AIBU to have three children in one bedroom?

[alessthandomesticgoddess]

[DF is fiance, not father ]

The arrangement now is: DD1 (3 and a half) sleeps in the bottom bunk of bunk beds. The top bunk is not in use and has the ladder removed for now but when DD2 is older they will both be in the bunks. DD2 (14 months) is in a cot bed. DSS (3) stays one night a week and stays either in DD1's bottom bunk or on a trundle bed in the same room. They all like it this way.

We are renting and have a long term (5 years at a time) contract with our landlord. We don't want to move but want another DC. We have a large box room that's big enough to fit a single bed/bunk beds and a chest of drawers. Not spacious but spacious enough. I said to DF that our future baby would sleep with us for the first few months like all our children and then would move into a cot bed in the box room, later upgrading to a bunk bed which DSS could then have if he wanted not to be with his sisters.

DF is adamant we can't have another baby in there as although now it's used as a storage room it will be DSS' room when he wants it. I say having a bedroom would be nice for him but he stays one day a week and that plan is indefinite for at least a decade when DSS can legally decide himself who he wants to live with.

DF says we should move to a four bedroom house (which we can't afford realistically - I love this house, location, price, the layout, everything) if we wanted another DC. He thinks IABU for thinking this is a good idea.

Is three in a room one night a week too much? Would it be silly to put a cot in a smaller room and just upgrade to bunk beds for all the children as needed?

Sorry this is long.

It doesn't seem like a crazy plan for now. My children were happy enough sharing until they were eight or so, and I think it much better to squeeze in a bit for a while when they are OK with the idea (and relatively small) than to over stretch yourselves financially. Is the rest of your house big enough for four small children and all there gear ? I am slightly in awe that you are even thinking about another!

At the moment, its ok for all three to share one bedroom but in a few years, that will not be the case.

This gives you time to save money and by a bigger house.

The rest of the house is big enough. We plan to buy within 8 years (well..that's what my spreadsheet says - it'll take about 8 years to save the deposit if we don't get married, longer if we do). We have a large garden, a designated play room, a big kitchen and a living room so we'd be fine.

Would the smaller room be too small for the future child and the child one day a week for a few years too?

Well we re planning on putting 3 in together 7 days a week so Yanbu in that case!

It is ridiculous of him to suggest that the children who live in the home full time should be crammed together while a child who is there one night out of seven has a room standing empty for them.

That's bloody stupid. - and likely to cause resentment. Has he thought of that? How 'Xs room all to himself but he doesn't even live here so it's empty but we've got to share' could lead to bad feeling among the children when they're older?

If he's living with you, then fair enough. Oldest child gets the room. But not otherwise.

I don't think 3 children sharing a room is a hardship. Do they have the largest room? I've only got 2 and they share a room. When we first moved in here, my husband said we would have the main bedroom and I said are you nuts? The kids need the biggest bedroom, all we do in ours is sleep! so if yours aren't currently in the larger room (if you have a larger room) then think about moving them.

It is the height of stupidity to move to a house you know you can't afford, just to give the children an extra bedroom. An extra bedroom is nice, but it's not essential and it's not worth risking getting yourselves into financial shit for.

(reposted from the other thread)

I spent most of my childhood in a bedroom with bunk beds and a cabin bed sharing with my brothers and sisters. There were four of us all the time and my eldest sister had the tiny box room and was fine. I actually only had my own room for about two years before I left home and it didn't bother me, I love sharing with my husband now!

If its a problem, you can just change the playroom in into a bedroom surely?

Sounds big enough to me. You could always make the playroom into a bedroom.

Great minds...

I shared a bedroom with my 2 sisters until I was 18. No harm was done to me whatsoever. I really don't understand why some people think it is essential to have 1 bedroom per child.
Personally if you like and can afford the house where you live now I would stay put.

Your DF is being unreasonable.

Rather than change the playroom into a bedroom could you fit a small sofa bed in there for DSS to sleep on when he comes over.

How big is the 2nd bedroom, I think it is fine for all 3 to be in together 1 night a week, although you may find as they get older they get up to shenanigans in there, my 2 girls have shared a room since DD2 moved into a bed and are fine together sleep nicely but as soon as we chuck another child into the mix occasionally they get up to all kinds of mischief.

