To Think People Should Have Table Manners.

[rosie1977]

This is my first AIBU post its going to be a long one so forgive me.

A few months ago we went to Mcdonalds and being new in the area thought would be nice to invite one of DD's new school friends with us. Her mother joined us as obviously she didnt know us from adam. My OH bought all the food and we sat their with our youngest 2 DC and this little girl and her mother. The mother sat and broke wind throughout the meal. She belched loudly. She scoffed her dinner so quickly it was gross. And after all that she rubbed her tummy and told us she was going for a poo.

Fast forward to yesterday. Our DD's 8th Birthday and we decided on a family meal before her party in a few weeks time. We invite the same little girl as her and my DD have become best friends at school.

Sat at Pizza Hut with all 5 of our DC and this little girl who belches, bottom burps and talks with her mouth full spitting food at everyone. I tried to have a quiet word to tell her we behave properly at the dinner table, she of course ignores me.
This little girl was so rude to us all, she yelled at me when I asked my DD not to do something apparently it was her birthday she could do what she damn liked. She kept demanding drinks like they were going out of fashion.
I know she is only 8 but she obviously had a number 2 accident at some stage because the smell coming from this Little girl was disgusting and my OH kept asking me to check our DS's nappy.

It is really that bad to expect not only when you are out eating that people have manners and act in a dignified way? Is it really that bad to expect some respect from a little girl when you have taken them out.

Maybe i am a snob but i have always brought my 5 DC up so i can take them anywhere and when they behave in a naughty way they get taken outside and spoken to. If the behaviour didnt stop the other people in the family have been allowed to continue eating and me and the naughty one have stood outside until the child understands they are not allowed to sit and eat until their behaviour changes. Its worked on all 5 of my children, 1 has developmental delays.

Sorry rant over its just her manners shocked me.

We have a table for six in the kitchen and a table for 10 in the dining room, and we never eat anywhere else than at one of those two tables.

DP gets in at 8pm and we have dinner, all together, thereafter. It lasts about 45 minutes during the week, as there is homework to be done afterwards; at the weekend or on a Friday night it can last for longer as we tend to chat afterwards.

we always eat at a table. When the DCs were young I would often feed them together but I always sat with them to chat and supervise. I think the HugeManatee has made a very good point about social mobility

This makes me shudder. I know a 6yo little boy exactly like that Shotgun - lovely parents who like the fine things in life. But his table manners are non existant! He eats like a pig at a trough, literally flicking the food of the plate with his fork into his mouth, or bending down and putting his mouth at the edge of the plate and shovelling it in. He chews with his mouth open at all times, is rude, incredibly demanding and generally so badly behaved I avoid having him at my house at mealtimes at all costs. His behaviour is truly disgusting and I cannot understand why they let him get away with it. My 3yo behaves better, can chew with his mouth closed, sits until we've finished, and asks to leave the table.

oooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

thanks bonsoir and storm

I can happily say I have never seen anyone hold their knife like a pen, but at least I now know what it looks like :) it was buggung me!

YADNBU! I can't believe that anyone would think such behaviour around a table was okay in any situation. I know that in some cultures a good belch after a meal is though of as a sign of appreciation, but I don't know any where breaking wind is considered an okay thing to do.

The poor girl, what a dreadful example her mother is setting.

One thing that stood out in your post was when you told her to "behave properly". I'm guessing that the girl had no idea what proper behaviour is and this may have made her feel stupid and frustrated. Perhaps it would be gentler next time to say something like "Please don't speak with your mouth full", or reminding her to say please and thank you when appropriate. That way she will know what behaviour is expected rather than feeling stupid for not knowing.

We don't sit round a table for meals at home, we haven't got one, but when we do go somewhere for a meal and sit at a table to eat, my 8 and 5 year old are more than capable of doing so using a knife and fork properly and using their very well learned manners..manners are VERY important to me and my husband..when the kids were smaller we'd tell them that if they eat with their mouths open the food would fall out and they'd lose their dinner and be hungry..lol, this was mostly effective for dc2 as food has always been very important to her..dc1 is just eager to please so doesn't take much convincing to behave well.:o

ILoveSanta I pity you if I am!!!

You are not being unreasonable.

I dont blame the little girl one bit. I just found what should of been a lovely day turn into a total nightmare.

DD has said she would like this little girl around for a sleep over at some point soon. My heart sank to the floor. OH has already said he will go stay at his mums overnight. He really couldnt deal with her bad manners. When I attend a club with my DD, little girl is also present and her mum usually comes too. This woman bottom burped as she was trying to sit on the carpet with her daughter. The whole room stopped and looked. No one said a word as I expect they were expecting her to use her manners and none came. Her little girl is allowed to call her a fat cow, stupid etc and i just cant stand a child speaking to an adult that way.

