to think this should not be part of the deal.

[mum80]

I work part-time (10 hours pw) and I do pretty much everything in the house. Thats fine by me as dh works much long hours. Dc are in year r and 1 so still young.
However, I get frustrated by certain things.
Laundry never finds its way into basket. (dh and dc)
Dh leaves wrappers on coffee table each evening. Never find their way into bin. Cups and plates never find their way into kitchen. DC are just as bad.
If dh cooks(rarely for whole family) any food packaging is left on kitchen worktop.
Don't want to nag all the time but it gets me down.
Ps don't tell me to to get a full time job as I am 20 weeks pregnant. Not sure many would employ me at this stage.

I personally wouldn't wash anything that isn't in the basket.
I would even go so far as to say your DH's washing is not your responsibility.

You need a family meeting where you spell it out to them. They haven't any excuse and won't be able to come up with anything. Have photographic evidence if need be!

You have to spell it out. I would not be washing any of husband's clothes that did not make it into laundry basket. With children I'd use encouragement, I ask mine (year 2 and year 1) to put their dirty things in when they get undressed and we're getting there. I've also told them that cups and plates go back to the kitchen or there will be no more food / drink in other parts of the house.

My husband is the same with the packaging on worktops, he thinks that putting things near the sink is the same as putting them in the bin - but I don't do it, I call him into the kitchen and ask him to do it. He rolls his eyes at me. But I still don't pick up after him.

I agree with the family meeting.
Doing housework is one thing but being treated like a skivvy is another!

My DC understood at those ages (and younger) that when they took their clothes off they went into the laundry bin. And if clothes were found anywhere else I would stand there and ask "and where should this be?".

Before they go to bed (or after meals) insist that all wrappers, plates etc are put where they should be.

With DH refuse to wash anything that's not in the basket.

My dh is very similar. Did the whole if you don't pit it in the basket it doesn't get washed thing. He now leaves his clothes lying around for 1 to 2 weeks then shoves the whole lot in the basket all at once.

Will be watching this thread with interest as I need advice on this. Congrats on your pregnancy.

Your husband is treating you like a maid. You need to make it very clear that you are not the family skivvy and as a grown man, he should not be sitting back, while you clear up after him. Even my 4 year old knows to put her yoghurt pots in the bin (she even puts wrappers in the right recycling boxes). If she can manage it, your husband can. Anything else is disrespectful.

Agree that you should tell him one more time, then stop doing his laundry etc. You are his wife, not his housekeeper.

"when she was bad* thats exactly what dh does.

DP is crap at putting his clothes in the wash basket but doesn't expect me to wash it if that happens. If he doesnt care about having no clean clothes nor do I, I just blank out the chair covered in clothes in his side of the room. He will put washes on of mine and The DCs but leave his own festering on the chair . He simply doesn't care. Your DC are old enough to clean up after themselves too, don't let them test you like a skivvy

For the next 2 weeks collect everything he leaves lying around and put into a dustbin bag. Then tip the whole lot into his car..

If my bloke doesn't put stuff in the basket it gets folded up and put back in his drawer/wardrobe.

If it's not in the washing basket then he doesn't want it washed, does he?

Utilise your children. They're dead handy for putting stuff in bins/socks in drawers/rubbish in bins. I couldn't manage without mine!

Sounds unacceptable to me. My kids 7, 9 put wrappers in the bin, plates by the sink and clothes in the laundry basket. Dh does a LOT more and works longer hours than me.

If it's upsetting you and you've made that clear then it's just disrespectful of dh to carry on. The kids might take a bit of training but they'll get there.

While you are responsible for housework, you are not their unpaid skivvy. The line is simple. They clear up after themselves when they make mess. You Hoover, wash up, do the washing etc. you need to make this clear.

Tell them, again and again and again, that rubbish goes in the bin. And then tell them again. It's like teaching children to say please and thank you: it takes for ever, it has to be done and there is no point getting cross about it.

You need to sit down and have a talk about his lack of respect for you. Point out to your DH that it's having the effect that your DC are now treating you the same way and it's unacceptable from all of them.

My DC are each a year older than yours and although they need regular constant reminders, they are finally getting the hang of putting things in bin/recycling and dishes at least to the sink or even maybe in the dishwasher. Laundry they are responsible for getting to the laundry bin too.... DD also straightens her bed (DS has no concept of what this means!).

DH would also always do these basic chores (and a lot more besides).

YANBU to expect the others to do basic stuff like this.....

my DH tried the not putting clothes in the basket thing for a week or two, until the washing basket moved to exactly where he'd been dropping his stuff. Very inconvenient, as it was next to his side of the bed so he had to climb over it to get into bed. We haven't had any further issues :)

(and YANBU)

I just don't wash anything that's not in the basket.

DH once demanded to know what I'd done with all his t-shirts.

Nothing, I said. I've washed everything in the basket and it's back in the drawers.

Well I've got no t-shirts he said.

I suggested he had a look by the side of the bed

Next think I knew, 25 t-shirts were in the wash.

The conversation has not been repeated.

Indeed, my DH now knows that it if isn't in the basket (and I mean in, not on top of the lid) it doesn't go in the wash. I regularly remind him and the DCs about bringing cups etc back to the kitchen. We have had the talk about setting an example to the DCs and although it has taken a lot of repeating, DH is a lot better now.

This reminds me of some men my female friend and I used to flat share with at Uni. At the start of the Easter holidays they went off home and left a kitchen full of dirty washing up, knowing that friend and I were staying in the flat. We put it all in cardboard boxes, put it on their beds and moved out. Never spoke to them again. Hope they grew up a bit after that.

Not in basket = not washed.

Once a week = all clothes scattered on floors go into binbags

Any binbags not emptied by guilty owners of clothes at end of month go out with the bins.

I don't touch my husband's clothes (other than when I hug him) - problem solved on the laundry front. I'm not his maid.

As for the wrappers thing, DH used to do that and I would just call him into the kitchen and innocently ask "Are you keeping this?" for every wrapper there. Some nights I would gather them all up and put them in his lap as he watched tv, and say something like "Oh you must be keeping these, don't want them to get lost!" He soon got the message.

Your family does this because they don't care and you put up with it. With your DCs there's no excuse, you and DH both need to be teaching them. Hopefully if you rope DH into telling them to put stuff in the bin/sink he'll realise that he has to do it too.

Just to add, I find it so incredibly weird that a grown man would ask his wife where his t-shirts are. They're his t-shirts, why should anyone else know where they are?

YANBU. I only wash clothes that make it into the basket. I made that clear to DH when he first moved in with me!