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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To hate some medical doctors

40 replies

ReindeerBollocks · 15/02/2012 21:54

DS is back in hospital for routine treatment, he has a portacath (easy access for veins) for Intravenous Antibiotics. He also suffers with extreme needle phobia due to years of hit and miss medical care. They needed bloods from him and weren't able to get them in the usual way (by bleeding the portacath back) so they used a butterfly needle.

Now the nurse who was on knows our DS extremely well and suggested sedation, which was rebutted by the paediatric registrar who insisted it not necessary. I said if they wouldn't do this he would need holding down and would try every tactic in the book, with offers to help - a delaying tactic, or talking to the doctors about everything and anything. He also lashes out and screams if not in control of the situation (he is back to his lovely self as soon as it is over).

Well the doctors told me they knew best (despite having a patchy history of DS) and when they were trying to get blood he was doing all of the above. And the doctors, despite the nurse and I telling them what DS would do, ignored it and tried talking to DS, thereby delaying bloods. Then when I said just take blood, he began to lash out, which led to the doctor calling him a mean bully, telling him off for kicking them (i warned them to hold his legs) and other such comments during the treatment.

Why don't they listen? They were the same earlier in the day, when taking his history. Constantly overiding what we were saying and telling us what was happening (we knew what was happening, it was routine treatment, and has been for the last four years!), didn't answer our valid questions and ignored some of our concerns that we wanted raising with the consultant. We have a long history of dealing with DS's conditions and do have more knowledge of it than some general paediatricians, so they should listen to us.

DS's behaviour in these situations isn't normal I'll admit, but we had progressed so well with months of counselling, and he deals really well with certain needles into the portacath. But this threw him and has undone all the work that we have had over the last few months. Plus he is due back next week for bloods which he has pointedly refused.

If they'd have listened it wouldn't have had to be like that but I'm so sick of 'know it all' doctors who actually know fucking nothing.*

*Disclaimer - not all doctors, just the majority of registrars we've met. New doctors, some registrars and consultants do listen and they are such a credit to the media, profession.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 15/02/2012 21:59

YANBU

I've lost count of the amount of times I've sat in a hospital and heard nurses moaning about how ignorant and stand offish the Doctors are.

A couple of years ago, my DS had suspected apendacities (can't fecking spell it!) and the Doctor was so lovely, friendly and sympathetic that we all remarked upon it.

Then I thought to myself what a shame it was that a consultant Doctor like that should be so rare.

ReindeerBollocks · 15/02/2012 22:09

Thanks Worra.

We've seen countless registrars over the years, and they tend to be qualified enough to talk down to parents, but not qualified enough to answer my bloody questions.

I'm so angry but I know from bitter experience complaining won't work and they'll just blame DS. Bastards.

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DorisIsWaiting · 15/02/2012 22:11

YANBU we have the same with dd. When she was very very young they attempted to insert a long line without sedation... I vowed never again (she was too young to remember that time but there will never be another).

We refuse to consent to treatment that does not meet her needs (all her needs psychological ones included), and long line now is done under sedation, even if it does irritate them. It does help that I have a medical background and persist (like the time dd had a bowel obstruction and they didn't belive me and just thought she had an upset stomach despite her history of several previous bowel obstructions!).

They listen now.

DorisIsWaiting · 15/02/2012 22:12

PS hope it's a short stay.

Kayano · 15/02/2012 22:12

faints good god MN needs a needles/veins warning symbol or something. Ack they are everywhere!!! Sorry op was not prepared
For detail SadConfused

ReindeerBollocks · 15/02/2012 22:15

Kayano - I'm sorry, I know you have needle phobia too. I should have put a warning in. I hope you can't forgive me?

Doris - I think my DS and your DD have the same condition. I have actually issued them the guidelines on preventing needle phobia by giving sedation before long lines to prevent this. It didn't work, he fought against sedation and we are left in this situation. They thought sedation was unnecessary due to on,y needing six vials. Fools, they won't make that mistake again.

FWiW I'm now doing IV's at home. Thank goodness.

OP posts:
ReindeerBollocks · 15/02/2012 22:16

*only

OP posts:
ReindeerBollocks · 15/02/2012 22:17

I hope you can forgive me?

