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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder at this child-rearing advice?

75 replies

MissusTulip · 09/02/2012 14:17

Ds is 15 weeks old and a bit of a handful - he has reflux which was pretty bad til he started on ranitidine at 8 weeks and which is settling as he gets bigger. As a result of the reflux, he's a bit of a velcro baby (couldn't sleep flat due to pain / vomming so DH / I had to hold him upright to sleep at night, now sleeps in his cot). He doesn't sleep much during the day (again needs held for naps, not managed to change this yet) and does seem to struggle when awake if I dare to put him down eg on his baby gym. Again this is changing as he gets bigger and more interested in the world around him.

I had pretty bad SPD/PGP when pregnant and saw a women's health physio. I'm still seeing her - pelvic pain gone but back is now duff. I had an appointment today and was kind-of dreading it as DS hasn't been sleeping well over past week, so I've been slack about doing my exercises. When I admitted this , she (yet again) launched into her child-rearing advice. Last time, it was a bit of a rant about women who breastfeed lying down / co-sleeping / babies being in the same room as mum and dad...

Today's gem was - 'have you got a pram so you could put him out in the garden for a couple of hours a day? My children loved this when they were babies' and so on. I just sort of looked at her and muttered that it was a bit cold really to think about doing this at the mo!

Am I being a bit pfb or did this sort of thing go out of style in the 1950s? The physio is at most in her early 50s...

OP posts:

mrsred · 09/02/2012 18:41

Think advice probably not welcomed by you as you didn't ask for it, i had physio appointments with physiowho felt it necessary to extrnd her brief into child rearing too! I think i'd feel a bit worried about leaving DS outside on his own, and not just because its so cold its snowing!
Think you should trust your instincts, this phase will pass, baby will get stronger and in a few months time what you worry about now you'll hardly remember(because you'll have other things to worry about)
Hope reflux improves soon, sure daytime naps will begin to get better my ds improved daytime naps around 3 months.

maddening · 09/02/2012 22:35

my mum did with me (pfb) but I don't with ds (my pfb)

he wasn't a reflux baby but one that required holding for naps and the like and recently started co-sleeping (at 10 mths ds is now 1)

My mum and sister also think I should let ds just cio but I just can't especially when I can't explain it him.

What I'm trying to say is there's no right or wrong just what you feel comfortable with so listen to advice but follow what's right for you.

FannyBazaar · 09/02/2012 22:42

I'm on the fence as to whether it's a good thing to do with a baby or not but it's out of order for the physio to be giving child care advice if it is a) not asked for and b) she is not qualified to give it. She is working and this is not what she is paid to do.

BigFatHeffalump · 09/02/2012 22:59

Still common in other countries.

Busyoldfool · 09/02/2012 23:52

My mum did it with us but I didn't with my 2DC's, ( no available space, change in customs, winter babies, no decent pram..).

I often work with Russians and the babies are put outside everyday. (They were both out today, in view, just outside the French windows in leafy Surrey - and both sleeping beautifully!)

FoxyRoxy · 10/02/2012 00:05

I did this with my ds he wouldn't nap any other way. And he's 10, so hardly outdated.

tigerlillyd02 · 10/02/2012 00:37

I've done it. I don't really see the need to put them at the bottom of the garden though - just being in the fresh air is the idea so right outside the back door is fine. DS suffered with reflux until he was off his bottles at 12 months and he slept best when outside.

We all sleep with the windows open here anyway, no matter what the temperature. There's nothing to me than being lovely and warm under the duvet yet breathing in cold, fresh air. That must be how it feels to a baby also.

Wizbangwallop · 10/02/2012 00:54

I've been told that old 'park him outside' chestnut too - problem is my DS wakes up as soon as the pram stops moving! He's a refluxy Velcro baby too, the BabaSling worked really well for me, and now I use the HippyChick HipSeat, it takes all the strain off my neck and shoulders as my waist/hips take his weight instead.
My sis used to leave her DCs to sleep in the garden as they always woke up as soon as they were taken inside. I have a classic shot of her DS3 bundled up in his pram, rain cover half covered in snow. He was still toasty warm when he woke up, so I guess it depends if your DS runs hot or cold!

tigerlillyd02 · 10/02/2012 02:43

sleepywombat · 10/02/2012 03:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nooka · 10/02/2012 05:53

My mother was a total advocate of this approach. We had a huge old Silver Cross pram and she would wrap us up warn and then put the pram under a suitable tree with nicely waving branches to lull us to sleep. I did it a few times with ds and he seemed to enjoy it, but not with dd who was much more of a limpet. Baby advice is rarely based on anything other than the opinions of the gurus of the day - just because an approach is considered outdated now it doesn't mean that it might not become the fad of tomorrow. If your physio is just offering advice as any other mother might then I'd take it in the spirit it was (hopefully) intended. If not I'd look for another physio!

Either way I hope that your ds goes on getting more comfortable as he gets older. Small babies are very stressful IME.

mummytime · 10/02/2012 06:11

This is classic Dr Spock, which always makes me smile when he is accussed of creating the permissive society. The only time he said not to do it was when it was actively snowing, and he lived in North America, so it would have been colder than here.
But I would complain about the Physio and her giving you unwanted advice, which is not medically based.

