Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect my 9yo to act his age?

49 replies

mumnotmachine · 13/02/2012 20:26

I'm at the end of my tether with the tears and tantrums.
Hes 9.5 and acts like a two year old most of the time.
If he's playing something and can't go first he cries.
If he loses a game he cries.
He getting to the stage where he's going to be slaughtered in school if he carries on the way he is.
He's been the target of some of the bigger boys for a couple of years now, not actual physical bullying but digs and jibes.

Hes very immature mentally and emotionally.

I dont know what to do with him any more, Im so stressed out with it all.

He irritates people no end with his stupid noises , gets in peoples faces, and doesnt seem to know when to sutop annoying people..

But he can also be the most loving, sweet and angelic child on the planet

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 13/02/2012 20:31

Have his teachers not expressed any concerns?

dottygirl1 · 13/02/2012 20:31

Ah I feel sad for you. Have an almost 10 year old son too. Has his school ever mentioned that they have concerns??

IndigoBell · 13/02/2012 20:32

Sounds exactly like he has Aspergers or one of the related conditions.

Original poster
mumnotmachine · 13/02/2012 20:34

No, I enquired a couple of years ago about possible ASD traits, but was told no.
Teacher expressed the immaturity at last parents evening but said hes not the only immature one, and he will grow out of it.
But how long am I meant to wait for him to mature?
Hes yr5 now, a year Sept he will be in comp, and if he hasnt changed much his life is going to be absolute hell

OP posts:
IndigoBell · 13/02/2012 20:38

Who did you enquire to? Only a child development paedetrician could answer your question..... (And not after seeing him once for 5 mins :) )

dottygirl1 · 13/02/2012 20:39

I always think a mother knows best. If you feel that there may be a underlying issue or concern then I would seek a referal.

Original poster
mumnotmachine · 13/02/2012 20:42

I asked his teacher at the time who is a SEN teacher.

I think my problem is, deep down I dont want to admit that he may have a problem. I dont want him labelled

OP posts:
IndigoBell · 13/02/2012 20:44

A teacher, whether or not they are a SEN teacher, cannot answer your question.

Everyone gets labelled. Do you want him labelled as immature, noisy, a nuisance or naughty?

Or would you rather he got a label which helped you and school to help him?

Original poster
mumnotmachine · 13/02/2012 20:46

I know what you are saying Indigo, and know you are right.

I just feel Ive failed him

OP posts:
dottygirl1 · 13/02/2012 20:48

If you dont want to admit that he may have a problem then he wont get any help that he may need.

My DS was diagnosed as ADHD. Most people are very shocked if they find out that this is the case. He is a quiet boy and shows no hyperactive tendancies. However has major attention problems. As a result of this "labelling" he gets great support and additional help at school.

ReallyTired · 13/02/2012 20:48

He founds exactly like my ten year old. What is worrying is that my son's teachers think he is mature. I dread to think what the other year 5s are like!

MyCatHasStaff · 13/02/2012 20:48

I work in Y6 (TA not teacher). You would be surprised how many children are as you describe when they come into Y6 in September. They grow up alot in that first term, and by Easter most (but not all) have changed and matured considerably. Having said all that, as dottygirl says, I too firmly believe a mother usually knows best.

IndigoBell · 13/02/2012 20:50

He's 9. He's in Y5. You haven't failed him - yet.

If you wait till he's 12 and in Y8 it will be far, far, far harder to get him the support he needs.

It is a big step from primary school to secondary school. Many kids who survived just in primary, fail miserably once they make it to secondary.

All you need to do now is make a list of his problems, make an appointment with your GP and ask for a referral to a child development paedetrician as you want him assessed for Aspergers.

My DS was diagnosed in Y4. Now by Y6 he's absolutely fine. He wouldn't have been if I hadn't got him a dx.

squeakytoy · 13/02/2012 20:53

YABU.. a child being "labelled" when there is no special need is very different to a child being diagnosed with a special need.

You are not doing your son, or yourself, any favours by denying him the available help that he may need.

Original poster
mumnotmachine · 13/02/2012 20:54

I hear you Indigo.

Hes such a clever kid on so many levels, his maths, reading, writing and spelling is fantastic.
Its just the emotional/maturity aspect.
I will get it sorted
Thankyou

OP posts:
dandelionss · 13/02/2012 20:59

Well I think teh silly noises and being annoying is totally normal for this age! My 16yo still sometimes does it
How are you treating the crying when he doesn't get his way? that could be just he is a bit spoiled?

IndigoBell · 13/02/2012 21:00

:)

Yes, Aspergers is about emotional and social stuff.

Frequently kids with Aspergers are very clever like my son

(Although writing is often not as good)

He might not have Aspegers. That would be great! But you need to find out.

Feel free to message me if you want to ask anything else :)

mrsjay · 13/02/2012 21:02

I know a few children wish ASD and they dont all cry if they dont get to win or go first , are you sure he just isnt over sensitve and like his own way , Maybe he got to go first as a little boy and hasnt grown out of it ?

dottygirl1 · 13/02/2012 21:03

Also just want to add that my SIL had her DS assessed. His behaviour was very similar to your sons. The outcome was that he had problems with controlling emotions. So he was giving help in these areas mainly through counselling. At 13 he is a changed kid. Referring him doesnt necessarily mean he is going to get "labelled"

Good luck!!

mrsjay · 13/02/2012 21:07

I have to agree with Dotty girl though dont go looking for labels but do try and get help for your son ,

chipmunksex · 13/02/2012 21:09

FWIW he sounds like a lot of nine year olds and I've got a nine year old.

IndigoBell · 13/02/2012 21:11

If you don't go 'looking for labels' you won't even get near a paed, and so you won't be able to get a dx.

A paed isn't going to care what the mum thinks the problem is. They're going to do their own assessment (with the help of others - over a period of at least 6 months) and make their own mind up.

It could equally be dyspraxia not Aspergers, or another related condition. But if you into the GP without being very firm that you want to see the paed and why - you're very unlikely to see the paed.

IndigoBell · 13/02/2012 21:12

he sounds like a lot of nine year olds - a lot of 9 year olds have undiagnosed SN.

Many people have dyspraxia, ASD, ADHD etc. Most of them don't have a dx. Some of them survive fine without a dx. Some of them don't.

moosemama · 13/02/2012 21:13

I have a 9.5 year old ds, currently in year 5. We were told for years that he was just a little 'emotionally immature', but we knew deep down there was more to it.

He was diagnosed with aspergers in January last year and since then has gone from strength to strength after finally having the extra support he needs put in place at school. He is currently in the process of being assessed by the LEA for a Statement of Special Educational Needs which will ensure that he continues to have the necessary level of support when he moves to secondary in September 2013. It also makes it easier for us to identify the best secondary to suit his particular needs and for that school to be named on his Statement, which then means the school has to take him.

I would second Indigo. Its definitely worth booking an appointment with your GP, taking along a list of your concerns and asking for him to be referred.

It could well be that he is just a little 'young' for his age, but whether or not he does have something like AS, its better to know now, than to leave it and find out when/if he is unable to cope once he hits secondary school.

If you would like more support, please come and post in MNSNs as there are a lot of very knowledgeable, helpful and supportive people on hand in there to answer any questions or worries you may have.

3monkeys · 13/02/2012 21:13

He sounds very like my DS1 who is now in year 7. I have suspected he had asperger's for years. However in the first year of secondary, he has completely changed. There has been no bullying and he has some good mates for the first time ever. It may well just be that he's taking longer to mature than some of the others:)

Swipe left for the next trending thread