Damn, I'm obviously more tired than I thought nothing to do with the wine

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Kayano · 15/02/2012 22:17

There is a specific type of needle phobia which does include lack of control OP. I suffer from it. I believe it to be the 2nd
Or 3rd most common Type of needle phobia.

I suffer from it very very badly. I've had cbt and so many medical professionals don't understand or are very unsympathetic.

It doesn't help when every Tom dick and Harry claims to have a needle phobia but when you ask for Details it turns
Out they just 'don't like needles very much'

So... Hmm they don't have a phobia. All it
Does is detract from those who have a proper phobia and makes people skeptical as to the severity of it.

Sad for your son Sad

ModreB · 15/02/2012 22:17

I am so sorry, but have been in this situation with DS2. Many times Sad

I would have refused to allow anything the registrar had wanted to happen without a full discussion with the consultant, unless they were doing what I as the mother had told them was the best way to go.

Do not ever forget that you are the parent, and what you say goes. They are Doctors, but so what. They still sit on the pot and crap, just like everyone else.

But then, I was always a bolshy parent Grin

Kayano · 15/02/2012 22:19

So in conclusion.
The doctor was a twunt
And so are Tom Dick and Harry Grin

All is forgiven. faces situation all hard Of face like

ReindeerBollocks · 15/02/2012 22:21

Kayano - we have been in therapy ( I think it's CBT - it's like trying to rationalise and give coping stratergies) for months. Hence why I am so angry.

I had to hold DS down as he was fighting back - he told me he hated me and wanted me to die. I guess he thinks I betrayed him. We stopped therapy before Christmas but he already told me he wants to go back.

What makes it worse is the way they speak to him, when he is having a full blown fighting attack, like it's his fault. Despite the warnings, and me telling them and even the nurse was fighting our corner, as she knows him and knows what will happen when he needs bloods he wasn't prepared for.

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hiddenhome · 15/02/2012 22:22

I find that most doctors have left their brains outside the entrance to medical school. The brains roll away and are never seen again Sad

ReindeerBollocks · 15/02/2012 22:23

Modre - I have in the past stopped treatment and not so politely told a doctor to stop and leave.

However they completely sidelined me, as they had told me he needs bloods for something alongside his normal bloods (serious infection) so I knew the bloods needed doing. But the minute it started I knew I should have pushed for sedation. Bugger, I messed up didn't I?

OP posts:
Smellslikecatspee · 15/02/2012 22:24

They're arses 'cause all the bolshy nurses [like me and my mates] got sick on being dumped on and aren't there to kick some respect in to them.......Grin

Seriously though how old is your DS? is he old enough to refuse these procedures, so you can threaten them with legal action if they force these actions on him?

Otherwise become the parent from hell, next time say fine; before you start I want someone from PALs here and a child advocate present as you have given them the relevent info and they are choosing to ignore it.

As for the doctor calling him a bully and telling him off, you need to follow this up and complain. Rotten way to treat anyone young or old.......

I have deep sympathy for your DS while I don't have a needle phobia I do have a dentist one, and I as a [cough 38 cough with a degree and working knowledge of psychology] year old realise how irrational this fear is.

Does this stop me from quivering in a heap outside the dentist office every time with my lovely lovely Dentist coaxing me in.

No, so how can a child be expected to work through a phobia when shits like that are around????

Kayano · 15/02/2012 22:25

It is so disgusting. They need more training and awareness and need to listen to their patients/ their families with stuff like this.

It's not his fault at all and it could set him back Sad

Have you tried hypnotherapy a d breathing exercises op? I've started that too since getting pregnant and it helped so so much with antiD needles and bloods.

Had my first needle in 16 years in 2011 after that

cory · 15/02/2012 22:26

Isn't it just shit when you have worked so hard on psychological treatment to overcome a problem and some idiot goes and ruins it! Sad

historyrepeats · 15/02/2012 22:28

Agree, wholeheartldly. Sad

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 15/02/2012 22:29

FFS! Angry
Bloody wanky bastards!

How dare they.

