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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask my childminder not to take my children to MacDonalds

134 replies

parakeet · 16/02/2012 20:38

They are 4 and 8, and have not yet enjoyed the delights of the golden arches. My reasons are mainly to do with the poor quality and unhealthiness of the food there (salt, fat). I know the occasional visit won't do any harm but I don't want them to get a taste for it, and perhaps pester me for return visits, and it will be hard for me to explain why not. I don't judge those who do go there, I'm just explaining my reasoning for context.

So, my child told me the childminder had said she was planning a trip. Would it be unreasonable of me to say I'd rather this didn't happen?

By the way, I've decided that if my children get taken there by their friends' parents as part of a day out, then fine. I just think if I'm actually paying for their care, I should be able to express some preferences over what happens.

OP posts:
dontaskwhereIlive · 17/02/2012 19:01

....and sometimes one of those cheap and small icecream cones Grin

PeppyNephrine · 17/02/2012 19:10

I'd kill everyone of you for a quarter pounder, fries and milkshake right now.

SecretMinceRinser · 17/02/2012 19:51

I have to laugh at people who say their child finds chocolate/McDonalds etc disgusting. The only people I have ever known say that have spectacularly fussy kids which isn't anything to shout about imo. My kids eat super healthily on a day to day basis - because that's what they're offered. Given the choice between my homecooked meal and a Happy Meal followed by a bag of sweets I've no doubt what they would choose but they don't get that option. Every now and then I will get them McDonalds (they generally split a Happy Meal) or let them have some take away (which salt and fat wise is likely no different to McDonalds). They don't pester for it because it's not some kind of forbidden fruit and also because they know pestering will get them nowhere.

SecretMinceRinser · 17/02/2012 19:55

Also if your child is so used to wholemeal houmous pittas that they would find such processed food unpalatable then I can't see why you would object to your child being taken to McDonalds.

GavisconJunkie · 17/02/2012 20:05

Surely it's not ALL about the food being unhealthy? Peoeobject to the ethos too, I'm one of those people. I consider it to be bland, tacky & exploitative & to stand for everything that food should not be.

I don't object to local chippy at all, but in moderation of course

I also object to the wY it sounds like it's being built up & hyped as 'special'. I'd speak to her & make your objections clear. They mY grow into Mac munching teens, but why start them early?

However I agree with worra that your stance re friends' parents taking your dc is confused & confusing.

SecretMinceRinser · 17/02/2012 20:09

I personally think by banning it you are making it more special than letting them go as a one off.

bbcessex · 17/02/2012 20:11

I don't think it's the McDonalds.. it's that the Childminder thinks that going there is a 'trip' that needs planning and looking forward to!

Flippin crap trip that is!
Maybe she can plan a holiday to Wimpey..
Or "The Golden Egg"... ah, the Golden Egg

SecretMinceRinser · 17/02/2012 20:13

All the op has said is that the cm has asked her for permission - which judging by some of the responses on this thread she was wise to do!
Have I missed the bit where she has said she has a nuge ticker on her front dor with 'only 16 days to go until we go to McDonalds!' or something?

OriginalJamie · 17/02/2012 20:19

The healthy choices can easily "realistically happen".

We go occasionally and we always have the carrots and the fruit bags alongside the other stuff. Because my DCs eat fruit and veg every day normally, they see this as an entirely normal part of a meal. Mine don't see McDonalds as anything special. They also realise it's not ideal food, just as they realise it's not a good idea to eat pizza every day.

As someone else said, you can ask for no salt on the fires, and they can drink milk, water or orange juice

OriginalJamie · 17/02/2012 20:20

That said, you have every right to say no.

OriginalJamie · 17/02/2012 20:20

fries not fires

Goldenbear · 17/02/2012 20:28

The OP isn't objecting to the ethics of Macdonalds though? In fact what is she objecting to? She mentions the high salt, fat of the food but has said that the chippy is fine occasionally- it's all a bit of a mystery.

'why start them young?' - surely if youre going to think like that you need to avoid all supposedly 'bad' foods, including the chip shop treats? Equally, you could say why start young with the obsession with the nutritional value of everything. Young children don't have the ability to rationalise like an adult so they will ask questions about why such a ban exists and then draw simplistic conclusions about certain food making you fat. This isn't good because it is not true!

PattiMayor · 17/02/2012 20:36

FWIW, my DS was taken to maccyds when he was about 3, I never took him myself and he never pestered me. Now he's 5, I take him about 3 times a year and even though he loves it (he only cares about the toy), he's never 'pestered' me about it.

