Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to dislike being called 'love' by the builders and think it is patronising?

41 replies

bumbleymummy · 16/02/2012 10:08

They only seem to use it when I have asked them to change/fix something that I'm not happy with and they are trying to 'explain' to me why they shouldn't change/fix it or why it doesn't need to be changed/fixed. I did actually ask one not to call me that this morning and said that I thought it was patronising and he said it wasn't meant that way, it's just the way he talks but he doesn't use it on any other occasion! So AIBU or is just a thing that some people do?

OP posts:
YusMilady · 16/02/2012 11:36

YANBU. They ARE being patronising and you do need to nip it in the bud. It has nothing to due with cute regionalisms (a view which I find patronising in itself) and everything to do with getting the stupid woman to shut up.

YusMilady · 16/02/2012 11:36

due = do. Obviously.

eurochick · 16/02/2012 11:49

YANBU. It's not being used as a term of endearment, it's being used to patronise you to try to get you to doubt your own position so they don't have to do additional work. I love the idea of using "poppet" back at them whenever they try it.

LeQueen · 16/02/2012 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
bumbleymummy · 16/02/2012 11:58

It's not about it being slow and clear LeQueen, he's just saying he doesn't want to fix something because he couldn't be assed and he's trying to persuade me that it's not a big deal. He's fixing it now. I don't like people telling what I do/don't want. I'm paying him to do the job and I expect it to be done properly.

OP posts:
Original poster
bumbleymummy · 16/02/2012 12:00

Tbh, I don't actually care about the ins and outs of how he does it and I don't need to understand that part. All I'm interested in is the end result.

OP posts:
LeQueen · 16/02/2012 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
bumbleymummy · 16/02/2012 12:05

Yuck!...it's been about 4 1/2 months so far for us - there was a Couple of weeks break there but I'm at breaking point. Should be finished this weekend but then there's all the fecking painting to be done. Sigh...

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 16/02/2012 12:06

Just ignore the "loves" and stick to the point

It doesn't bother me, but I do use the word "love" myself

it's a northern and/or working class thing

when they are talking to your H, they would probably substitute "right, mate..."

it's not a big deal, IMO

LeQueen · 16/02/2012 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoingForGoalWeight · 16/02/2012 13:31

I was brought up to believe that to use the term 'love' instead of a person's name for example, is common. I guess it does depend on the region in which one lives in,as to whether this applies the same or not. When women call each other 'love' it makes my toes curl and i feel a bit bleurgh. That's me though!

Naoko · 16/02/2012 13:41

It would bother me to be patronised, and if he only used 'love' when being patronising, but it wouldn't/doesn't bother me if just used generally. But then again I addressed one of the builders working next door as 'mate' yesterday, which I think is somewhat the same anyway. I mean, I don't know him from Adam, he's not my mate, but it's a habit I've picked up from my Northern DP and it didn't seem to bother the builder either....

Original poster
bumbleymummy · 16/02/2012 15:14

LeQ, our builders wanted to finish on Christmas Eve! This was after reassuring us for weeks that they would be out of there by the first week of December so the staircase and the floors could go in. We ended up having to work around them for tht. We had DH's family coming here for Christmas dinner and I had tons to get ready so they were politely informed that they would be finished and cleaned up by the 23rd December or else :) I think I saw some photos on your profile of your house a while ago and it looked lovely - and very clean and tidy! Mine looks like a bomb has gone off in a landfill site at the moment...

I'm probably being a bit over sensitive to the 'love' thing but I'm just fed up with being patronised and lied to. I just want people to do the job they say they are going to do and finish it on time! DH and I run our own businesses and there is no chance that either of our clients would put up with a half assed job, excuses or delays - not that we would even chance it anyway!

OP posts:
Pendeen · 16/02/2012 16:40

Here (Cornwall) it's imposible not to be called "my lovely", "my lover" or "love" in everyday conversation by almost everyone so just part of everyday life but I guess if that sort of appelation is unusual in your part of the world then it could sound patronising.

TBH I have been patronised by builders ever since I started work (architect) so I am used to it !

Original poster
bumbleymummy · 16/02/2012 16:49

Oh goodness pendeen - you have my sympathy! I really don't think I could deal with it everyday. I have new admiration for property developers who do this all the time!

OP posts:
Original poster
bumbleymummy · 16/02/2012 16:50

That was relation to being patronised by builders - not being called my lovely/lover/love btw! :)

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page