The bedroom the girls share is the largest in the house. They have two chests of drawers (in alcoves) and built in shelves in the alcoves for extra storage, a storage tier and storage boxes under the bunk bed. It still has lots of floor space with a cot bed and bunk beds in (against walls). Lots of room for a trundle bed but no room against walls for a sofa bed iyswim.

The playroom is the old dining room and downstairs. We have a big arm chair in there now so could definitely fit a sofa bed in if it came to it. We'd have the baby in with us for the first six or seven months then in the box room and when the baby was big enough for a bed buy bunk beds with a removable ladder so DSS could sleep in the top bunk as he'd be old enough.

We aren't looking to start TTC for another year or so yet but for some reason the mention of this and preparing sends DF into a flurry of "Well we have to move". He's read this thread and agrees it's a bit silly to keep the room open for DSS one night a week. If DSS ever wanted to move in with us we'd look at a bigger house but that's then in the (distant to us) future.

YANBU
i was raised in a room of 3,not a problem.
my girls share

We moved to a 4 bed for this reason. My DSS is 7 years older than DD, so a totally different situation, but has always had his own room at our's (for one night a week) and always will. Yes, it's annoying having paid thousands of pounds for the sake of moving to somewhere with an extra bedroom which will be unoccupied 6 nights a week, but I think a non-resident child needs to have equal status... and feel they have equal status.

OP you have at least 9 months pregnancy plus 6 months with the next DC in your room before this becomes a real problem... so start saving now and see how DSS feels about wanting his own room in 15 months time!

I shared with 2 sisters...we were fine! YANBU

It's pretty simple - girls in one room, boys in the other. Bunk beds where necessary. I don't think it's a problem.

Re your wedding comment - go to the reg office and get married for under £100 wtih just immediate family. That's what we did 10 years ago and we have never regretted it.

I've been thinking of doing that arghmyear. DF in a nice suit, me in a nice dress (ebay - custom made from China for £80) and just get it done. I was thinking a meal afterwards (cheapish) where everyone pays for their own meal as a wedding present if they want to attend (or is that cheeky? I'm not sure on etiquette). We don't have a lot of money to save as it is but buying a property isn't our main priority. We're happy to rent and have a lovely family for a few more years.

I have 3 boys in one room - 14, 10 & 9 - keep asking 14 y/o if he wants to move into box room - he doesn't - they're happy in together OP YANBU - your df is being ridiculous

I have 3 in one not very big room. I don't see a problem.

I would use the box for the girls TBH.

I'll be in a slightly more difficult position myself in about a year's time, as I'm pg with DC3, and we own a 2-bed coach-house. DS is 8.9 and DD is 1.5, they share at the moment. No playroom or box room to fall back on here, but we'll manage. DC3 will stay with us for the first 6 months or so, by which time I'm hoping that DD will be able to sleep in the bottom bunk, DS in the top bunk, and DC3 in the cot. DS is feeling the pinch as he's starting to hanker for his own space but it just isn't feasible at the moment.

We have a 2.5 year plan to clear a secured loan and hopefully we'll be able to scrape together enough to put in a loft conversion, or even better, apply for a housing association property.

At the moment we can't do stuff all as we're in -ve equity, and to make matters more awkward I lost my job 2 years ago. I'm not terribly bothered about that, as I'd be pouring more money than its' worth into a CM's pocket to go back to work. (don't get me wrong, I love cminders, and think they do a fab job, but when looking at the books, it just doesn't make financial sense for me to go back to work, especially as DH is quietly working his way up the company structure). I just fret that when we bought the house, we were both working - now we're down to one income, so we're truly on the mortgage provider's good humour whether we'll be able to upsize as/if and when the need really hits us.

*box room, not box!

Why does the girls being in the box room make more sense? They have double the clothes, double the toys, bunks and a cot bed. Surely a baby on its own and DSS who only has a capsule wardrobe and whatever he brings would be better in the box room?

Oops, I mis-read that, sorry, MEGA

Yes, your original suggestion, baby and DSS is best, so YANBU