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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU stop telling me to cheer up, Im fucking fine!!!!

33 replies

fanjodisfunction · 14/02/2012 15:56

This woman at work keeps passing me everyday and without fail says, cheer up love it might never happen.

I told her today to shut up Im working would she prefer me to sit there with an insane smile on my face!

Also I thought in the back on my head that I fucking hate the phase 'it might never happen' I would never say this to someone. What if the worst had just happened. And to be honest I have had a very bad year and she knows this, but I am usually a happy person but when Im working I usually have a serious face on, dont we all?

OP posts:
mrsjay · 14/02/2012 15:58

I have 1 of those faces where people think somebody has died , I just dont have a very cheery face so i get that most days drives me potty YANBU

theodorakis · 14/02/2012 16:00

I 100 per cent agree. I have spent years being told I look tired and/or stressed, especially on days when I have made a huge effort. Sadly for me, Botox changed that for me, I have natural eye bags because I'm Greek and bad skin from sunbathing in cooking oil from at the age of 15. I should never have had to resort to that but the passive aggressive bullies have finally left me and i am 38

OldGreyWiffleTest · 14/02/2012 16:01

Know how you feel - I have one of those 'faces' when, in repose, doesn't look particularly happy. I got sick to death of people saying the same thing to me, and it is actually very very rude.

Tell her you've had some horrendous news, which you can't talk about due to the Official Secrets Act (or some such) and get her really going!

mojitomania · 14/02/2012 16:02

Or what about "you look well" - did I look ruddy sick or something before? Grin

LindyHemming · 14/02/2012 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustHecate · 14/02/2012 16:05

Grin did you really tell her to shut up?

What did she say?

Constantly saying/asking the same thing is enough to drive you to murder.

My husband does this thing that drives me nuts. I tell him that, for example, I've got a headache. Five minutes later he will ask "are you ok?" no, I say, I have a headache. I've just said.

later, he'll say "you don't seem very happy, are you ok?"

"Headache." I snap

After a while, he'll look at me with a concerned face, and say "is something wrong?"
To which I'll say - what do you think is wrong? What have I been saying is wrong?

Later, he'll say "you're quiet, is everything ok"

At which point I leap up from the sofa, rip off his arm and beat him to death with it.

Tooblunt2012 · 14/02/2012 16:06

I have one of those faces too & that saying drives me bananas! Glad you told her where to go - hope it made you feel better & might make her think twice in future!

CumpyGrunt · 14/02/2012 16:08

Me too.

This is my happy face Sad

mrsjay · 14/02/2012 16:10

My Daughter has the face too and i do find myself saying to her are you ok Blush i should learn to leave her alone . Sometimes people just want to say something I tend to ignore them but it does Grate

D0oinMeCleanin · 14/02/2012 16:10

My sister answers this with "If I had constant grin on my face people would believe I had something in my knickers that should not be in my knickers. This my 'meh' face. Deal with it."

SaltResistantSlug · 14/02/2012 16:36

I used to get this a lot from - ironically - the most miserable person I knew at the time.

Personally I feel uneasy around people who smile too much.

blackcurrants · 14/02/2012 16:57

I hate people telling me to smile. When I'm at my desk, working, reading, or just walking around thinking, I look very serious.

Someone did the "give us a smile, luv" at me one day when I was actually quite happy but didn't need to sodding PROVE it, and I snapped "My face is not there for you amusement."

Arse that I am, I really enjoyed his reaction of blustering shock.

But there is a point there, right? That we have to be pleasing to look at ALL THE BLOODY TIME? That women must always be cheerful?

honestly tell me, has anyone EVER told a man they don't know to smile for them? I mean, I certainly haven't. But I get told to smile by random men all the bloomin time!

mrsjay · 14/02/2012 17:02

My neighbour is a really smiley person but she is also a witch from hell and a gossip who twists things , I dont trust overly smiley people either Grin

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 14/02/2012 17:47

I hate this too. And someone did say it to me at the worst possible time.

