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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have taken DS's dummy away at 2.8

42 replies

fullofregrets · 15/02/2012 19:57

My husband thinks I'm cruel. So does my mother. I think my toddler's teeth are starting to protrude like bugs bunny's.

My husband thinks we should wait until DS volunteers to give it up. Will that ever happen? DS has actually gone to sleep...I think...with minimal fuss and a promise that the dummy fairy will have left him a gift in the morning.

I've done the right thing haven't I? Feeling guilty.

OP posts:
JockTamsonsBairns · 15/02/2012 20:04

I took my Ds's dummy away at around a similar age - with far less fuss than I'd anticipated. I don't think you're being cruel at all, imo it's just a habit at this age and not really necessary.

Ironically, I don't really like to see toddlers with dummies - but my Dd is 2.7 and I'm starting to gear myself up for getting rid of hers too Grin.

YANBU - if your Ds has fallen asleep in anticipation of the dummy fairy bringing a little pressie in exchange for them, then both you and he have done really well.

Birnamwood · 15/02/2012 21:19

I took ds1's away at that age, did the whole dummy fairy thing and after a couple of nights he had completely forgotten about it and only mentioned a dummy when he saw another child with one and even then he said 'I don't need a dummy now do I because I'm a big boy now'.

Yanbu and not being cruel!

ginmakesitallok · 15/02/2012 21:23

DD1 happily gave up her dummy before 2. DD2 is 2.4 and is very clear that although she is a "big girl" she needs her "dirty dum". If your DS is happy without his then of course YANBU!

NoWayNoHow · 15/02/2012 21:23

YANBU - he doesn't need it any more, and it's far more cruel to continue giving it to him if you can see it's damaging his teeth.

FWIW, it's myth that kids will give them up voluntarily - I had the misfortune of watching a poor, mortified, 7yo girl hiding her face behind a blanket because she was so embarrassed that she still had it... Poor thing.

Original poster
fullofregrets · 15/02/2012 21:51

Thanks, you've all made me feel better. So far DS has stayed asleep but he has never been a brilliant sleeper and is usually up at least twice in the night anyway so we will see...

Mil has added to the 'you're being cruel' club and has once again told the story of how DH gave his dummy up voluntarily. I reckon he was about 5 though...

If I didn't think DS's teeth were starting to come forwards I'd probably leave it for a bit but it has got to be done sooner or later anyway. That's what I'm telling myself, and will remind myself of during the night when DS wakes up and cries!

OP posts:
microserf · 15/02/2012 21:53

we're about to do the same thing! the dummy fairy is coming this friday, whether my DD likes it or not. she is going to get a present Hmm but the damn dummies are all going in an envelope and we're posting them to Little Babies, care of the Dummy Fairy.

YANBU most definitely.

Original poster
fullofregrets · 15/02/2012 22:02

I have promised DS a present. I ordered it a while back and kept it for this very purpose. He's obsessed with fixing things so he has got a little tool bench and some tools. It is what he wanted. I do worry that he will think this is just a one night thing though and tomorrow night will either expect his dummy back or will expect another present on Friday morning!

OP posts:
lazylula · 15/02/2012 22:02

I don't think you are cruel. I did give my dummy up at about 3 as my mum had convinced me it was all the dirty dummy's fault I had a cough. I wasn't allowed it ouside of the bedroom anyway (so only at night) and I came out with it one morning and told my mum it was a dirty dummy and I was putting it in the bin but most people I know have had to do the dummy fairy or go cold turkey on it. A friend of mine was told by a dentist that any damage done to teeth before they are 5 will repair itself, any damage after 5 will be for life. I have no idea how true that is but she has made sure all of hers have given up dummies by 5.

