To be slightly panicked that dd won't be ready to start school?

[Caz10]

And yes I have been reading the daily mail thread

Dd is 4.2 and will start school after summer. I have no concerns about her "academically" but am finding it so hard to imagine her having all the other skills I think she'll need. We have been trying and trying, practising and practising but she just can't seem to manage certain things.

Here is what I think she needs to able to do, do you agree? Does she sound miles behind?
-toilet training - not through lack of bloody trying, have been at it for a year now! I'd say 95% reliable but not 100% which worries me- I can see accidents happening if she doesn't feel able to ask for example

• bum wiping - she is fine for wees, I do poos- yes I know...
• own shoes on and off - only "easy" ones, can't do buckles or laces
• dress herself eg for gym- she can't get tops off and occasionally struggles with getting them on- trousers, socks etc fine
• fork and spoon no problem, knife a disaster although she does try
• cant do zips, again not for lack of trying, I guess I just need to persevere?

I am actually a teacher but not with younger kids, so not sure about all of this. She is by no means babied but simply finds these things too difficult. Is it just a case of practice makes perfect? Is there anything else glaringly obvious I am missing?! Could your children do all of these things when they started?

There are still several months between now and September. She will have mastered most of these by the Summer I am sure!

I think you'll be fine - it's only February.

Accidents happen in Reception, make sure she has a change of clothes and brief her that it's OK to ask to go to the toilet. Meet with the teacher if at all possible before she starts.

Clothes - Velcro and elasticated waistbands are your friends. Get shoes that do up with Velcro - lost of school shoes for this age group do - and get pull-on trousers and skirts.

Bum wiping - practise, practise, practise. She will get it, she's only just 4.

Knives - not an issue for school dinners, it'll all be easy to eat stuff.

Zips - as per bum swiping, make sure you get really good ones that do up easily and if all else fails add Velcro.

Last bit of advice - stop reading the Mail, or at least stop believing what it says. It's a pile of you-know-what. (And yes, I read it online but only so that I know what the enemy are up to!

The next few months will make a huge difference developmentally and you can help you DD by getting her to practice some of these things - like the bum wiping, getting clothes on etc.
My DD is in Reception and is nearly 5 and she still struggles a but with getting dressed, teachers will help a bit, but they have a lot to do. You can make it easier by buying shoes that fasten easily, coats with poppers if zips are too tricky just yet and skirts/trousers with elastic waists.
Gold star for you for thinking ahead though.

DS is nearly 5 and doesn't wipe his bum particularly well. When he comes back from school he quite often has dirty pants. We are desperately trying to help him but he just doesn't seem to get it - he wipes and wipes and wipes but doesn't actually clean much. He'll get there.
Only thing I'd say missing from your list is listening to an instruction and following it. Again...

As a teacher, the main one of your list for me would be the bottom wiping one. Start working with her now and she'll have this sorted by September.

Shoes - don't put her in shoes with buckles or laces - go for Velcro.

Zip - try putting some WD40 on it to make it move easily. Start by putting the bottom bit together for her so that she gets the hang of just pulling the zip up.

Cutlery - Is she going to have school lunches or packed lunches. I would start her on packed lunches if you're worried. However, all the lunchtime supervisors at our school are more than happy to help with cutting up food for the youngest children.

Dressing and undressing - start working on this one now. Make sure her uniform tops are a little bit roomy as they are easier to get on and off.

I was the same with DS1, but you would be amazed how much she will learn between now and September! I don't think either of mine can do laces, the only lace ups they have are trainers, and we slip them on and off :D

Don't worry, my DS couldn't do any of these things this time last year and he was still struggling with toilet training. He got there though and I didn't push him it just fell into place. 7 months is a long time so really don't worry, keep showing her how to do things and don't force it :)

Mine will be starting in Foundation stage in September ie the same time and pretty much the same class as your DD and he will have been three, just five weeks previously. He may not be dry, he certainly won't be ready for reading and he may not be able to sit still on the carpet. These areas are no reflections on my parenting but he is just three. Anyone who is concerned about his 'inability' needs to send their kids to Montessori. DC3 will be fine when he gets there and sees what the rules are, I just don't enforce them at home.

