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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this should not be part of the deal.

40 replies

mum80 · 16/02/2012 09:57

I work part-time (10 hours pw) and I do pretty much everything in the house. Thats fine by me as dh works much long hours. Dc are in year r and 1 so still young.
However, I get frustrated by certain things.
Laundry never finds its way into basket. (dh and dc)
Dh leaves wrappers on coffee table each evening. Never find their way into bin. Cups and plates never find their way into kitchen. DC are just as bad.
If dh cooks(rarely for whole family) any food packaging is left on kitchen worktop.
Don't want to nag all the time but it gets me down.
Ps don't tell me to to get a full time job as I am 20 weeks pregnant. Not sure many would employ me at this stage.

OP posts:

TheFeministsWife · 16/02/2012 11:04

Children that young can be taught quite quickly to put clothes in the basket and rubbish in the bin. Mine have both been doing it from an early age. As for your DH well all clothes and rubbish etc he leaves on the floor/lying about is picked up and piled on to his pillow, so he has to remove it. If he dumps it on the floor by the bed leave it there. Let him run out of clothes so he can realise how much you do. I have done this with both DH and DSD and it works, believe me. Never needed to do it with my dds as they both know where things go, although I am gearing up for the teenage years.

CailinDana · 16/02/2012 11:06

FeministsWife - surely your DDs will do their own washing when they're teens? I think my mum stopped washing our clothes when we were about 11 or so.

inchoccyheaven · 16/02/2012 11:15

I don't understand why you would stop washing your teens clothes cailindana? Unless you all have seperate wash baskets or something I guess?

All our clothes go in one basket and everyones clothes get washed together Both dc ( 9 and 11 ) know how to use the washing machine and sometimes I ask them to put a load on or empty tumble dryer etc but I don't see any reason why just because they are getting older I would stop doing that?

CailinDana · 16/02/2012 11:19

If you're happy enough to do it then it's perfectly fine choccyheaven. My mum stopped washing our clothes because she worked full time, dad doesn't even know how to use the washing machine, and she just didn't have time to do be doing washing for five people. We just had our own wash baskets and often shared loads. It worked out well and saved our mum a lot of time and hassle.

DH and I have separate baskets and we do our own washing, while I wash DS's clothes. I'm loathe to mention that because it usually provokes a strong response. It works for us, not saying anyone else should do it.

Letchladee · 16/02/2012 11:25

Agree with the others - you need to chat with your dh, and get him on side. Personally, I find the no blame approach works best, so if it were me, I would be saying that I wanted the Dc to take more responsibility, maybe use pregnancy / forthcoming child as a reason as to why others need to help out more etc and then outline what you want. Of course, you could just tell him to grow up and stop treating you like a skivvy but I've not found that to work.

Incidentally, in our house my dd2 is 5 and in reception. She is expected to ...

Return plates, cutlery etc to side by sink after meals
Put dirty washing in the basket
Lay clothes out for the next day before bed
Put pjs back in bed and loosely make her bed (pull the duvet back over)
Return drinking cups to kitchen
Put rubbish in bin
Tidy up her bedroom once a week (she does need help with this though).
Put her ballet / gym bag back on her hook when she has finished with them.

So I don't think what you're asking is unacceptable.

bubby64 · 16/02/2012 12:27

My 2 dc used to put clothes in washbasket, take out plates/utensils and put in dishwasher, put rubbish in bins, etc, but now they have miraculously turned in to "Kevins" at 11yrs, and seem to have "forgotten" how to do these simple tasks! I am now in the process of trying to "re-educate" said DC's
DH's classic is to start the dishwasher(good) but forgets to check if there is anything else that needs to go in it before this stage (bad), especially with said pre-teens leaving plates where they put them down. I was tempted to leave all the plates/clothes/rubbish where it lay, but, after having the cats jump up on table to try and lick plates left, and the dogs ripping up wrappers left and scattering them far and wide, I have given up on that idea, my next move is to dump it all on their unmade beds!

EssexGurl · 16/02/2012 12:37

Sorry, even my 2 year old knows which bit of the laundry basket to put her clothes in (white or coloured).

I do think that as the mostly stay at home parent then house work comes with the territory. But it is up to you and your DH how you split the chores. If you don't want to go tidying up after them, then you do need to get them trained - all of them and the new baby when old enough! Both my kids are currently tidying up in the living room (2 & 6 years) before they can have lunch.

AnonymousBird · 16/02/2012 12:52

Essexgurl - I'm with you completely.

My two have got tea at Granny's tonight (always considered a big treat!) and we've just been discussing the fact that there is a good half an hour of tidying up to do before they will be able to go! I will have to be involved, but increasingly, I can just kind of hover in the background and step in every now and then to suggest what to do next or where a particular thing might need to be put away... And if they put their minds to it, and work together, they have figured out that it doesn't actually have to take that long.....

DS (7) was just wondering if there is an entry in his Guinness World Records book for the fastest ever tidying up!

RuleBritannia · 16/02/2012 13:37

I like theincredibequeenofwands idea - picking clothes up off the floor and putting them back in drawers/wardrobes without washing them.

MidnightWorry · 16/02/2012 14:06

jsut be really militant about it.

Only wash whats in the basket etc..

porcamiseria · 16/02/2012 14:09

just get over it, dont sweat the small stuff, really! I mean you can have a word, but the whole "why should you wash their clothes" thing is just petty and shortsigned really.

I get the whole "basket" thing but I would get MORE annoyed by clothes lying around

BBisBBack · 16/02/2012 14:11

My 2.4 yr old puts his own rubbish in the bin and washing in the basket ( with supervision) so i think its disgusting that your partner doesnt. With your kids id say its a choice you've made, as mines been taught that small amount of responsibility. He also helps to feed the cat when he choses.. Small things but we've taught him its good to be helpful. I think you need o lat down the law to them myself. Its pure laziness. My husband works very long hours still helps out at home when asked and wouldn't dream of leaving washing out or wrappers. You are being taken fr a mug!

Jux · 16/02/2012 15:28

My dh was like this. Then one day after I had been ill for 3 days and in bed, I got up and there was 3 days worth of crap everywhere, plus 3 days worth of washing up. I picked up all the crap and put it on his desk.

He started behaving a bit better after that.

duffedup · 16/02/2012 15:29

if they have been allowed to get away with it what do you expect? stop letting them get away with it. give the kids chores. tell you dp/ dh to put his clothes rubbish in bin/washing basket and to stop being such lazy sods.

Blx2thelotofem · 16/02/2012 15:35

Well, we have a full-time maid and she is under strict instructions not to wash any clothes that are left on the floor. She just leaves them there. DH was really pissed off at first, as he felt it was her job to pick up his clothes and wash them, as it was my job before her and his DM's before that.

Not in my house. He finally got the message.

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