To Think People Should Have Table Manners.

[rosie1977]

This is my first AIBU post its going to be a long one so forgive me.

A few months ago we went to Mcdonalds and being new in the area thought would be nice to invite one of DD's new school friends with us. Her mother joined us as obviously she didnt know us from adam. My OH bought all the food and we sat their with our youngest 2 DC and this little girl and her mother. The mother sat and broke wind throughout the meal. She belched loudly. She scoffed her dinner so quickly it was gross. And after all that she rubbed her tummy and told us she was going for a poo.

Fast forward to yesterday. Our DD's 8th Birthday and we decided on a family meal before her party in a few weeks time. We invite the same little girl as her and my DD have become best friends at school.

Sat at Pizza Hut with all 5 of our DC and this little girl who belches, bottom burps and talks with her mouth full spitting food at everyone. I tried to have a quiet word to tell her we behave properly at the dinner table, she of course ignores me.
This little girl was so rude to us all, she yelled at me when I asked my DD not to do something apparently it was her birthday she could do what she damn liked. She kept demanding drinks like they were going out of fashion.
I know she is only 8 but she obviously had a number 2 accident at some stage because the smell coming from this Little girl was disgusting and my OH kept asking me to check our DS's nappy.

It is really that bad to expect not only when you are out eating that people have manners and act in a dignified way? Is it really that bad to expect some respect from a little girl when you have taken them out.

Maybe i am a snob but i have always brought my 5 DC up so i can take them anywhere and when they behave in a naughty way they get taken outside and spoken to. If the behaviour didnt stop the other people in the family have been allowed to continue eating and me and the naughty one have stood outside until the child understands they are not allowed to sit and eat until their behaviour changes. Its worked on all 5 of my children, 1 has developmental delays.

Sorry rant over its just her manners shocked me.

YANBU but with a mother like that, I wouldn't have expected anything better from the child. I'm not sure there's anything you can actually do about it except not invite her out again...

YANBU. You know that, because any normal person would be disgusted with the behaviours you mention.
But..... It is the mother's fault. The girl has been brought up to think it is fine to behave like that, and she is only eight. I would feel sorry for the girl, knowing that she will have tough times when she grows up - what kind of boyfriend is going to want to take her out to dinner?

Just be grateful that you have taught your DC better manners and feel quietly smug

YASOOOOOOOONBU!

I thought my DP was bad, eating at 100mph and chewing with his mouth open! Am at that mum's behaviour. 'Manners' is a really old-fashioned word but I'm with you 100% - it's really just showing consideration for other people which includes not treating people to a detailed description of your digestive processes

oh YANBU - but it is the parents fault. clearly this woman finds it acceptable, so her children know no different.

My pet hate is knives and forks in the wrong hand, but holding the knife like a pen makes me demonised. I just can't bear it.

And they think they are so well mannered. Absolute ignorance.
It is about the only thing which really gets my goat.

YANBU

TBH, very few people eat round a table these days it's no wonder ther are few manners. Walk through any school canteen or even down the high street. Cutlety is a thing of the past.

What did shock me was at the school prom, 16yo's who couldnt use a kmnife and had to ask staff to cut their steak for them and a lot of these where wa#hat you would deem 'middle class' with professional parents.

Yuck, the mum sounds gross, not the child's fault though.

Laughing gas, I'm with you on the holding knife like a pen, but knives and forks in wrong hand? Surely that is just the same as writing with either left or right hand? I'm right handed when writing but left handed when eating, I can't eat the other way round!

YANBU.

LaughingGas - my dad started doing that holding a knife like a pen thing when he met his wife. It makes my teeth itch!!!

The most infuriating thing is that I can see her looking at me, DH and our children as though we are savages for holding our cutlery properly

troisgarçons - I really don't think I know anyone who doesn't eat round a table!

'What did shock me was at the school prom, 16yo's who couldnt use a kmnife and had to ask staff to cut their steak for them'

I work with under-5s and was shocked at nursery staff telling me that 3 year olds don't know how to use a fork but SIXTEEN YEAR OLDS who can't use a knife!!!!! Flippin' Nora!

YADNBU but I don't think you can blame the daughter if that's the example that is being set. I just don't think that children are taught manners these days, and as someone else says, it's rare for families to sit down together to eat a meal at a table. My children hate how much of a stickler for manners I am, but they will thank me for it later on .

Could some explain what holding a knife like a pen looks like? Am sat here with a pen puzzling and trying to work it out

Do you mean when someone has their first finger running down the top of the knife?

The OP is about more than just table manners - it's about civilised behaviour in all its manifestations.

Everyone we know eats around a table too.

Except for my ILs.

I don't know anyone who doesn't eat around a table either actually; we rarely eat altogether as a family though as DH is rarely home before the DCs are in bed during the week, but we eat all our meals together as a family at the weekend (clubs/parties/DCs social lives permitting). As Bonsoir said, it's part of a wider breakdown in civilised society - everyone takes their 'rights' but has no thought that they may come with responsibilities.

I think when someone holds their knife like a pen, the handle of the knife ends up resting on top of the hand rather than being gripped in the palm.

Don't understand it either.

The thing about the sixteen year olds and the steak is SHOCKING.

As an aside, I don't mind moderately bad table manners in a bloke. Not outright grossness though. In my limited sample there is a definite inverse correlation between a man's table manners and how good they are in bed.

Holding the knife like a pen is American isn't it? It really annoys me too

I think I hold my knife like a pen

Do you mean with your finger pointing to the end?

I always thought I was well mannered

Like this

Eating round a table - look at new build properties, rooms are often so small that people cant fit in a dining table. Lap meals are quite common.

We havea table - cant say we gather round it for every meal - if I made the kids wait until DH was home, they wouldnt eat until 8ish, which isnt fair. Then with teenagers they tend to come and go.

A lot of people eat 'on the go' - one of my bugbears is high-street eating. It winds me up a treat in the shopping mall. Again it is food that doesnt require cutlery. Just because it's not in mine or your shere doesnt meal a lot of people don;t habitually eat like that, as a main meal.

^"Everyone we know eats around a table too.

Except for my ILs."^

FolkGirl are you me?

'In my limited sample there is a definite inverse correlation between a man's table manners and how good they are in bed'

Auburnlizzy78, that's just FILTHY

Zero table manners is also a barrier to social mobility. When social classes have broadly similar eating habits and manners it's not too difficult to navigate an unfamiliar social situation; but where someone is incapable even of using and fork whole swathes of social interaction are permanently inaccessible. I think the commonly held idea that manners are 'old-fashioned' may be well-meaning in its relativism but actually has the effect of stratifying social classes starkly and pretty unshakeably.

My youngest DS has a friend who I've been shocked (knowing his parents) to see has dreadful table manners. Starts straight in eating before everyone else is ready, chomps loudly with mouth blatantly open (no sign of blocked nose, which you sometimes have to make allowances for with children).

His parents are both in respectable professions - just seem to have a laissez faire attitude where most things this is concerned.

I think it's only a matter of time before DS makes a wry comment - he already rolls his eyes but he knows not to embarrass him - although I'm half-tempted to turn a blind eye for the rest of our sakes!