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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to let my 11 year old daughter go on a train journey on her own?

77 replies

BeattieBow · 16/02/2012 12:02

throwing this open to the MN jury!

my dd who was 11 in October (so y 6) is in Brighton currently with her father and siblings. she wants to stay a day longer and come back on the train on her own. she would be put on the train at Brighton and picked up at Victoria.She is a sensible girl. She comes home from school on her own once a week and stays in the house until we get home (around an hour). She is also left on her own at the weekends if she is still in bed. I would let her go to the local shop or on the tube a couple of stops but she refuses - I think through laziness rather than being scared.

What would you do?

OP posts:

CharminglyOdd · 16/02/2012 14:28

If you speak to platform staff they will have no problem letting someone go on the platform to put her on the train and meet her straight off it - they have let me on to say goodbye to DP who is nowhere near 11 and they often do it for children waving goodbye to Granny etc.

mummytime · 16/02/2012 14:30

To all the people who wouldn't let their kids do this, do you think kids magically mature between the end of year 6 and year 7?
Because around here, very close to London, lots of kids have train journeys to school which involve one of more change of trains. It's only one and a half terms and those year 6s will be year 7s. It's best to start with small steps, and this is an easy journey.

MamaLazarou · 16/02/2012 14:31

YANBU - I did similar journeys at 11 and was fine. As long as the kid is confident enough.

shagmundfreud · 16/02/2012 14:39

I used to fly from London to Thailand and back 3 times a year on my own at the age of 11.

You'll find that many boarding school kids of that age do epic journeys alone.

jesuswhatnext · 16/02/2012 14:43

i would let her - in the daylight though!, its only about 45 mins, she will be fine.

jesuswhatnext · 16/02/2012 14:44

fwiw, my dd was travelling alone between london and paris at that age, put on the train, met off the train, all she had to do was sit and read her book for a bit, worked out fine.

MamaLazarou · 16/02/2012 14:45

Yes, she will probably relish the independence. They have to start somewhere.

BarmyBiscuit · 16/02/2012 14:45

Of course she will be fine. If she wants to do it then let her. She's 11 not a young kid

seeker · 16/02/2012 14:49

Two questions. What could go wrong?

Wh would having a phone help?

MrsHoarder · 16/02/2012 14:58

I certainly something similar from around the same age in the mid-nineties (and talked ILs into letting young BIL doing likewise) except I wasn't going to a terminus.

If her dad asks at Brighton he will be allowed to escort her to the train. I know the first time I travelled alone DM put me next two a couple of "nice ladies" and told them where I was going. Then I had the train timetable to check each station as we passed it and a good book. It was quite an adventure!

Seeker: a phone will help if there is any problem meeting up at Victoria but that's all. Its just a bit of added reassurance. Again, in the nineties I was given 20p for the phone box and had the number of the house I was going to written on my hand so I knew what to do if I wasn't met at the station for whatever reason.

EllenParsons · 16/02/2012 15:21

Sounds fine! I would allow it.

Goldenbear · 16/02/2012 15:25

Personally, I wouldn't let her. I used to do that commute not long ago and within a year I experienced 6 broken down train journeys so I had to change trains, 2 suicides so again had to change trains. Once I opened the toilet door and 2 men were snorting cocaine. Equally, some seriously dodgy, intimidating people got on at certain stops, I won't say which ones for fear of offending. This is what I would be most worried about. Is she fairly street wise or is she fairly innocent and easily intimidated?

birdofthenorth · 16/02/2012 15:34

I would be more worried about the tube than this for some reason! I think I'd allow it, providing phone charged, she's got water and snacks in the event of breakdown, etc

PinkElephant73 · 16/02/2012 15:39

I let my DS age 11 travel to London on the train alone (about 40 mins) to meet his dad at Kings X to go to an evening event. Its a journey he has done many times with us but never on his own. He had a mobile phone with him in case of any problems and I got him to sit in a fairly busy carriage so plenty of other people around.

