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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let my 11 year old daughter go on a train journey on her own?

77 replies

BeattieBow · 16/02/2012 12:02

throwing this open to the MN jury!

my dd who was 11 in October (so y 6) is in Brighton currently with her father and siblings. she wants to stay a day longer and come back on the train on her own. she would be put on the train at Brighton and picked up at Victoria.She is a sensible girl. She comes home from school on her own once a week and stays in the house until we get home (around an hour). She is also left on her own at the weekends if she is still in bed. I would let her go to the local shop or on the tube a couple of stops but she refuses - I think through laziness rather than being scared.

What would you do?

OP posts:
kensingtonia · 16/02/2012 12:36

My 12 year old DD successfully managed to travel from London to Chester and back and enjoyed the adventure; my DH was terribly worried that the train might break down or be stranded etc but I told her if that happened to seek a member of train or station staff for help. I think there is a non stop Brighton to Victoria (or is that just on the way down); I travel part of that route regularly and it is normally quite busy and hassle free. I imagine there will be lots of families travelling this week.

Original poster
BeattieBow · 16/02/2012 12:36

thanks for replying.

valiumredhead I feel the same as you. I am a fairly lax parent. i would be happy for her to go a few stops on the tube, to walk to school, to pop to the shops, but I feel slightly that this it too much. On the other hand, I know that nothing is likely to happen.

She has got a phone. It would be a direct train that she has done many times before. I still don't know though...

OP posts:
worldgonecrazy · 16/02/2012 12:38

I would allow it, as long as she is put on the train at one end and met the other. I agree with having a word with the train manager too, just so they're aware. I've always found train managers to be incredibly helpful when needed.

PattiMayor · 16/02/2012 12:40

I would - it's only about 40 mins and I can't think of anything that can go wrong that couldn't be sorted if she had a phone on her

squeakytoy · 16/02/2012 12:44

I would be far more hesitant about a few stops on the tube than I would be a 40 minute overland train journey to be quite honest.

sandyballs · 16/02/2012 12:44

She sounds sensible, let her do it. Good experience for her as she nears secondary school age.

I have two 11 year olds and my first reaction when reading your post was 'no, I wouldn't', but thinking about I probably would if they were keen and had phones. I think if you say no you run the risk of making her nervous about such situations in the future. However nervous we may feel about giving our kids independence, I think we need to quell that and encourage it where possible.

DinahMoHum · 16/02/2012 12:45

i used to get the train from london to glasgow younger than that.

Maryz · 16/02/2012 12:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cestlavielife · 16/02/2012 12:47

just make sure she knows to wait til the train reaches victoria.
when my brother first went on train alone he got off at the very first stop.... thought he had arrived at the final destination

blackteaplease · 16/02/2012 12:50

Can you get right up to the platform without a ticket? I only ask as at all of my local stations you need a ticket to get through the barrier onto the platforms now and therefore whe wouldn't be able to have her dad put her on the train.

Is she sensible enough to get herself to the right platform in this situation?

sandyballs · 16/02/2012 12:52

At least they can't open the train doors these days until the train stops. I remember standing at a station in Cornwall with my parents, waiting for my brother, who was joining our holiday a few days late. We saw the door fling open about half a mile away and he was hanging out waving Grin.

QuickLookBusy · 16/02/2012 12:52

I would let her.

When I put my 13 yo on a train the first time on her own, I was allowed to go on the platform and put her on the train. I then waved her off, I just felt better knowing she was on the train iykwim.

I'm sure DD will love it, will make her fell very grown up.

igetcrazytoo · 16/02/2012 12:52

Have just gone through this with my DD, and although she didn't go as early as 11, I can see that if the alternative is driving - then you've got to give it consideration.

Is your daughter happy to do it? Or is she a bit nervous? I talked through possible problems with my DD first i.e if someone started talking to her, other loud rowdy people - its perfectly acceptable to go find another seat - that sort of thing. As said, go and sit with a family,or 'nice' lady. Read a book so people leave you alone. Where to find the ticket inspector and its OK to talk to him etc.

Check up what platform the train arrives on, tell her exactly where you will be. I'm sure there are coaches from Brighton to Victoria - if you thought a coach would be better.

squeakytoy · 16/02/2012 12:53

If she can get on the tube, she can surely get ONTO a train. They are clearly signed at the gate, so she would be unlikely to get on the wrong one.

ComposHat · 16/02/2012 12:53

Seen onto the train at one terminus by a parent, collected at the other terminus by another. Seems wholly appropriate and the perfect introduction to.independent travel.

QuickLookBusy · 16/02/2012 12:55

Oh and also more recently I've been allowed through the barrier without a ticket, when I was helping DD1 return to uni after xmas. She had so much baggage, they let me help her on the train with it. Her friend then helped her at the other end.

PattiMayor · 16/02/2012 12:59

I travelled by myself by plane and ferry at that age with people dropping me off/picking me up at either end. It's not like she's got to get off halfway through the train journey - she's travelling from one end of the line to another. And it's likely to be a fairly busy train so very unlikely she will find herself in a carriage on her own.

startail · 16/02/2012 13:03

If its a journey she's done lots before and knows Exactly where to meet you then yes.

I think my, Y6 DD2 would be very nervous, she's not that keen on her own company.
I can leave her at hope with the TV and SIMs, but I think outside on her own would make her nervous.
DD1 would have done it and loved it.

Feminine · 16/02/2012 13:05

The only reservation I would have would be the time of day she would be leaving.

I would also choose this type of route before the London Underground.

I am sure that you wouldn't send her at night/peak times, so I think I would say let her :)

Its a bit tough isn't it?

ImpatientOne · 16/02/2012 13:06

getcrazy I think and hope I'm in the nice lady category Grin as I often travel by train and attract lone children!! Preferable to me than many other categories of train passengers...

Original poster
BeattieBow · 16/02/2012 13:09

she is the one begging to do it - she is very keen.

I have said that she can, but she must come back during the day not the evening.

She is very excited!

OP posts:
SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 16/02/2012 13:13

I think a daytime journey, with no changes, on a familiar route is absolutely fine.

dandelionss · 16/02/2012 13:44

Of couse she'll be fine!! 11 yr olds are expected to make their way to school on public transport on journeys up to 90 mins by the age of 11- often incorporating changes.She'll be fine.Has she a mobile phone she can take?

Lueji · 16/02/2012 13:54

Sounds fine to me.

BackforGood · 16/02/2012 14:04

I'm generally pretty lax laid back, but I don't think I'd be too keen. If you had told me she was a Yr7, 11 yr old, I think it would make the world of difference. I just think Yr6 is a bit immature. Sorry.