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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at sniping from another mum?

43 replies

Impsandelves · 16/02/2012 23:43

We have DC's the same age and sometimes get together for lunch and a play at either of our houses.

After they have left I am always left feeling a little annoyed at some of the comments from the other mum, aimed at my DC and usually involving comparisons with hers. They are aged 2.5. I think it's ridiculous!

Yesterday she said my DC was disgusting because she didn't jump up to wash her hands before lunch. I don't actually know any 2 year olds who volunteer for this or remember to do so all by themselves. Honestly, I don't expect my 2 year old to remember that, I don't remember ALL the time.

She also compares their counting, speech, toilet training, and just about anything else you can think of regarding their development. Seriously, why?!! Her comments always leave me feeling deflated and flat, is she trying to piss me off?

OP posts:

startail · 17/02/2012 00:36

Imp is she truly annoying or just insecure in her own parenting skills.
If she is simply insufferably smug you know the answer. If she's just tactless because of her own insecurities you may just have to smile and nod.
2 year olds are much nicer to know if they spend with other children rather than getting bored.
Only you can judge whether her company is better than that of an attention seeking toddler.
Personally, adults have to be very annoying indeed

TheCatInTheHairnet · 17/02/2012 00:43

IS this your first? DH, SIL and BIL and I really laugh at how judgemental we were way back when we only had one boy each (10 months apart!). We would meet up for the weekend at the PILs and then drive home bitching about one another for the entire drive home, as clearly THEY were getting it wrong and we were doing it ALL right. Thank God for us all that we both ended up having more children!!!

SarahSlaughter · 17/02/2012 00:44

Star Personally, adults have to be very annoying indeed"

oh yes, absolutely. Especially on rainy afternoons!

Shakey1500 · 17/02/2012 14:51

Beejesus you can help yourself to her she's strange

I possibly didn't word my post correctly. I have no problems drinking wine in the afternoon as my liver will attest. More that, it was our first "playdate" and I'd have thought that you would get to know the alcohol habits the person better type thing. I'll get me coat

duckdodgers · 17/02/2012 15:01

shakey I normally cant abide all this playdate nonsense but for your wine bringing friend I may make an exception

tantrumsandballoons · 17/02/2012 15:09

Send the mum with the wine over to me, she might be more fun than DS2s current best friends mum, who only drinks Evian, decaff "proper coffee" and herbal tea.....in my house we drink plenty of wine tap water, Nescafé and pg tips, she generally goes home thirsty!!

GavisconJunkie · 17/02/2012 15:16

She sounds just lovely. Ditch the bitch.'life's too short. My dd1 is 2.1, her speech is miles ahead of her friends, but her hygiene habits (finger up nose, in nappy ALL the time!), temper, sleep etc etc etc leave a lot to be desired compared to the others. I have a core of friends from my NCT group (yes, a lovely non-competitive nct group!!!) & a couple of playgroups who get the whole non competition. Other mums have come & gone for trying to get their kids to perform rather than play. I'm too knackered to deal with moronic boasts.

If you don't feel you can ditch her altogether, the 'buffer' mum is a good idea.

Also wash hands before lunch? I've done well if I use wipes on her AFTER lunch! Scummy mummy.

rhondajean · 17/02/2012 15:18

"Decaff proper coffee" is an oxymoron!

perceptionreality · 17/02/2012 15:20

Bin this 'friendship' - she doesn't know the meaning of that word!

tantrumsandballoons · 17/02/2012 15:22

Proper coffee was her words not mine!
Personally I think Nescafé is just fine!!

Oh and her dc only drinks organic apple juice- luckily she carries that with her else he would be thirsty too :(

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 17/02/2012 16:02

Well she would definitely think my 2 year old is disgusting then as it takes mega bribery to get him anywhere near a sink to wash his hands!!

I agree with whoever said "ditch the bitch". From experience, these types of friendships never work out well and she will just grind you down. She sounds exactly like an ex friend of mine. Her DS is the same age as mine and she would constantly be comparing them and making digs and snipes about DS. Everything in fact. Any excuse for a boast or a put down and she'd be there. She has older DCs the same ages as mine and once she asked me what DD1 wants to be when she's older. I said possibly a hairdresser and she did an awful cackle and said "Oh well it will be handy having one in the family to sort YOUR hair out I suppose". Nasty bitch.

I really wish I'd kept my distance from her in the early days but for some reason I didn't, I guess I gave her the benefit of the doubt and thought she was a nice person (as she would do over the top nice things) but was insecure. In the end, she turned into a psycho bitch from hell on a girls' night out and I ended up telling her never to contact me again. I didn't realise how much she was draining me until this had happened. I immediately felt relieved that I wouldn't have to meet up with her again, I was getting so worked up on the journeys to meet her and her constant smirk got on my nerves. I think she built our friendship on feeling superior to me.

So my advice would be, ditch her,drift away from her, be polite if you see her but don't get involved with her any more. It won't end well!

StrandedBear · 17/02/2012 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

youarekidding · 17/02/2012 16:17

My 7 yo doesn't wash his hands before lunch neither do I. We wash hands after food handling, arty stuff, the loo etc. Even then if my DS has been to the loo in the middle of something exciting he has to be reminded to go back.

I find totally agreeing and being happy about it drives these types of people up the wall.

so "er discusting I can't believe your 2yo doesn't auatomatically wash their hands for lunch"

reply " yep, thats my DC, he's very discusting, he's great at messy play and not at all precious about a bit of dirt. It's lovely because I know he can relax and enjoy himself and he's rarely ill because he's not kept overly sterile"

Not really much they can say to that

GavisconJunkie · 17/02/2012 16:22

No Standed I think it's only for show! I hope. Anyway, germs are good for the immune system aren't they?!

StrandedBear · 17/02/2012 16:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 17/02/2012 16:52

I like youarekidding's suggestions too! People like your "friend" hate it when people are secure and don't get defensive at their poison comments, she wants to grind you down and make you feel insecure and inadequate.

dlady · 17/02/2012 16:58

youarekidding we are the same, if we have been indoors then I think hand washing after loo is sufficient. If girls have been outside then they wash their hands before eating. Luckily they are old enough so I don't have to remind them after loo, which I seemed to do for years.

So rude of the OPs friend to criticise, there are always mums like this. I have come across a few in my years of parenting.

youarekidding · 17/02/2012 17:16

Sadly in this case I am the voice of experience.

Luckily for me it turned out to be insecurity on behalf of the woman - who is now my closest friend. Actually she did have something to say to my agreement - it was " how are you so relaxed and worry free? Don't you ever feel like you should be raising DS to a certain standard?"

She is no longer competitive and much happier to enjoy her children.

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