Tbh she sounds like a usual 4 yr old all i would say is make sure she can take her clothes off for gym , and put a little packet of kandoo wipes in her bag if she has a poo at school , Mine used to do it at home anyway , and september is a lifetime away for her she has months to practise , dont worry about the occasional accident either schools cope with it

my dds cought use a knife at 4 i think they were 6ish before the got to grips with it ,

Glad it's not just me

Knifes - have to say I gave never given her a knife to use
tops on and off
Wiping bum

I had already planned on sorting these but this is tge push I need to get moving

Couldn't* my typing is just rubbish tonight , I got dd2 a zipper doodah so she could grip better you can get them in gift shops and card shops clips on to the zip and they pull up better once the zip is in , zips are fiddley imo im a bit russish at zips sometimes

Rubbish* jeez with the typing

I work in a reception class, you have nothing to worry about!

If you want to help your dd with dressing, get her to wear skirts instead of a pinafore for school, and show her how to turn things the right way round when they are inside out. Lots of children can't take tops off easily at school and they do get lots of help.

It's only February. She's got months and months to master all these skills but certainly, she'll be all the more likely to do so if she doesn't feel pressurised or that she's failing. So take things easy and certainly practice but also recognise that she'll be ready when she's ready.

Whats the worst that can happen? Seriously so what she pisses herself she doesnt come home with the right clothes?
If mine come home with any I am happy ofcourse shewill be fine - ish

OP my DS1 will be the same age your DD in now, when he starts in September.

He can manage his velcro shoes, but bum wiping is a major issue and he is only 100% dry about half the week.

I was reading the DM thread before dinner and when my DH got home from work he got a barrage of "Why can't she do her shoes and clothes?" "Why can't she use a knife properly?" about my almost 4 year old. He said "You worry too much about these children."

My DD does seem to lack the dexterity to do these things well even though we've practiced. I'm planning on a combination of lots of practice and getting school stuff that's really easy to use. I also think that a bit of peer pressure once they get to school will see them improving quickly.

Thank you all . I'm on my phone so it's hard to scroll up and down while posting, but the very last para of the post above sounds mightily sensible. Great tips from littlefish also, thank you, you are right it is much easier with a baggier top. I also teach, but mainly yr6, but have done yrR gym before, can remember the joy of trying to do 25 sets of shirt buttons, shoelaces etc!
She can pull a zip up and down but clicking it together to start with is hard. Like the sound of the gadget!
As someone above said she really does seem to lack the dexterity to do things - she is a bloody minded stubborn independent little girl so would prefer not to need help iyswim!
I always give her a knife and fork, but as was pointed out on the daily fail thread, we really don't eat many things that need a knife! Curries, chillies, soup, wraps etc- she just doesnt get the practice.
Kandoo wipes in the bag sound good, she gets into enough mess trying it at home with toddler wipes, can't imagine the carnage after dry scratchy school loo roll!
I guess when I look back 6mths she couldnt do a lot of the stuff she can now, so another 6mths is a long time in that respect.

Bloody daily mail!! Bottom wiping boot camp it is...!

Thank you all!

Ps aquashiv, UFP.. I'm not concerned for any competitive reasons or anything like that.i just know from school how ridiculous it can get when things like that take up your time rather than the actual teaching and learning. And I want dd's teacher to be able to grab a coffee at break time rather than be stuck zipping up my Dd's coat!I also wouldn't want her to be teased by other children. She attends the school nursery and can allegedly follow instructions..!

My DS1 couldn't wipe his bum well when he started reception. He used to just save his poo till he got home!

dd already does that at nursery! It's only a 3 hour session mind you, a full day might present more of a challenge!

Gosh, DD1 is only 3 and starts school in September. None of this had even occurred to me yet.

We have been working on learning to turn clothes right way around. It's what passes for entertainment around these parts :o

As a July baby, my dd was 4.2 when she started school and she's been absolutely fine.

She's never had an accident at school and they get lots of help with changing clothes. Just let her do it herself at home. I know it takes longer but it will benefit her in the long run. Same with bum wiping.

She'll be fine, its always far more traumatic for the parents.

We always used to know when DS2 had had PE at school in reception as he would come out either with clothes inside out or wrong way round! I think the best was when he came out with his trousers inside out AND. Back to front!
Don't worry, she'll be fine.