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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

would you take great offence at this?

51 replies

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 14/02/2012 00:54

You're out with a friend and your 2 DDs, who are friends. Your DD gets upset that your friend's DD has said something unpleasant to her. You give her a quick cuddle and say to go and play nicely, not wanting to make a huge deal out of it as kids are kids. Your friend then decides that actually, your daughter is lying and starts having a go at your daughter, asking why she's making all this stuff up and calling her a liar. Friend's daughter then confesses she did actually say those things. You tell your friend she has been out of order and you're upset about how she has spoken to your daughter and that she automatically has assumed your daughter is lying. Your daughter has no other previous form for lying or being dishonest. Your friend then says you are being over-sensitive and that kids do lie and that she was in the right to assume her child was innocent as you are meant to "defend your own". She also says you need to take a long, hard look at your daughter as surely she must lie sometimes and can't always tell the truth, because "she's a child".

OP posts:
HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 14/02/2012 00:55

p.s. said friend is now dumped by me!

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LeBOF · 14/02/2012 00:56

I would wonder why I was socialising with a fourteen year old.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 14/02/2012 00:58

Yes I did wonder that. She also started lecturing me on how it really wasn't a big deal and I was making it into something it wasn't because I was getting angry. Angry is an understatement. She's always been a bit pushy and abrupt but I've put up with it but have totally had enough of her now.

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SwedishEdith · 14/02/2012 00:58

Be grateful you've been dumped

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 14/02/2012 00:59

No I've dumped her, Swedish!! Grin

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AgnesBligg · 14/02/2012 01:00

yes. I would be actually properly pissed off. I would be unhappy with any of my friends 'having a go' at my child anyway. Ok aunties are allowed a bit, as long as it's done with affection more than grown up anger.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 14/02/2012 01:01

It was a real telling off done with venom. I was gobsmacked. She's done things before in the past that I've felt a bit Hmm about but this is the final straw for me.

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MayaAngelCool · 14/02/2012 01:03

She's a histrionic control freak. You are well shot of her.

AgnesBligg · 14/02/2012 01:04

oh dumped i see, yes quite right.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 14/02/2012 01:04

Only problem is our DDs are best friends...

I'll say hello to her when I see her and be icily polite but this is the end of our friendship so to speak

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HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 14/02/2012 01:05

I ended up having a real go at her and she did apologise and cried a bit, but she kept trying to make out I was the bad one by talking about something in the past ie 5 minutes ago. She has always felt she is entitled to say what she likes but gets offended if anyone else speaks their mind back.

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TheCraicDealer · 14/02/2012 01:18

Did anyone see the end of coppers tonight? Might seem off-topic, but the officers were complaining about this, pretty much. She's doing her DD no favours by jumping automatically to her defence just because she happened to once inhabit her womb

laptopwieldingharpy · 14/02/2012 01:25

signed sealed delivered. Well done!

How old are the girls?

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 14/02/2012 01:28

They're 7, laptop

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HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 14/02/2012 01:29

She kept saying "I can't believe you want to fall out over the children". I said "I don't want to fall out over the children, I want to fall out because of YOU"

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manicinsomniac · 14/02/2012 01:34

wow, I wouldn't fall out permanently over a little thing like that!! I'd be pissed off with her and we'd have an argument but it wouldn't be the end of the friendship ffs!

laptopwieldingharpy · 14/02/2012 01:35

7 is a tough age, they can reason!
You think your DD has already forgotten or might resent you for cutting off/cooling off ties?

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 14/02/2012 01:38

Its nothing to do with the DCs really, it's more how she spoke to my DD and her attitude when I tackled her about it. It's not the only thing she's done, she'd done lots of other things before that I've let go, it's the final straw for me. Things like nasty comments, being "brutally" honest but not liking the same in return, being a total attention seeker and acting like a spoilt child when she can't have her own way, so many things I could write a book.

DD thanked me for standing up for her and for believing her.

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laptopwieldingharpy · 14/02/2012 01:46

All good then

googietheegg · 14/02/2012 01:47

It will be a very positive lesson for your DD, both seeing you stand up for her and yourself.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 14/02/2012 01:49

I hope so, that's what I keep telling myself. I just couldn't sit there and let her be spoken to like that and accused of something she didn't do.

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perfumedlife · 14/02/2012 01:49

Hex I would have, I have, done the same thing and dumped her sorry ass.

It's not about the kids, it's her total disregard for others' feelings. As you say, she can dish it out by being brutally honest but not so good at taking it in return. I had a friend who loved to tell us she wasn't being funny but and then was ott rude, as though her brief disclaimer absolved her.

Fuck that.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 14/02/2012 01:52

perfumedlife Yes! That is her totally "I'm not being funny but...". Or "I'll be honest with you...". I know that if I spoke to her daughter badly she would go absolutely ballistic at me.

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HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 14/02/2012 01:52

She also says "Now don't get me wrong, I think you're a good mother but..." and tries to tell me things that I'm doing wrong when parenting my DCs.

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GoingForGoalWeight · 14/02/2012 01:57

Is it at all possible your ex friend has covered up things your DD has done in the past? You do sound a bit petty OP and judgy of yur friend's personality. You aint perfect either! I bet it wasn't that bad jeeez