to be royally farked off at my friend's behaviour

[mrscumberbatch]

... I have been friends with this guy for 10 years.
He got married on a whim a few months ago. I have never met his new wife.

He popped round for a visit and I told him congratulations etc. And also that if I'd have known/been invited I would have gotten them a gift but given the circumstances this has not been possible.

I know a fabulous rural couple's retreat. Vair vair swish and relaxing. I offered to book them a weekend there as a honeymoon/wedding gift.

Friend v. pleased and says thankyou and goes home to consult wife for dates that suit.

Given those dates, I go and book and pay etc.

2 weeks before they're due to go he tells me that he is cancelling as he didn't realise it was so rural. I gave them brochures/website/etc prior to them choosing dates.

AIBU to be hopping mad at him for wasting my time?

Grumpla =lol Can just imagine you getting taken to labour ward in a charabanc!

Noones ,It's an odd set up, but when I was growing up there was me and a bunch of about 6 guys who all had shared, quite specific interests (in music, gigs etc.)
They mostly all still hang around with each other, but I moved away and would see them sporadically at gigs etc. We've never stopped being friends but we're not bothered about seeing each other every month as we knew we'd catch up at some point.
Then I had dd and the only one I really only still was in contact with this one bloke in particular. I think he sees me as someone that he can confide in (as he has done maaany times) and get advice. So like mum that's the same age as him!

When he started seeing this girl I heard from him less and less but just thought 'He's happy and busy, I'm happy and busy. Will catch up at some point. No biggie.'

Having started this thread thinking that I was being unreasonable for maybe not being a good friend and missing his entire relationship and wedding etc I am now doing a bit of an about turn.

I think maybe it's all run it's course and we don't need to be friends any more. I'm quite sad about it but I've supported him in so many ways in the last 10 years and he wasn't there for me when I had dd. He's met her twice. She's now 2.

I won't stop being his friend per se. But I'm not going to make any effort whatsoever. I think that's quite fair.

And noone's I think we'll be better off without them in the long run.

Fancy a pal? lol.

And Almostfifty. If you get the chance do take a visit. It's an amazing place and the restaurant is beyond fabulous!
If you book early you can get accomodation while the Scottish Series is on at Kames, fab atmosphere and great banter with all the yachtsmen (and ladies)!

Did i read that right - you paid for your friend and his new wife to go on a swish weekend away when a) you have never met his wife and b) they didnt even invite you to the wedding?

cough cough

yes desperatenotstupid

I may or may not have made bad life choices.

i wouldnt go as far as to say its a bad life choice, just a bit of a strange thing to do

MrsCumberbatch "Fancy a pal? lol."

Him? No way!

You? Yes please. Kind and generous new friends are always welcome

LightoftheMoon - I heard on the grapevine that he married her, which I think is just what he deserved. Not sure if they are still together though.

desperatenotstupid, when you put it in black and white like that yes it does seem strange but I couldn't NOT give him something for his wedding. It wouldn't be 'proper'.

And thankyou noones..... I think that wedding/divorce is prime for a facebook stalking.

you could have given them a set of wine glasses or some bath towels though

That would also be really boring though. Also i don't have a stock of wine glasses and bath towels handy, but I do have loads of brochures that I've nicked from classy establishments.

What a faux pas.

Tomorrow i'm going to stock up on towel bales, in case of any future emergency weddings.

Glad to have been of assistance Its ok, you don't have to thank me, but [hints] I wont cancel if you feel the need to buy me a weekend away

Have you asked why they didn't invite you to the wedding? Were you not pissed off by this? Seems a very generous gift for a friend who has snubbed you and not even introduced you to his wife?! Why did you get them such a big gift after these snubs?!

Lmfao.

Thanks to you lot and I think I might be a bit of a walkover.

I don't have any friends that would pay for me to go away for a weekend.
Nor do I have any friends that would loan me their diamond earrings for a night out nor one that would let me use their spare room once a week and get their tea and breakfast made for them (to escape a wild commute).

Forget toxic friends or toxic relatives. I am toxic to my own bloody self.

running, I wasn't invited because it was a rushed, on a whim type thing so I never considered it as a snub.

I didn't think that the gift was overly generous at the time. Just thought it was an amazing gift for a pair of newlyweds.

ah, you sound perfectly nice to me - im sorry if my face made you Was such an amazing gift, i think you should go instead - your friend sounds like an idiot

That is such a beautiful part of the country.

They could have taken a run down to the Loch Fyne Oyster Bar and indulged in some lovely seafood.

They don't know what they're missing and they don't appreciate you.

OMG. I went there last September. It is gorgeous. Your friend is barking to turn it down

I was a bit earlier.... I am giddy with now.

I don't want to turn into a cynical horror around all of my friends but I genuinely think that there's a lot of take take and not a lot of give give. On the emotional front as much as anything else.

I'm sad because I'm an idealist.

Is there no way you can go yourself, take some fantastic photo's of all the fun things you did, then post them on the forum of all passive-agressive evil Facebook with them tagged so they can see what they missed.

Absolutely without a doubt I can't go. DP works weekends and I don't drive.

Letting my parents sleep on it and then I'll deal with it tomorrow.

There's already pictures of me having a fabulous time there on Fudbook! goes on a tagging spreee

Noooo that would just be evil. But very very amusing.

Quick update: My parents decided that it was too short notice as they had already made work related plans involving meetings etc so I bit the bullet and called the place today.

They're not charging me a jot. Not one pence.

Lady on phone was lovely and said that it was a shame that our plans had fallen through and that they hope we keep them in mind for future jaunts etc.

Seemingly they're very busy and not worried about it not being occupied as there's always somebody who can make use of it!

I think I might be in love with this place......

That's great - I now love them even more than I did. I was looking at our diaries earlier to see when we could squeeze in a wee weekend (or even a night!)

That's really great news.

Register your friends email address with them and have them send him updates of how lovely it all is. And tag those photos. And look online for any good reviews or news articles about the place and send him those.

I like you vicious bunch of vipers

We should arrange some sort of mumsnetty exodus/paradise there.

Wine, food, and send the kids off with the DP's. Bliss!