to dislike being called 'love' by the builders and think it is patronising?

[bumbleymummy]

They only seem to use it when I have asked them to change/fix something that I'm not happy with and they are trying to 'explain' to me why they shouldn't change/fix it or why it doesn't need to be changed/fixed. I did actually ask one not to call me that this morning and said that I thought it was patronising and he said it wasn't meant that way, it's just the way he talks but he doesn't use it on any other occasion! So AIBU or is just a thing that some people do?

A bit. Its vaguely annoying but not worth getting upset about IMO.

You have asked him not to, if he continues then you would NBU to be annoyed.

I think there's a difference between using it as part of normal speech (and that wouldn't offend me) and using it in a condescending way, as if you are a stupid woman who needs it explained in very simple terms, why they cannot do what you are paying them to do (which would offend me).

I think it's just a 'builder thing'.

I doubt they mean to be patronising, that's just what they call women.

Don't let it bother you!

:)

YABU it's just the way that some people speak. My DP says 'duck' but he does it without thinking and certainly doesn't mean to be patronising when he says it, it's a regional thing.
I think you're completely over thinking it tbh and probably made the builder feel like shit for pulling him up on it.

If you're sure he's using it in a condescending way then YANBU

I'm in Yorkshire and we use it for everything and everyone.

You would be called "duck" where I live.

It is a bit patronising I suppose, but not worth getting worked up about IMHO.

To me it's just a thing people do and it doesn't bother me one bit. Of course if it upsets you, then it upsets you. We're all different I guess.

But the OP is saying they don't use it all the time...only when there's a problem they think doesn't need fixing.

That's exactly it karma. If he said 'thanks love' when I handed him a cup of tea I would think nothing of it. It's the 'now listen love, that's just not right and you don't know what you're talking about' context that grates me slightly! Particularly when I KNOW he's talking shite! :)

and worra!

Now he knows that you don't like it, let's see if he does it tomorrow.

Use it back at him...or say "Listen Petal..."

I'd focus on their being patronising, not the language. If they are being, you can say somethng like 'I'm not an expert in this area but am quite capable of understanding this, if it's explained clearly and I do wish to make an informed decision.' Just be clear that you're the client, you pay them to do the job you want. Sounds like they need to be talking to you more before doing things, if you keep finding things that need changing.

I always smile when you go shopping in the Black Country (particularly on markets) and they say "me lover" or "me duck" !

Just start calling them 'poppet' back.

Works wonders.

They do mean to be patronising. As soon as the builders I use realised that I was in charge of the £ when doing refurbs and dp had nothing to do with it all they soon stopped it. I often hear them on the phone calling other clients darling and love when they are basically trying to smooth things over. They never do it with me. Tell them you don't like it

Where I live it's used by anyone for anyone. so yes YABU

Don't take yourself so seriously. You and everyone around you will be happier.

worra and cuntworm.

Totally agree with you noddy. DH never seems to be here when these things pop up. I don't think they'd be speaking to him like that!

I hope I won't have to ask them to fix anything again limitedperiod. I just want my house back at this stage!

As I've said, colloquial terms of endearment used in general everyday conversation don't bother me and I probably wouldn't notice - its more the context that they're being used that bothers me and if drawing ther attention to it means that they're less likely to speak to me like that then that's what I'll do. As it is, they're fixing what I asked them to so maybe it did work! :)

YANBU - it's maddening (apart from in Cornwall, where 'lover' seems to be used by everyone to everyone, regardless of age or gender). I get results, as others have suggested, by replying 'Now get your ass back up that ladder, flower petal' or 'Is there a particular reason why you're leaving so early, my darling?'

This has nothing to do with taking yourself seriously and everything to do with respect and equality. Calling someone close to you love as a term of endearment is not the same as when it is being used as a precursor to calm down.

:) hardcheese. I can see what you're getting at hardcheese but I think it would have been a bit inappropriate during this particular conversation. I will bear it in mind for future occasions though!