Birnamwood · 15/02/2012 22:04

It will be interesting to see if your ds wakes tonight, I know ds1 slept far more soundly after his dummy was taken away. My theory is that they wake to find the dummy as its fallen out but if it was never there in the first place then they can't miss it. Skewed logic I know.

lagrandissima · 15/02/2012 22:05

No YANBU or cruel. In 3 days your LO will have forgotten it. have a dummy burning ceremony (or similar) and buy him a cuddly toy or something. Make sure he has a nightlight or the door cracked open. IMHO it would be more irresponsible to let your LO's teeth grow wonky and stop him from trying to articulate verbally what is bothering him.

microserf · 15/02/2012 22:11

our idea is to put them in the mail as she can't ask for them back or search the bins for them (which she definitely would). the present is quid pro quo for the "gift" she's giving to little babies, who the Dummy Fairy thinks needs dummies more than she does.

it does sound a load of bollocks, but we are tired of our near 3 year old wandering into the lounge with a dummy in her mouth, or screaming because she can't find them - at 2am - when they are directly in front of her nose.

upahill · 15/02/2012 22:18

I never saw the point of dummies myself so I don't think you are being cruel to get shut of it!!

megapixels · 15/02/2012 22:20

YANBU. My DD's teeth was going that way too, I didn't want her teeth to enter a room before she did. The first night was hard (she only had it at night at that stage), but of course it gets forgotten soon. Be strong, don't give it back now that you've taken it.

P.S. My dh too pulled the "You're cruel" thing with me. Personally I think it's just laziness about dealing with the hassle rather than any concern for the child Wink.

Original poster
fullofregrets · 15/02/2012 22:53

DS only has it at night too, but that is still over 12 hours a day. Which is why his teeth are starting to come forwards I suppose. I've just been to see him and he still seems peaceful. It seems too good to be true though! Maybe he is dreaming about his tool bench.

OP posts:
Freshlettice · 15/02/2012 23:24

Awful things. Can't understand why anyone would use them.

CoffeeDog · 15/02/2012 23:28

We let DS have his until after he had his big op - he LOVED his dee-dee... He is just 3. Took DD's away at 2.

He is 3 days post dee-dee fairy (she gave him a train set) and only asked for a dummy once when he trapped his toe under the door and bled everywhere.

upahill · 15/02/2012 23:29

I hated the idea of them! They look like a giant plug in their tiny faces!

Why would you???????

Pandemoniaa · 15/02/2012 23:42

I hate 'em. Truly hate 'em and I really dislike seeing toddlers wandering around plugged into a dummy. Having said that, much to my horror, ds2 actually needed a dummy but at 7 months old made the big mistake of spending a couple of days throwing it out of the pram. Clearly, he was much more amused by the idea of throwing it about than he was being plugged into it so it disappeared permanently.

Dgd had a dummy for about 2 weeks when a tiny baby. ds2 and ddil are not keen on dummies either so everyone was very pleased when dgd lost interest in it almost immediately.

So no, OP. You aren't at all cruel. I'm just impressed that you've tolerated the wretched thing as long as you have!

maras2 · 15/02/2012 23:51

As long as the Dummy Fairy takes it before he goes to school don't worry.Oh, no such thing as 'goofy teeth' due to dummies where did that come from?

microserf · 18/02/2012 20:33

well, we've just done it, and it worked fantastically!

second night, and not one incident of complaining. she keeps telling me she's a big girl and doesn't need it. Smile

GnomeDePlume · 18/02/2012 20:41

We told DD1 we had given hers to a boy who's name she knew but didnt see anymore (avoiding any awkward demands!). She was perfectly happy.

For those of you who hate them - you do know that it isnt about you, it is about what works for your child dont you?

Mishy1234 · 18/02/2012 20:41

Yanbu op. I think you instinctively know when your child is ready to give these kinds of things. It's a big change so t's natural to feel daunted by it, but I'm sure all will go smoothly!

Mishy1234 · 18/02/2012 20:44

Like all parenting tools, dummies have their place. They serve their purpose for a time and then the child moves on. I neither love nor hate them, but they are a godsend for some children.

upahill · 18/02/2012 20:49

Yes Gnome I do know that and my boys didn't miss or didn't need what they weren't offered.
It worked a treat for us.

MissMarjoribanks · 18/02/2012 20:54

I wasn't going to give my DS a dummy, but he was a sucky baby, and my boobs couldn't take it.

We went cold turkey, at 2.1, 3 weeks ago. He was obsessed with it and was asking for it constantly. After 45 minutes of crying the first night he's been fine and I wish I had done it earlier. He sleeps with a different random object of his choice every night now, but I don't care about that.

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