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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A job I love but lack of child care

40 replies

Jade2102 · 09/02/2012 16:44

Hi there, I'm new to all this so please excuse the rookie post!

I'll start with a bit about me and my situation.

I am a single mum to my 4 year old son we've been on our own since he was 2, he has no contact with his father. last year I achieved my degree in agriculture and have since set up a good business milking cows on a relief basis. Some of you may be aware but this entails a start of 3.30am so when I'm working my son has been staying with my nan overnight. I thought this worked out quite well as my son is at school full time so it is just a case of getting him ready dropping him off and picking him up again. Well today my nan has said she no longer wants to have my son because it is too much for her, which is fair enough, I just don't know what has changed.

I love my job and feel like its the only thing I've ever been half good at, it provides a good wage of which I pay my nan to cover food and petrol for my son to eat and get him to school. Now I'm faced with having to give up my job and go on benefits because I have no one else willing to have my son overnight. :(

I really don't know what to do... Help!!

OP posts:
aldiwhore · 09/02/2012 16:52

Well I don't think your nan is BU.

Do you know any childminders who would be prepared to do overnights? Is it a regular thing? (I'm guessing its as and when with no set days??)

I really don't know what to advise, but if you're good at this, and love the whole agricultural setting, and have contacts on various farms, is it worth seeing if they need help at other times? Do you know any single full time farmers, ask them how the deal with it? Or even approach some of the farms you have good relations with to see if they could put your child up (a stretch that one!)?

I really don't know but its a horrid situation.

I kind of feel for your nan too, getting a child up, fed and out to school is quite stressful especially if you're getting on a bit and have been looking forward to lie ins for 40 odd years. x

scurryfunge · 09/02/2012 16:57

How about an au pair if you only need someone to get him up, drop him off and pick him up? I worked shifts and it was a good arrangement.

callmemrs · 09/02/2012 17:01

I believe there are some nanny/ childcare providers who do overnight care, but they would be a bit more Pricey than paying for petrol and food money.

It seems as though you set up this particular business on the basis that you could get cheap overnight care from your nan. I respect your drive and determination in setting up your business but it seems you have limited yourself somewhat by assuming that your nan would provide care.

Can you take your skills in a slightly different direction so that you are utilising the skills you acquired but in a way which enables you to use a regular childminder?

callmemrs · 09/02/2012 17:03

X posts there . Au pair . Ideal solution as they are relatively cheap, and the hours would work well for an au pair as it would literally be sleeping in the house and then getting your son up and off to school.

RitaMorgan · 09/02/2012 17:05

If you have a spare room (or could have your son share your room) then get an au pair - if it is only a few hours you need then maybe you could just offer a free room in exchange for this bit of babysitting rather than employing an au pair to do 25 hours work a week.

GreenPetal94 · 09/02/2012 17:10

I use an oversees student, if the job was mainly to sleep at yours you maybe wouldn't have to pay too much for when they can do their own thing / sleep. I advertised with the University employment service.

Whatmeworry · 09/02/2012 17:13

Get an au pair

Original poster
Jade2102 · 09/02/2012 17:31

I live in a 2 bedroomed house and don't have the funds to move somewhere bigger and tbh I don't think I would trust a stranger living in my house and caring for my son! I just feel like I've worked damned hard to get where I am and now the rugs been pulled from underneath me. It wouldn't b possible to change my hours as they are what they are. Mayb time for a career change? I'm going to b letting a lot of people down most importantly my son because without working I can't provide all the things he has been getting.

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 09/02/2012 17:57

Have your son share your room and the au pair can have the spare. Unless you can magic up other non-strangers it would be the sensible solution. Once you start earning more you find somewhere bigger. Plenty of people use au pairs and they are not strangers for long! Depends on how serious you are about making a go of your business.

callmemrs · 09/02/2012 17:57

'i wouldnt trust a stranger caring for my son'

  • hmm.. I don't think anyone is suggesting plucking a random stranger off the street and inviting them to care for him!

Tbh, any form of regulated childcare is likely to be provided by someone who you won't know when you first contact them. My childminder was a stranger when I found her name on the list held by the local authority. She wasnt a stranger by the time I had had endless cups of coffee with her, invited her to my house, visited with my baby, left the baby for increasing amounts of time...

