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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that you never get over your first love?

50 replies

somedayma · 13/02/2012 22:52

I'm sad. We broke up almost 2 years ago for no specific reason, remained friends (took a while to get there) but now that he's happy with someone else...my heart is broken

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 13/02/2012 22:53

Once you meet someone else, you will find that you do easily get over him..

Original poster
somedayma · 13/02/2012 22:54

I really hope that's true :)

OP posts:
Kayano · 13/02/2012 22:54

YABU

First love is overrated.

squeakytoy · 13/02/2012 22:56

Trust me, it is true. Now stop pining for him, and get out there ready to meet the next love of your life!! Grin

I think everyone remembers their first love.. but you do get over them.

WorraLiberty · 13/02/2012 22:56

You'll always remember your first love, but you certainly do get over them.

Pandygirl · 13/02/2012 22:58

Yep, you will just give yourself time.

startail · 13/02/2012 22:59

I'm still married to mine, but he still has a soft spot for his.

Original poster
somedayma · 13/02/2012 22:59

I know I'm being a silly emo heh. Thanks for the reassuring words. WHERE'S MY MAN HUH?

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 13/02/2012 22:59

Uh, mine was instantly forgettable Hmm

Original poster
somedayma · 13/02/2012 23:00

startail does that not drive you mad?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 13/02/2012 23:00

Anyway my first love was Leif Garrett Blush

nailak · 13/02/2012 23:00

Yabu

iceandsliceplease · 13/02/2012 23:01

You might do get over them, but they keep a special place in your mind. My first love is now happily married to someone else, I'm very much in love with DP, but I'm still in touch with him, even though we live on different continents, and haven't seen one another for over ten years.

When you meet the next love, you'll see all of the things that made you & your first love so incompatible Wink

Shakey1500 · 13/02/2012 23:01

YABU, I struggle to remember his name Grin

2rebecca · 13/02/2012 23:19

I got over mine very rapidly. I ditched him for someone else though, I think the first time i was dumped took longer, but only a year or so. 2 years sounds like you see too much of him and haven't found someone else yet. I think how long you were with your first love plays a part too, and how you define first love.

flyingspaghettimonster · 13/02/2012 23:21

I honestly remember next to nothing of the 3 years I spent with my first proper boyfriend... whatever vague memories there are tend to blur into dh and I'll say 'remember when we went to see independence day?' And he'll reply 'tgat wasn't me...' oops (in my defense, hubby was my next boyfriend and we were 17 so it is hard to recall a time when it wasn't dh).

On the other hand, does anyone ever get over unrequited love? I still dream of the boy I sat next to for 5 years in English... monthly at least! Even knowing he has prematurely baldened and spends his free time rambling in an anorak (thanks Facebook) hasn't stopped my nocturnal longings for the gawky teenaged son of the vicar that he was then...

FreudianSlipper · 13/02/2012 23:26

be friend when you can be share his happiness

you are not there yet and all you are doing is hurting yourself by being friends step away for a while

and yes you do get over them :o and fall in love again (the sex will be better too)

2rebecca · 13/02/2012 23:28

Agree I do think occasionally of the boys I fancied for ages at school and got nowhere with. Looking back now though we had very little in common, and I suspect unrequited love helped my exam results and reduced my chance of ending up as a teenage pregnancy statistic.

bringmesunshine2009 · 13/02/2012 23:30

Given when I read the thread title I thought "hmmm who was my first love?" I'm gonna say no.

issey6cats · 13/02/2012 23:31

yes you get over them but most people remember their first love, mine was a 6 ft 4 skinhead, he was 23 and i was 16, and i adored him, i would love to meet him now cos im 55 and he would be 63

DamonSalvatoreIsMyLoveSlave · 13/02/2012 23:35

I cringe when I think of my first love!

GrimmaTheNome · 13/02/2012 23:35

YABU ... but I do remember that feeling, being utterly gutted when he went out with and then got engaged to someone else. You will get over him.

Original poster
somedayma · 13/02/2012 23:35

I think I'm so sad because i know i didn't make enough effort, took him for granted, and can't stop thinking 'what if...'. I learned a lot from him, but wish that my learning to be a decent gf and learning to love someone other than myself hadn't cost me...US

OP posts:
PastGrace · 13/02/2012 23:38

There's a bit in Desperate Housewives where Bree and her son Andrew are fighting, and she says "The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference." It took me a long time to realise that, but she's right.

My first love wasn't a very nice boy (I still can't leave my house without eyeliner and mascara because he told me I have small eyes) and for a long time after I broke up with him I was angry because I felt like I had wasted my time. Now I'm totally neutral about it - if I bump into him I say hi, otherwise I don't really ever think of him.

Mumof1plustwins · 13/02/2012 23:43

Depends what you mean by 'get over'..
If I saw my 'first love' I'd spit on him although maybe I am confusing my first shag with the term first love ? Confused I thought I loved him but it was just a horrendous crush Sad
Now my 2nd shag love - now that I will never 'get over' - its my DH Grin