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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being precious/entitled/grasping?

82 replies

Kveta · 14/02/2012 09:57

it's my 30th birthday today.

My family have forgotten that it's my 30th.

My friends, for the most part, have forgotten that it's my birthday. (not my 'OMG' pals if you're reading this and feeling aggrieved :o)

Some family have also forgotten the birthday aspect of the day, not just the 30th.

My sister (who forgot my 21st) thought I was 29 today, so I am erring towards forgiveness there... :o

My parents have said that my birthday isn't important anymore because I have children now (am 24 weeks with DC2), which is fine. I won't stop sending them nice presents and cards, and plotting stuff for their 60th birthdays, but can see where they are coming from I suppose. Alright, I really can't see their viewpoint at all, it's odd to me.

I am just wondering if it's grasping/entitled/other MN buzzwords to be a bit miffed that I have had a couple of cards and a few FB messages, but nothing from my brother, grandmother, other relatives (aunts mainly), close friends? I would have liked a couple of cards/text messages, that's all.

I am talking about friends/family whose birthdays I always remember btw, and who I send cards/presents (where appropriate) to. People who I make an effort for, because I love/like/tolerate them.

(DH has made a big effort btw, and DS is totally unaware of the whole thing, except for the cake in the house which he had his beady eyes on all morning. And one of my friends made the effort to hand deliver a card yesterday, which was really lovely of her, and I am very touched by that. So I feel very loved and fortunate to have them being nice to me :))

AIB massively U to feel this way?

OP posts:
Original poster
Kveta · 14/02/2012 09:57

God, I'm being deeply precious here, aren't I?! :o

OP posts:
charitygirl · 14/02/2012 09:58

Yanbu, in my opinion. Happy birthday!

LilacWaltz · 14/02/2012 09:59

They have forgotten your birthday. That's all

Why is '30th' important? Since when?

LilacWaltz · 14/02/2012 10:00

Oh, happy birthday too!

Thefoxsbrush · 14/02/2012 10:00

Happy birthday! Yanbu.

SingingTunelessly · 14/02/2012 10:00

YANBU at all. (Yours parent definitely are though - that is an odd way to view your child's birthday regardless of how old)

Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Thanks Grin

Thetokengirl · 14/02/2012 10:04

Happy birthday.
As your DH has remembered and made a big deal of it, then I think YABabitU.
My DH made a total mess of both my 30th and 40th, so I'm Envy.

MyCatHasStaff · 14/02/2012 10:05

Happy Birthday! Thanks YANBU it's just a little disappointing and hurtful isn't it? You don't seem to be asking to be lavished in gifts.

iseenodust · 14/02/2012 10:06

Happy birthday.

It's a bit odd of your parents but more distant relations have that philosophy in our family. ie my aunt doesn't send nieces/nephews presents anymore but does great-nieces.

It's still early though for friends to be written off. They may come good later in the day.

gamerwidow · 14/02/2012 10:06

YANBU at the very least I'd expect a text and a card from my nearest and dearest on my birthday. Your parents stance is odd as well why would having children suddenly negate your birthday, are you no longer a person in your own right?
LilacWaltz 30th has long been a special birthday it's why you can get cards for 30th but not 29th etc.

JustHecate · 14/02/2012 10:06

Happy birthday.

I think there's no reasonable or unreasonable. Some people don't care about their birthdays, (I don't) other people do and like to be made a fuss of. Both are fine.

The people that I dislike are those who say that birthdays don't matter and don't make an effort, but would sulk if you stopped making the effort for them

Are your family like that?

If birthdays 'don't matter' to them - then don't bother. You say that you won't stop, but why? if birthdays don't matter to them - they won't appreciate anything you do, will they?

Now, I am not actually suggesting that you call a real halt to it, but I do think that you should tell them that you are, on the grounds that birthdays don't matter, in their view.

Because I think that it's important that they think about their attitude. They are no doubt happy to receive. They may even be offended/hurt/whatever if you forgot (would they?) but they expect you to accept being told that birthdays are nothing?

I may be wrong, and they actually wouldn't give a stuff if you never got them anything ever again...

OrmIrian · 14/02/2012 10:06

Happy Birthday. No you aren't being grasping. It's a birthday, a BIG one. Have a great day!

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 14/02/2012 10:06

Happy Birthday Grin

I organised a big party for my 30th, and invited about 100 people. I was a student at the time and had never really had a party since I was a small child, and hardly anybody came! About 6 people from uni came, even my parents and sister didn't come, and the two pairs of friends who weren't from uni only stayed half an hour then sneaked out while I was on the loo.
(Have I made you feel better? please say I have)

gamerwidow · 14/02/2012 10:07

oops I forgot to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY too!

Lumiya · 14/02/2012 10:07

It is only 10 am. Plenty of time for more cards and birthday wishes.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 14/02/2012 10:07

OK, fine, some of them are not bothered by birthdays. I'd be tempted to show them the same disinterest when it's theirs, see what they say? After all, your parents are grown up with children, right?

My parents / brother / grandparents and I don't bother, by mutual agreement - cards but no presents.

Lumiya · 14/02/2012 10:08

Oh pombear Sad

LilacWaltz · 14/02/2012 10:10

gamer morefir the card companies than anything else I think!!

Card retailers try to make everything special!

nomorebuffalo · 14/02/2012 10:10

Happy 30th Birthday Kveta!

YANBU. At all. I would be really upset if it was a normal birthday and more so if it was a special one. Think the way your parents view your birthday is odd, but glad your DP has made a big deal of it.

Really sorry, hope the day improves for you :)

lorcana · 14/02/2012 10:10

You are 30 fgs !! You sound very 'princessy' to me - loads of perople have remembered ! What do you want a full pager declaration in Times ? Get over yourself.

Original poster
Kveta · 14/02/2012 10:10

thanks all - I was worried I was being a bit of a prat, but glad others would feel a bit Hmm about this too! Thetoken my DH doesn't have this option, as it's his birthday next week, and I made a BIG deal out of his 30th (pre-DC). Plus it's valentines day. He knows very well how much it would upset me if he forgot!! Sorry your DH messed up though :(

Lilac I always thought 30th was a bigger birthday - like 18th, 21st, 40th, 50th, 60th etc. In DH's country, 45th, 55th, 65th etc are big birthdays too! I don't expect to be serenaded by dancing champagne flutes or showered in diamonds, but a card, at least, would have been nice!! (FWIW, almost all my friends who have forgotten are already 30, and I gave them nice 30th presents last year! Oh well :))

OP posts:
jubilee10 · 14/02/2012 10:11

We don't go in for birthdays much in our family but my mum always remembers me. Smile happy birthday!

Original poster
Kveta · 14/02/2012 10:14

oh Pombear :( that's shit.

Hecate yes, all family would be MASSIVELY pissed off if their birthdays were forgotten :o My parents in particular!

It really doesn't matter, in the grand scheme of things, but I was a wee bit miffed this morning. That's all :) I know how lucky I am to have DH being lovely too, so not really complaining, just a tiny bit down about it. That may just be old age talking though :o

OP posts:
SillyStrokeSensibleMum · 14/02/2012 10:15

YANBU. I feel exactly the same. I give presents/cards etc (as appropriate) for friends and family yet many of them forget mine Sad. I will watch this thread with interest to see what other people think.

Pombear Sad

Oh and happy birthday by the way, OP! And it is early so hopefully you'll be overwhelmed by cards, texts, gifts etc later in the day!

anniekins · 14/02/2012 10:16

Maybe there's a big surprise party planned for later........wishful thinking on your behalf.......but might be worth dusting off the gladrags just incase!