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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder at this child-rearing advice?

75 replies

MissusTulip · 09/02/2012 14:17

Ds is 15 weeks old and a bit of a handful - he has reflux which was pretty bad til he started on ranitidine at 8 weeks and which is settling as he gets bigger. As a result of the reflux, he's a bit of a velcro baby (couldn't sleep flat due to pain / vomming so DH / I had to hold him upright to sleep at night, now sleeps in his cot). He doesn't sleep much during the day (again needs held for naps, not managed to change this yet) and does seem to struggle when awake if I dare to put him down eg on his baby gym. Again this is changing as he gets bigger and more interested in the world around him.

I had pretty bad SPD/PGP when pregnant and saw a women's health physio. I'm still seeing her - pelvic pain gone but back is now duff. I had an appointment today and was kind-of dreading it as DS hasn't been sleeping well over past week, so I've been slack about doing my exercises. When I admitted this , she (yet again) launched into her child-rearing advice. Last time, it was a bit of a rant about women who breastfeed lying down / co-sleeping / babies being in the same room as mum and dad...

Today's gem was - 'have you got a pram so you could put him out in the garden for a couple of hours a day? My children loved this when they were babies' and so on. I just sort of looked at her and muttered that it was a bit cold really to think about doing this at the mo!

Am I being a bit pfb or did this sort of thing go out of style in the 1950s? The physio is at most in her early 50s...

OP posts:

TheParanoidAndroid · 09/02/2012 15:26

standard in very many countries, totally normal advice.

valiumredhead · 09/02/2012 15:30

She didn't say dump him at the bottom of the garden though, did she?

It used to be pretty standard here, although I am not sure hours at a time is advisable when it is quite so cold. How is it different from going for a walk? The baby isn't actually walking you are

NadiaWadia · 09/02/2012 15:34

I found out that my DM used to leave me outside in my pram at the FRONT of the house. (garden open to the street). This was in the 60s. Apparently it was the norm and what everyone did.

"Were you hoping somebody would take me?" I asked. She was not amused.

I was reading an Inspector Wexford book set in the 70s where a baby was snatched. Mother had left her in the pram on the open space outside her block of flats. (Mother's flat was several storeys up). No one questioned this.

Or maybe we're all too paranoid nowadays ....

valiumredhead · 09/02/2012 15:35

It was the norm - did you not see Call the Midwife on Sunday nadia?

NadiaWadia · 09/02/2012 15:38

Oh yes I did actually, forgot about that. But obviously babies did get taken, did they not worry about that? Or was the fresh air more important?

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 09/02/2012 15:40

My two are 10 and 12, they were often parked outside for their nap and were perfectly fine (dd had a huge coachbuilt pram, the old dears used to go nuts for it on my mums street ).

Obviously I didn't ignore any screaming....that would be stupid.

lesley33 · 09/02/2012 15:41

Yes it was the norm. And old ladies would stop and talk to the babies if they were awake.

I remember only 40 years go we had a small shopping mall near our house. During the day there woulda lways be prams with babies inside left there while their mums did the shopping. I don't remember anybody ever suggesting in my hearing that this was a bad thing to do.

lesley33 · 09/02/2012 15:43

nadia - no babies didn't get taken. Or only incrediby rarely. I don't remember ever hearing of this happening.

I do remember my mum joking with a friend when she was going through the menopause that now if she wanted a baby she would have to steal one from outside the shopping mall. But nobody actually did.

thefurryone · 09/02/2012 15:43

NadiaWadia all those I hear talking about it used to put the baby in the back garden so probably less chance of snatching. If it was out the front there were probably just more people about who would keep an eye on the baby.

lesley33 · 09/02/2012 15:44

Sorry I wasn't clear. I mean't the prams with babies in them would be outside the shopping mall alone.

Tryharder · 09/02/2012 15:47

I personally wouldn't leave a baby outside in this weather and I couldn't care less if all the dears used to do this in their day or not. Just because something used to be done, doesn't mean it is the best way to do things.

Original poster

MissusTulip · 09/02/2012 15:50

oooh, I'm now going to give it a try - am easily swayed / no decision making capacity due to sleep deprivation! Not today tho as he just fell asleep on the boob and is snoring away cuddled beside me on the feeding pillow...maybe will have to wait til after snow if it comes? Haha, yes, he will be on the patio where I can stare anxiously at my lovely baby keep an eye on him.

cogito I was paraphrasing her description of one of her dc / hymning the wonders of garden foilage for baby entertainment... Not just me being flippant, I was sitting there wondering if I was hallucinating the conversation . I think I was particularly because she always makes me feel like an idiot. If she'd given me a sympathetic pat on the head, I'd have been pathetically grateful and rushed home to try it out!

iggy - was pooing myself about shifting him to cot as he slept so badly in Moses basket, which is propped up. He was about 3 months and too big for MB, so propped up cot it was and badda bing badda boom (stuck watching kitchen boss, nooo, remote control out of reach) - it became apparent he wasnt sleeping cos he couldnt fling his arms out wide. Head of cot about 8 inches off ground if that helps?

ooh, excited now I have an eggsperiment to try, which may allow me to also do a spot of gardening...