I am so angry on your behalf and DS. WHY do they not listen?
You have a child with a chronic condition you KNOW what they need to do.
You are not pretending you know more about medicine than they do, you are telling them you know more about your son than they do.

I dont know what to say. I am really upset for you.

This happened to DD. She wanted sedation for her NG tube change. So she got it. After all she had been through why the hell shouldnt she? I let OH take her to get it replaced once. They persuaded him she didnt need it because 'she was a big girl' and told DD' be brave, the little ones have it so you should to'.

They blood held her down and fucking done it to her Sad

I have never, ever forgiven them for what they did to her.

I am sorry reindeer. This is so, so crap.

ReindeerBollocks · 15/02/2012 22:30

He is 7.

He needs the bloods, I know he does, and unfortunately so does he. DS is adored by all the nursing staff they've been nursing him every few months since birth, and are fabulous. I'm not anti doctor either, just against egotiscal doctors who think Its beneath them to listen to us lowly parents.

We tried deep breathing and going to his happy place. His response was 'I don't care, just stop'. Problem is the more the doctors talked to him (like we told them not to) the more it builds and becomes an issue. Even the nurse intervened and told them to just get on with it.

I'll phone his nurse and ask for another referral back to psychology tomorrow. But I also know that complaining won't make a difference when they state that the patient was violent, despite it being a child with a severe phobia.

OP posts:
OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 15/02/2012 22:32

I feel murderous.

Kayano · 15/02/2012 22:32

I feel sick on his behalf and yours Sad it must be awful to go through for everyone.

The more doctors talk at you (not to you) with no comprehension of the phobia and affects it can spiral into pure
Panic so so quickly Sad

roadkillbunny · 15/02/2012 22:33

I totally get what you are saying and YANBU, I hope any set back with your ds is temporary and with the right methods used he can get back on track with dealing with his medical needs.
I can get very frustrated with the mangled mess that some doctors produce and call my medical history. I have broken my leg and had to spend a week in hospital having surgery and dealing with complications both from the break and my, admittedly quite complex medical history and preexisting conditions. When I read my discharge letter once at home I just wanted to bang my head against a wall, in the part about medical history half of what was written was just plain wrong, the rest was completely mixed up and largely incomprehensible and then there was assumptions made (I have chronic pain, they completely wrongly state I have back pain, my back is one of the few places pain is not an issue!).
I also found it mind boggling the strange things they chose to focus on that had nothing to do with and did not effect my broken bones or the treatment for them, why they felt the need to write in the short space for general medical history about the fact a surgery I had when I was 7 (but they seemed to think I had it at 2 for some unknown reason) was at the time the first time in the the country on such a young child, I mean why, yes, it is interesting for doctors and I have no problem talking to them about it if they want to but it is completely irrelevant to the reason I was in hospital and had no baring what so ever on the treatment I received!
Okay, when off topic a bit there but it has been bugging me and being wheelchair bound just now able to do nothing much for myself is giving me too much brooding time.
Hope your ds is okay and getting over the trauma, put your foot down if they don't listen to you and the nursing staff that know your ds best and refuse to allow them to perform the procedure unless they do it in a way that works for your son.

ReindeerBollocks · 15/02/2012 22:34

MrsDeVere, it's their 'I know best just get it done' attitude, almost like its inconvenient to take the extra time to deal with my child that annoys me.

They tried talking to him afterwards as we were going home, he told them that he'd never forgive them for hurting him - this is not like him and he didn't know the half of it.

Thanks to everyone who has responded. It makes me realise that my requests arent silly, but the best for my boy. I let him down by getting him to do it. Next time I'll kick some doctor arse. Next time will be next Monday :(

OP posts:
Smellslikecatspee · 15/02/2012 22:35

Sorry slow typer, no you didn't mess up.

Sometime as an informed parent you are in the worst ever position, you know what could happen if the treatment isn't given and how bad that could be and you know how it should be done.

Shitty end of the stick no matter what you do.

Ps:no disrespect to the peads nurse shes most likily in the position I was a few years ago fighting her arse off for her patients and getting no support. . .

Anyway enough of my issues, hope your DS is better soon.