Stupid Twat: Cheer up, it might never happen, and it's Christmas.
Me: My daughter died last week.
ST: Oh, well yes but, it's Christmas! Everyone's happy at Christmas.

You are not being unreasonable OP.

Tooblunt2012 · 14/02/2012 18:39

Oh my goodness NoOnes - that's terrible, so sorry for your loss. I think you must have done remarkably well not to smack them!

Blackcurrants - love your saying & might use it myself just to see the reaction - my face is not there for your amusement!! Grin

Totally agree with another poster who said that they've never said it to a man but plenty of men have said it to them. Same here (although I've never said it to a woman either & plenty of those have said it to me too!).

Tooblunt2012 · 14/02/2012 18:40

Sorry Blackcurrants, just realised it was you who said the man thing too.

ILoveSanta · 14/02/2012 18:48

JustHecate I think we may be married to the same man!

It is bloody annoying, I agree!

signet2012 · 14/02/2012 19:01

I think its a stupid thing to say to anyone and I must have a miserable face as people always say this to me..

Once on a train the conductor said to me "bloody hell love cheer up" And then prodded this man sat opposite and said "have you ever seen anybody look so bloody gloomy" and then openly laughed in my face and said " it might not happen love SMILE!!!"

Im afraid, as morally wrong as this was I couldnt help myself.

I looked at him and said " I apologize if my face is slightly tripping me up, I've just finished a 60 hour working week, and been told I'm immediately redundant which wouldn't be so bad if I didn't find my DH in bed with a MAN last week- which would of been tragic enough if my dearest grandparent had not just died and I was actually at her funeral at the time he was shagging a bloke. My purse has been stolen, my train was late and now you are standing there casting assumptions on my miserable face and including strangers in the mocking of me.... which on any other day... if I wasn't PRE menstrual I would even of handled that. But now just to top of my fanbloodytastic life off by telling me there is no bloody change so if I do not have the correct money you are going to charge me 3% card transaction, aren't you.... AREN'T YOU!?!

To which he put his head down and said no but I will let you travel for free this time and walked past bright red. The man over the aisle found his paper very interesting and didnt look up for the 20 min train ride.

I know it was wrong but I was so bloody sick of people saying that. Also was pre menstrual so some of it was kind of true.

signet2012 · 14/02/2012 19:03

God that sounds even worse in writing. I'm pretty sane and balanced person normally honestly!
Blush

hugglymugly · 14/02/2012 19:52

Oh, well done, signet. That was an absolutely magnificent riposte, and might have taught the dumhead a thing or three so he doesn't do the same thing to someone else.

That kind of "cheer up" comment is often a type of bullying. I bet if you had been a 6-ft+, brawny, Hell's Angel kind of bloke, he wouldn't have said anything.

blackcurrants · 14/02/2012 22:34

oh signet, you are amazing!
And yes, I think it IS a kind of bullying, and I bet he'll think twice before doing it again :)

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 15/02/2012 00:03

Slightly different but someone I know always used to say to me "Are you ok? you look awful", one time she said to me "you've got terrible dark circles, I find it fascinating how they're so bad when you say you're not tired". She was only an acquaintance and luckily our paths don't cross these days. I just used to reply "yep, I'm fine" when she kept going on and on.

EverythingInMjiniature · 15/02/2012 07:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shakemyhead · 15/02/2012 07:34

Try this one - usually a perplexed reaction trying to work out what you are implying

See the happy moron, He doesn?t give a damn. I wish I were a moron, My God! Perhaps I am!
Ha

seeker · 15/02/2012 07:42

My poor dd has a face that in repose looks slightly sad (pictorial proof on my profile!). Total strangers are always asking her if she's ok, and I am constantly having to stop myself asking her if she's had a bad day at school. One day she will actually murder someone for doing this- and I don't think there's a court in the land thwt would convict her!