teach children good manners but if the children said something perfectly polite such as Mummy, may I have another biscuit?" she would jump all over them saying "please" even if it was in my house.

Now adults use all sorts of phrasing to tacitly say "please" and "thank you" we don't actually expect the actual words all the time and I was quite comfortable that my dc were using appropriate phrases and tone.

I let it pass a couple of occassions until it drove me up the wall and then politely corrected her when she did it again. She took my point and it hasn't caused any bad feeling.

I would be annoyed about the competitive thing too. Just tell her you are not interested in comparing the children and that it isn't productive or helpful.

Original poster
Impsandelves · 17/02/2012 00:10

Ok, quick question, how many of your DC's friend's mothers do you genuinely like and get along well with, with no issues like sniping, morning wine drinking, etc? ;)

OP posts:
SarahSlaughter · 17/02/2012 00:15

If my DC have friends whose Mums are a bit hard work I tend to invite them round with at least one other Mum& child. Sometimes a buffer is useful.

Alternatively meet up at an activity eg a park etc I find less chatting is required as everyone is chasing after their kids.

can you tell I've done this a lot

Original poster
Impsandelves · 17/02/2012 00:20

Some good calls Sarahslaughter. And that really gets my goat too - other mums interfering and calling my DC on something I am fine with.

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fuzzPigwickPapers · 17/02/2012 00:20

Aaaah the my-child-is-better-than-yours mum (or dad). Good for amusing MN threads but nowt else :o

bejeezus · 17/02/2012 00:20

Edge her over her shaky! That's my kind of play date!

impa I would only meet up with those mums who I like. Obviously you don't really know until you've met up with them sometimes. Are they friends from nursery? They can see each other there...I definitely wouldn't spend time meeting up with mums I don't like. But I'm not very good at faking it..

SarahSlaughter · 17/02/2012 00:20

I get on well with most of them. There is one woman whose kid loves coming here but she can be occassionally awful. I look forward to next year when they will be five and the rule seems to be that Mums no longer stay at playdates.

I actually have more problems where the Mums are lovely and the kids are ahem challenging.

Original poster
Impsandelves · 17/02/2012 00:29

I have the sniping one and another who wants me to get far too involved in her private life, lots of tears and downloading of personal issues. I hardly know her!!

I get along well with the others. All sorts of characters though, that I'd probably never get to know were it not for our DC's.

OP posts:
SarahSlaughter · 17/02/2012 00:36

Definite public place meet ups from now on with the one who overshatesImps preferably in really busy public places.

Actually Motherhood has been really good for me in this respect, I have never previously had such a large group of female friends. It's nice and I've met some really lovely and interesting women through my children's active social life! :)