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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

A job I love but lack of child care

40 replies

Jade2102 · 09/02/2012 16:44

Hi there, I'm new to all this so please excuse the rookie post!

I'll start with a bit about me and my situation.

I am a single mum to my 4 year old son we've been on our own since he was 2, he has no contact with his father. last year I achieved my degree in agriculture and have since set up a good business milking cows on a relief basis. Some of you may be aware but this entails a start of 3.30am so when I'm working my son has been staying with my nan overnight. I thought this worked out quite well as my son is at school full time so it is just a case of getting him ready dropping him off and picking him up again. Well today my nan has said she no longer wants to have my son because it is too much for her, which is fair enough, I just don't know what has changed.

I love my job and feel like its the only thing I've ever been half good at, it provides a good wage of which I pay my nan to cover food and petrol for my son to eat and get him to school. Now I'm faced with having to give up my job and go on benefits because I have no one else willing to have my son overnight. :(

I really don't know what to do... Help!!

OP posts:

OriginalJamie · 09/02/2012 19:01

Am imagining some kindly middle-aged woman who used to be a nurse and is used to night shifts ....

OriginalJamie · 09/02/2012 19:02

I am kindly middle aged woman

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 09/02/2012 19:04

I've worked damned hard to get where I am and now the rugs been pulled from underneath me.

Well don't let it go! Au Pair sounds like a brilliant idea. Your son can move into your room, the Au Pair can use his and as your business grows you can move to a bigger place where there'll be room for your son to have his own room again (or, even better, run the business from home and employ someone else to do the early mornings!!!)

Alternatively, does your nan live alone? Is she quite sociable? Maybe the au pair could live there, do the school run and help your nan with household tasks during the day?

mojitomania · 09/02/2012 19:10

OP everyone has given you alternatives.

The bottom line is do what others have proposed or change your job. It's a tough one but many of us have had to do it. I had a fab job before conceiving my DS. He came first and for the last 12 years I have had to do the most boring job in the universe and I'm happy to do it because my child comes first. DS is 14 now and I'm starting to contemplate retraining and getting back on that ladder.

ssd · 09/02/2012 19:10

no!!! the nan wants a rest, not having an au pair living with her

op, you aren't being fair, taking on this job and expecting your nan to have your son most nights, did you really think she'd go on doing this for as long as you wanted her to?

now you have to take responsibility and arrange your own paid childcare, or arrange another job that suits you and your son better, like most people have to do

PaulaMummyKnowsBest · 09/02/2012 20:48

advertise on gumtree for a flexible overnight (sleeping) babysitter or find a childminder that does overnights

Original poster

Jade2102 · 09/02/2012 20:57

Whoa hold on a minute! Firstly thanks for all ur advice and it is something I will seriously look into I realise I'm not alone I'm not completely ignorant to the whole world. Its just a very big step for me to take from having child care from someone who has been a part of my life since I was born to handing over to someone who I don't know yet!

Not a benefits rant either as for many of my friends they have no choice but to claim. What I'm saying is I don't need or want to claim benefits if I can possibly avoid doing so.

There are ways round it and I will make it work for the sake of my own sanity and the well being of my son. I just don't trust easy as my ex (ds father) and I parted in horrific terms and I just don't want to bring any further upset into my sons life.

Thanks again and sorry if I've caused offence in anyway, all ur advice is much appreciated! Xx

OP posts:

Original poster

Jade2102 · 09/02/2012 21:00

AIBU? Enlighten me?

OP posts:

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 09/02/2012 21:02

I meant if it would help the nan ssk!

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 09/02/2012 21:29

AIBU = am I being unreasonable?

BIWI · 09/02/2012 22:03

I don't think you've caused any offence, just a lot of us were a bit exasperated by your apparent refusal to take the advice/suggestions offered!

Original poster

Jade2102 · 09/02/2012 22:41

I wasn't refusing advice just asking for a bit of empathy for my situation. Thanks

OP posts:

springydaffs · 09/02/2012 23:15

Haven't you heard of the Mumsnet Jury, Jade? Jury, barristers, judge, court staff. Mumsnetters take all requests for a resolution Very Seriously Indeed.

tigerlillyd02 · 10/02/2012 02:31

I feel for you. It can be difficult to find ways when you don't work normal hours. I'm glad you're going to give it your best shot at finding appropriate childcare though - good luck!

callmemrs · 10/02/2012 07:36

Where is your business based op? IME mumsnetters are a helpful bunch and people will probably post specific advice or links about overnight childcare in your area. Having said that, I also think there is loads of mileage in trying the idea of a local student who may be going into nursing, or childcare; or an older woman who maybe used to be in that line of work. Or are there any childminders at your sons school who would do it? Could be a nice little earner for someone who childminds during the day, because your sons care would dovetail neatly with that- you could drop him over at bedtime, he could sleep there and she can get him off to school as she's already doing the same school run?

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