The fact is, if you want any sort of work life then you need to accept the reality of organising childcare. You have been fortunate in having a willing relative til now, but you can't blame her for wanting to stop now, it's a big commitment and getting a youngster up for school in the morning is not something I would relish in my retirement.

JuliaScurr · 09/02/2012 18:01

Another au pair vote

Whatmeworry · 09/02/2012 18:08

I live in a 2 bedroomed house and don't have the funds to move somewhere bigger and tbh I don't think I would trust a stranger living in my house and caring for my son!

The stranger becomes a friend quite soon.

IMO if you don't go for this option you wind up with either guilt-tripping your mother, giving up, or finding a SAHP pronto. None of those seem as attractive IMO.

Moomoomie · 09/02/2012 18:10

It sounds very much like you don't want to listen to peoples advice.
No one is telling you to use a stranger to care for your child, but to use " paid" child care , which the majority of working families need to use.
There are many options out there worth considering, but I feel you would not listen.

OriginalJamie · 09/02/2012 18:14

I can see that you've had a really good arrangement and it's hard to let go of that and accept change, but an au au pair is worth a try, surely?

LilacWaltz · 09/02/2012 18:15

Family living nearby with teens who could 'sleep in'?
Childcare college nearby? Uni? Someone may need a room?

You are only going to get help this way

I sympathise, I'm a lp with 5 dc. I know it's hard.

Campervan? Take him with you asleep in the van? Clutching at straws now I realise!

OriginalJamie · 09/02/2012 18:18

This would suits someone very well, I think. You might find someone who is doing a childcare course

BIWI · 09/02/2012 18:20

"Now I'm faced with having to give up my job and go on benefits because I have no one else willing to have my son overnight."

This wouldn't be another benefit bashing thread in disguise, would it? Hmm

You have been given some good suggestions here, yet you have dismissed them.

How do you think the rest of us manage(d) if we didn't have willing family nearby to help out? We employed au pairs/nannies/mothers' helps! Of course they will be strangers to start with!

rubyslippers · 09/02/2012 18:21

Agree with au pair

Would absolutely work for you

You can interview them and check references etc well before they start

LynetteScavo · 09/02/2012 18:36

I've noticed if people rally want childcare they manage to find it.

I was offered a job and had no childcare for 3 DC. It wasn't easy, but I did manage to find child care for all three of them.

I used to work with a single mother of 2DC. She lived in a 2 bed house, and worked very long hours. She shared a bedroom with her 2 DC and her au pair had their own room. If you want to work you will find a way.

callmemrs · 09/02/2012 18:47

Agree lynette. To put it bluntly, People have varying levels of how far they are prepared to put the work in to make something happen.

There is a thread on here at the moment from someone saying AIBU for not wanting to work for £100 a week after childcare. '
And dozens of responses from women who are amazed that they are even asking , because they have worked for NO financial gain for the sake of maintaining their career.

If you are really serious about your business, you'll get an au pair or other childcare. Like others have said, your business, if you are good at it, will take off and you can move to a bigger house etc later on. If you are going to chuck it in the moment your nan stops providing very cheap childcare then I would question how committed to your business you are.

OriginalJamie · 09/02/2012 18:49

Aaaw go easy, I don't think it's about commitment to business, it's about a first child and having had an almost "ideal" situation in term of childcare, and therefore not being able to imagine any other way

callmemrs · 09/02/2012 18:54

Not being unkind, all due respect to her for setting up a business, but it's just part of the deal. If you work, you need childcare.

MitchieInge · 09/02/2012 18:54

I used to have someone from a nursing agency, British nursing agency I think, come in at middle of the night o'clock when I had to catch an early train. Those sorts of people love working weird shifts.

MitchieInge · 09/02/2012 18:58

link, hopefully

I don't know of any other 24 hr as and when child care providers but there's probably more now

mollymole · 09/02/2012 19:00

2nd what everyone else says - get an au pair, offer room to uni student in exhange for child care - there are ways around this but you do not seem to want to take them.