We always eat at the table, its the time in the day we all sit and talk about school and what has happened in the day. We like to give the kids a thank you about doing homework or doing something really well.

Maybe i am old fashioned, im not a perfect mum with perfect kids geez its been a long bumpy road. But my children have turned out to be lovely even with all the crap life has thrown at them.
I dont actually feel smug, i feel so proud and honoured to have such lovely little people in my life. (even tho the 3 teenagers are now talled than me lmao.)

Yabu. I think having disgusting table manners is a wonderful asset! I am teaching my dc to behave in exactly the same way as this woman and her children.

I absolutely agree about table manners being important, and it surprises me when ds has friends over who can't use a knife and fork (couldn't give a stuff about HKLP though, that's just petty).

But OP you do come across as being quite dainty with your talk of bottom burps and number twos

YANBU. We attended a professional dinner a few months ago full of potential employers and the table manners on our table (students) made me cringe. Aside from the usual cutlery/open mouth mishaps the two things that stood out were all of us waiting for everyone to be served and one guy not noticing and starting (no problem really) but when he did notice and asked why we hadn't started said "Fuck that for a laugh!" in a really loud voice and carried on eating.

The second was the waitress asking if we wanted more wine (inclusive wine had been drunk), one guy said yes and she asked whether it was going on our tab, assuming we were part of a company. He got a horrible semi-crafty grin on his face and said yes. Then the poor woman came back, having realised her mistake and tried to get him to pay for the wine, at which point he said he didn't have any money on him and tried to get other students to put their card as the guarantee for a tab. All of this was conducted very loudly and every time I looked up there was someone from one of the companies watching us. When I was a child my parents were very strict on table manners but, now I'm in the real world, I am so grateful they were.

I am right handed but can't eat with my fork in my left hand, my dh is similarly afflicted. Honestly, I just can't manage with my knife in my left hand . Dd is left handed so we must be latent lefties perhaps?

mamasin I dont think handedness matters at all well it shouldn't, although I am old enough to have attended a school where left handed people were made to eat right handed... not on IMO

DS is left handed but eats beautifully most of the time. B/F I have had to ..... gently nudge him towards better table manners. He used to be terrible and thought it ok to just rip food up with his fingers

Poor kid, her mother sounds like a nightmare. Most people would be mortified if they bottom burped in company. But despite that rather unpleasant trait, why isn't she telling her child not to call her a fat cow? Is the child hearing someone else hurl insults at her mum?

I have no idea about their homelife, to be honest I try to just be polite. Have decided i will have the little girl over for tea and play dates etc simply because she is my DDs friend.

DD did say tonight at tea time that most of the kids in her class have bad table manners.

When her friend is around I will just kindly explain that at our dinner table we eat with our mouths closed and we dont talk with food in our mouths. If she comes into our home she has to behave how my children behave and if she doesnt like it she can starve lmao.
I have to still break the news to my OH who will be mortified that I will allow her to come for tea.

LMAO and I am not dainty...

definitely true about new-builds not giving sufficient space for tables. We looked at several where both the kitchen and dining area were insufficient for proper family living (ie 4 at the most round a table -can't even have GP round, and kitchen too small to have kids in while you prep). The developers just didn't get it when we said that was why we weren't buying.

Official etiquette used to dictate that you should start eating as soon as you had been served, not wait for others to be served. I take part in historical re enactments and that is certainly how we do things in our group, especially at formal meals. It did unfortunately have to do with knowing your place - people were served in order of descending social rank and why should you expect your superiors to wait for you?! Nowadays Debretts says you should wait for others if being served a plated meal. If it is on dishes and you help yourselves you should serve others before yourself so presumably each diner ends up sharing out an item of food until there are no more plates. They also warn against eating too fast, making noises and.....being judgemental of others' table manners. Miss Debrett says "remind yourself that an over-punctilious insistence on the niceties of table performance is probably a sign of entrenched snobbery or social discomfort". But she is talking about catbum facing at using the wrong spoon or calling your napkin a serviette, not farting, slurping and chewing like a washing machine going round! Those were equally forbidden historically. I have a fab book for children from the 17th century about behaviour that warns against them. Blimey I really need a research project to get stuck into.

oh just got back to this and my original comment about becoming demonised at holding knife and fork as a pen.

my ds is left handed but he will eat with his knife and fork in the correct hands. It is just the way i put the cutlery in his hands from a young age.

Do you know who the worst offenders for pen like holding cutlery? Loads and loads of people on come dine with me. There will be at least one on every single programme. And it just makes me cringe so much becaused they think it looks dainty, well it bloody does'nt it is uncouth, 'smacks of illbreeding, common as muck, dog shite etiquette.

See I told you I become demonised. And I am so laid back about most other things. I dont mind scruffy kids', untidy houses and all that jazz, but table manners oh don't get me started