FrumpyPumpy · 10/02/2012 08:21

I do this, DD has a decent nap in the garden - walk to shops with her in spotty otter suit & cosytoes & raincover, get back and leave her on the patio outside doors to kitchen. Lock gates, leave door open a little. voilà! Cup of tea and mumsnet time!

Is none of physio's business though, nod and smile etc.

FrumpyPumpy · 10/02/2012 08:22

When she woke yesterday her rain cover was under snow but she was lovely and warm. Boo to you dr Spock.

lesley33 · 10/02/2012 08:33

sleepywombat - My 3 rd child was not an easy baby and this worked for him. He screamed constantly for hours on end and nothing worked, until I tried putting him outside. I know it won't work for lots of other difficult sleepers - but honest it did work for mine.

Juule · 10/02/2012 08:45

I put mine outside to nap in all weathers apart from fog (advice from community m/w with my first baby). As long as they are dressed appropriately and kept dry there is no problem whatsoever.

They slept much better outside. And the fresh air is good for them.

hackmum · 10/02/2012 09:00

If sleeping outside in freezing temperatures is OK as long as the baby is wrapped up warm, why don't we all do it? I think this afternoon I'll just get my warm coat on and a blanket and take an afternoon nap in the garden. Fine idea.

ragged · 10/02/2012 09:01

Mine all napped in garden, if they fell asleep in buggy, they woke up too early if taken indoors.
British people spend too much time indoors as it is.

valiumredhead · 10/02/2012 09:29

I'd LOVE to nap outside if I had a lovely cosy bed and was all wrapped up

Gribble · 10/02/2012 09:56

yabu. It works for some babies and not others, but to think its bad advice is very pfb and not very open minded.

DS1 loved being in his buggy outside, think it was the fresh air and sounds of birds / outside in general that was very comforting to him. As long as they are well wrapped up with the hood down to shelter from any breeze its absolutely fine.

OTheHugeManatee · 10/02/2012 10:14

Sooo...OP, you said you were going to give it a try. How did it go?

Original poster

MissusTulip · 10/02/2012 16:58

sorry manatee, haven't tried it yet - lots of snow / DH is at home today so DS getting lots of daddy cuddles (ie I get time to myself)/ had birth afterthoughts visit re traumatic birth - so bit busy... Also, yesterday and today he has decided he likes to sleep on the new breastfeeding pillow I got for me poor back, so haven't quite been going round the twist sat holding a sleeping baby / getting him back over to sleep when he wakes screaming mid-nap and so on.

Yes to all the posters pointing out it was the unsolicited nature of the advice that got on my tits. It's like she is nosily asking about my parenting so she can scold me. If it had been more in keeping with her physio role - eg 'oh you are holding baby like this, so it will affect these joints, so you need to to x/y/z to avoid strain' or somesuch I would have been more than happy! Even if she had been offering it as nice sympathetic advice from a fellow mum, I wouldn't have stomped straight onto AIBU

Last time she was tutting that I had the baby sleeping in our room - she was catsbum mouth about babies not sleeping in their own rooms from birth so that mums could get sleep. Again, I just politely nodded but couldn't resist pointing out it is the current anti-SIDS advice (never mind it's probably better for my sleep than staggering to the nursery, calming a screaming baby, feeding and settling him, staggering back when he wakes himself up flinging his arms out, etc) passive aggressive

I will update when I've tried this - it could go any way, as he sometimes sleeps in his buggy, sometimes lies all chillin' looking around and the rest of the time (eg this morning) screams for the whole walk, so might have to try it a few times...

Also for those posters who seem to be about the bottom of the garden bit - this was kindof what she was suggesting, and hence why I was particularly myself, not a dig at mums with babies happily sleeping on the patio!

OP posts:

nooka · 11/02/2012 06:01

My mother advocated the end of the garden too! To be honest if I were you I'd look around and see if you could find another physio (if that is possible of course) as unsolicited unwanted 'advice' is very irritating, especially if you feel you are not in a position to politely tell her to get lost.

Your last post made me wonder a bit. My ds used to wake himself up by throwing his arms about so we swaddled him, and it really helped. Might this be worth a go (dd hated it, so I know it's not for all babies, but it did really work for ds)

cubbie · 11/02/2012 11:33

just a quick message, don't have time to read pages 2 and 3, sorry. Do you have a Dream Mover?? It's like a big rigid plastic mat you put your pram, car seat, whatever on, and it moves back and fore, just the way you would push a pram back and fore to soothe a baby.

I had one for DS1, and used it for DS2 as well.It was about £80 when the first came out, but I think they are about £40 now. Have a look on ebay? I gave mine back to my Auntie who had bought it for me, she uses them in her nurseries.

It was great, my DC would sleep for ages in it. And if I was taking mine out in very cold weather, I would put a hot water bottle all wrapped up in with them, plus my cashmere blanket (posh, me). They would stay asleep for ages, nice and cosy.

I would only put your DC outside if you were able to see them at all times, I'm sure you wouldn't dream of doing anything else! I was born in 1968, and it was very common for mothers to leave their babies in their prams in tha garden all afternoon!! I remember seeing next door's baby outside, either at the back window, or the open front door , all the time.

I don't think my mum left me, she was very PFB way back then, must ask her!

And my sympathies with the SPD/PGP, DS2 is 3 and a half and I still have it!!!

valiumredhead · 11/02/2012 12:17

I remember that being pitched on Dragon's Den years ago - thought it was a fab idea!

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