It was just as well DH was able to get onto the platform to meet him though as dozy DS was miles away and was still sat on the train while everyone else got off!
The trains from here to London are from time to time affected by jumpers and breakdowns, so you should definitely make sure he knows what to do if there is a problem, and be prepared to jump in the car to collect her from another station if it came to it.

ifancyashandy · 16/02/2012 15:43

I do that train journey loss and it's always busy. Get your ex to get to the station early enough to get her a seat. The station staff will let him onto the platform to settle her. If he asks them, they'll probably intro him and DD to the guard and your ex can ask him or her to keep an eye on her.

DialsMavis · 16/02/2012 16:00

I would let her. The coach wouldn't work anyway, well not national express. You have to be 14 to travel alone, even though to me that would seem even safer. I know this because I was considering letting DS get the coach to his Dads when he is 11 or so.

TwoPinkShoes · 16/02/2012 16:02

Look on the train website and see if you're allowed first! The east coast train line had something on their website that said any child who was or looked younger than 12 would not be allowed to travel alone.

Annoying, as I would trust my slightly younger child to go on a non stop train and be collected by a family member. But I will not risk the guard calling the transport police

porcamiseria · 16/02/2012 16:02

I would let her

startail · 17/02/2012 00:21

at magically growing up Y6/Y7

Had a friend for coffee with her 14 and 11 year old DDs. I have DDs the same ages.

She doesn't bat an eyelid at the older two wandering up the road for eggs, but is really nervous when the younger two go for a walk up the hill the other way.
Yes it's a single track road with no pavement, but so is her village. Both girls have known nothing else all their lives so they are not going to be silly. They just wanted to stretch their legs.

SmethwickBelle · 17/02/2012 00:28

I think if she's a sensible sort I'd let her.

When I was 10 and my sister was 12 on several occasions we got ourselves to the station, which was a 15 minute walk away, we purchased tickets and got on a train to London and got the tube to Covent Garden when my little brother was in hospital (at the old GUM clinic on Shaftesbury Avenue). This was in 1986 and I don't think it was a particularly big ask of us as children, it was manageable and fun.

PiousPrat · 17/02/2012 00:36

As with anything else, it utterly depends on the child. I wouldn't let my 12 YO Y8 DS do it, because he couldn't be trusted not to get so engrossed in his book that he missed his station, although if it was a terminus he was going to, I possibly would, after talking the journey through with him several times and coming up with possible scenarios to see how he would respond to them.

I would be absolutely fine letting my 11 YO Y6 DS do it though even if it wasn't a terminus. He is sensible, reliable and I could be certain that he would watch the names of passing stations like a hawk and cross them off the timetable list of which ines he should be passing to make totally sure he knew where he was. Mainly because my 11 YO would be desperate to show that he could do it, to use that to barter for more freedom at home.

I have never lived anywhere near London and have only recently moved somewhere with an underground transport system, so they aren't that used to it or travel savvy, but have taken rail journeys plenty of times so I know first hand that they know how to behave in public transport so I would probably be ok with it.

Tiddlyompompom · 17/02/2012 02:02

Sounds like she'll be fine, it's only a fairly short direct journey and she'll be met straight off the train, sounds safe enough to me.
I had to get trains from Suffolk to Somerset when I was 10, crossing from Liverpool St to Paddington on my own, and the tube confused the crap out of me - I always ended up going the wrong way around the Circle line! I was a sensible girl, but a real country bumpkin and not au fait with London transport... Still did it tho!

MaybeSheWill · 17/02/2012 02:07

I have an 11yo DD and I wouldn't let her, but mine is quite a young 11.

I'd worry about her ability to deal with situations on the journey. I've come across things on train journeys myself that I wouldn't want to leave her to deal with on her own.

CinnabarRed · 17/02/2012 08:08

My mother was expected to make her own way by train from Cornwall to Kent via London, to go to boarding school. Aged 6 in 1952.

cory · 17/02/2012 08:13

I'd feel happier about this than the tube (so if you are happy with the tube then that should be ok). I would check with the train company first though.

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