OP posts:

NadiaWadia · 09/02/2012 15:51

Well yes I agree Tryharder. I mean the Victorians used to dose the babies with laudanum to make them sleep through. Nowadays they would have been reported to Social Services.

I wonder what child rearing practices of today will be regarded with horror in 40 or 50 years though?

MsCellophane · 09/02/2012 15:54

Wrapped up warm, able to watch things in the garden is a good thing

Fresh air and daylight - the latter being very important

You might be pleasantly surprised

valiumredhead · 09/02/2012 15:54

We don't need Laudanum these days, we have Medised.

NadiaWadia · 09/02/2012 15:59

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 09/02/2012 16:03

Tryharder There is absolutely no difference in babies being pushed through town/ out for a walk in cold weather than a baby being bundled up and sleeping outside, a moving pram does not generate heat.

Sadly many people seem to live an existence of hopping from heated car to heated shopping mall or wherever, the cold isn't anything to be afraid of, just be sensible and wrap up warm.....No wonder cases of rickets are on the rise these days

JustHecate · 09/02/2012 16:05

I used to pop mine into the garden (secure. 6ft fence!) a lot. fresh air and natural light is good for them. I think people stopped doing this because of snatching fears, maybe.

lunaticow · 09/02/2012 16:10

I used to put mine outside to sleep sometimes, even in the rain (with a cover) because I thought the fresh air would do them good.

My first DS was a baby like yours. I found that keeping him in his car seat helped him to sleep and sometimes resorted to putting him in it at night time just so we could all sleep.

valiumredhead · 09/02/2012 16:12

just I think it stopped when central heating became common and people started believing that unless everyone is kept at a constant temperature of at least 21 degrees and never gets the slightest bit chilly, then you will get hyperthermia.

lesley33 · 09/02/2012 16:45

tryharder - If you had a baby that screamed for hours and nothing else worked - then you probably would do this. I had tried everything suggested, but nothing worked. But for some reason being outside always sent him to sleep. Actually worked best if pram was motionless. But listening to him scream for hours indoor was agony

jujujbel · 09/02/2012 17:57

All 3 of mine have slept outdoors everyday as babies (well not when they were brand new!). Now 7,5 and 3, am seeing no I'll effects. Mind this was in enclosed garden and wrapped up according to weather but we are in Scotland. Gave them fresh air and let me clatter about the house!
My mum parked me outside a shop in the 70's, did her shopping and walked home (about a mile) before remembering she'd left the pram outside the shop. She ran back and of course the pram was still there with an old biddy cooing at me.

miaowmix · 09/02/2012 18:00

I did this, and DD is only 5. It's fine (not perhaps on a day like today but generally), fresh air and sunshine are good for you.

perfectstorm · 09/02/2012 18:27

"perfectstorm - I wasn't saying it would work for everyone. Just that it did work for me."

Sorry, I wasn't aiming it at anyone specifically - and if I had a kid without chestiness I'd not be bothered. We're currently confined to the house because DS has a chest infection aged 3 - it's too cold to be out for more than a couple of minutes, for him. Bit of a PITA to be honest, can't wait until it warms up/he outgrows this degree of asthma. (Especially as he has a habit of asthmatic coughing until he vomits.) And actually it would have been fine when he was less than 4 months, because we had a carrycot on a pram designed by Norwegians; the raincover acted like a greenhouse and it was toasty in there! Once he had the seat attachment on, things got more complicated. Was worse when he was 1 than as a newborn, warmth wise.

perfectstorm · 09/02/2012 18:29

"f you had a baby that screamed for hours and nothing else worked - then you probably would do this. I had tried everything suggested, but nothing worked. But for some reason being outside always sent him to sleep. Actually worked best if pram was motionless. But listening to him scream for hours indoor was agony"

And IMO that falls squarely under the heading of "parenting is not what you should do; it's what you can stand". A parent needs to stay sane in order to raise well, and if something as simple as sleeping outdoors, well bundled up, achieves that then you'd be nuts not to do so, I agree.

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