Can't you just say no? It's not like they're not old enough to understand the logic

SecretMinceRinser · 17/02/2012 20:39

Of course the op has every right to say no but I do feel sorry for kids whose parents do this or similar (not allowing treat foods at parties etc). The vast majority of adults eat food that is bad for you in excess occasionally. The best way to teach kids about moderation is to show by example - not pretend that junk food doesn't exist. A diet that consists entirely of fuel and nothing that is eaten just because it's enjoyed doesn't promote a healthy attitude to eating imo. Food can be eaten solely for enjoyment - just not all the time.

brdgrl · 17/02/2012 20:45

Of course YANBU.
Doesn't matter if it is McDonald's or the freaking House of Lentils. It's your call.

You are employing someone to look after your children, and you are entitled to set ground rules about what they do and where they go.

(and no, you are not being precious.)

GavisconJunkie · 17/02/2012 20:45

It's the crushing cynicism of McDs I object to & their horrid exploitative marketing what is shit food (agree re everything in moderation etc, but it IS shit) directly at children.

My kids can learn about how to eat crap in moderation without the help of a freaky paedo clown thank you very much! :)

KateSpade · 17/02/2012 20:46

Yeah, true.
It feels good to come home and eat proper food.

A one off trip is fine, my mum when i was little only let us have mcdonalds on every so often.

Yet, when we got a bit older and my Grandma looked after us, she'd take us maybe once a week/fortnight.
It didn't do me any harm, but i'd suppose id rather go their with my daughter when she's older like once a month than her having a Gregg's sausage roll shoved in her mouth...

PattiMayor · 17/02/2012 20:48

Last time we went to McDs, the toy was a Michael Morpurgo book and a finger puppet ...

Tanith · 17/02/2012 21:09

"You are employing someone to look after your children, and you are entitled to set ground rules about what they do and where they go."

No, she's not. She's using the services of a self-employed childminder. There are no "ground rules" to be set.

OriginalJamie · 17/02/2012 21:11

I think, that the worst thing about McDonalds is the lack of recycling. The terrible packaging waste. It really would not be hard for them to recycle. That's the only thing that really distresses me about it

brdgrl · 17/02/2012 21:24

"You are employing someone to look after your children, and you are entitled to set ground rules about what they do and where they go." No, she's not. She's using the services of a self-employed childminder.
OK, fine. I will rephrase. You are hiring someone to look after your children, and you are entitled to set ground rules" etc etc...

There are no "ground rules" to be set.

That's absurd. If one "uses the services of a self-employed" gardener, one tells them what they'd like done in the garden. They might make different suggestions, based on their knowledge, and they might not agree with the job they're being asked to do, in which case perhaps the working relatinship should come to an end. But if they came in and started planting roses where one had said they would prefer lavender, they would be out of order.

If my childminder told me I could not set any ground rules, I would laugh myself silly and then show her the door. Fortunately, she understands that we essentially have made a contract, by which she provides me with a service and I pay her. She told me her ground rules (four hour minimum; cancellation policy; she likes to have certain snacks in for her...) and I told her mine (television policy; what DD eats and doesn't eat; she's not to take DD on her bike...). Of course, my childminder is entitled to say she can't work with me if I insist on those instructions, but not to ignore my instructions.

cutegorilla · 17/02/2012 21:33

brdgrl she likes to have certain snacks in for her

Given a childminder works in her own home surely she can have whatever snacks she likes and it's none of your business?!

As a service provider with more than one customer a childminder is not the same as a gardener. A childminder will be caring for more than one child from different families and will have to balance their needs (a gardener won't be simultaneously gardening in more than one garden) so it's more than likely that they won't be able to do everything that you ask. For example if you want your baby to nap in a cot from 2-4pm but the CM has to collect children from school at 3.30 it's just not going to happen is it. So just because you pay doesn't mean you can dictate how she works. A CM is more like a nursery in that regard than like a Nanny who works for you in your home and I would fully expect to do as you asked.

OkayGrrl · 17/02/2012 21:38

I have a craving for a big mac now.

But they're your children, so you get to decide.

brdgrl · 17/02/2012 21:49

You're right, gorilla my situation is not comparable and I have confused the positions, sorry. And yes, I see your point about serving multiple families. But I would still maintain that there are areas in which the person paying for the service is entitled to expect cooperation, and diet in particular is one of those. Couldn't I expect to say, for instance, that my child doesn't eat meat, and expect that to be observed even within a multiple-client nursery?

I suppose maybe it is a question of arranging things in advance, saying "my using your service is conditional on x" and giving both parties the option to say "no that won't work for me"...but I still think that constitutes "ground rules" and I still don't see how that is an unreasonable expectation.

cutegorilla · 17/02/2012 21:54

Yes, but then things like being vegetarian and setting ground rules about diet should surely be negotiated at the start of the contract. If it is so important to OP that her DC doesn't eat McDs then that should really have been made clear from the outset. The CM would have been perfectly within her rights to go to McDs without asking. She's obviously very conscientious :)