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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy the child my son bit a gift?

45 replies

CoffeeDog · 08/02/2012 16:22

I am mortified that my son would ever do this :(

one if the dt's bit another little boy at nursery today - so badly his parents had to collect him to take him to walk in centre he drew blood - alot of blood... The boys are 3 and there was a disagreement over the shiney sticky things :(
Headmistress had a 'chat' with me when i went to collect him. i dont know the other mum or the little boy well they have only been going a few weeks.

Dt seems very sorry about it and is upset and has said he wants to get his 'friend' a present? Should i take him to get a little car and make a card or just leave it?

OP posts:
WowOoo · 08/02/2012 16:24

It would be a nice gesture, yes.
Was he very very frustrated about something? What had led to that?

scuzy · 08/02/2012 16:27

well if it comes from him and its his idea i think its a nice thing to do. but dont start buying kid's presents every time he bites cos believe me you'll be broke. i had a biter, thankfully grew out of it though he was alot younger and it was mostly teething but felt awful hearing about what he did or seeing the marks on his cousins.

encourage him to make a car and perhaps give up a small car of his own as at his age now he knows he shouldnt bite and it be a lesson. its good that its his idea. he sounds like a loving boy.

Pepa · 08/02/2012 16:28

A little gift and a homemade card can go along way when you are 3....plus the parents will know you are taking it seriously. I think its a good idea.

Original poster
CoffeeDog · 08/02/2012 16:30

he told me in the car that the other little boy kept taking all his shiney squares and he said no but he kept taking them so i bite himShock - other dt was off sick so we had a 20minute ride home together alone today. he has said that next time somone takes his things he will ask the teachers to help him.

He has said that it was naughty and not a kind thing nursey asked him to say sorry etc,, which he has but he is upset as well and asked himself if he could buy his friend a 'present' for being sorry?

OP posts:
southeastastra · 08/02/2012 16:33

i think it's a bit weird to do that, a simple apology would be way more sincere imo

scuzy · 08/02/2012 16:33

ah he sounds like a lovely little boy OP but make him earn the money to buy it or give up a toy himself or something, all in a calm voice, explaining that it has to come from him.

WowOoo · 08/02/2012 16:35

Ah, that's good that he feels guilty and realises.
Tell him that it can only be a small present and the best present would be for him not to bite anyone again.
Ds had a short phase of this. I remember he used to bite me on the arm also. Gently, as if to test me. Strange boy!

scuzy · 08/02/2012 16:36

south perhaps if the parent wanted to do it but its coming from the little lad himself and think its a nice thing to do. i just wouldnt be handing him over the few quid to pick him up something.

MooncupandPizza · 08/02/2012 16:37

I think, as the idea comes from the little boy, it's not a bad idea..but I think I'd encourage him to make a card rather than buy a present, maybe so it really comes from him?

annalovesmrbates · 08/02/2012 16:38

How about your DS making a nice hand made card / picture for the other boy. That's what I got my DS to do after a similar incident. [Blush]

sittinginthesun · 08/02/2012 16:40

I think a home made picture is nice - we have only had one incident with ds2, when he really lashed put at his best friend at nursery, and hurt him. He was so upset, and knew instantly that he was wrong (more upset than his friend in fact). He wanted to do a "sorry picture" and we gave it to him the next day.

Original poster
CoffeeDog · 08/02/2012 16:40

I was just going to nip to tesco with the DT and get a 99p car? we have made a I am sorry i bited you card and he has drawn his own 'artwork' all over it.

OP posts:
sittinginthesun · 08/02/2012 16:40

Xp Anna!

JaneMare · 08/02/2012 16:40

can your DS make the other boy something?

a 'sorry' card or a model?

DD painted a pine-cone in silver paint it did not look like a vibrator and gave it her friend when she pushed her into a puddle Blush

i think the time she spent making it gave her a little 'reflection' time too

southeastastra · 08/02/2012 16:41

lol at 'sorry i bit you' car, wonder if hallmark are watching Grin

seriously say sorry then let it go.

southeastastra · 08/02/2012 16:41

'sorry i bit you' CARD

sittinginthesun · 08/02/2012 16:44

Lol "sorry I bited you". Just think of the future range available - sorry I snatched your yo yo; sorry I pushed you over because I wanted to be first in the dinner queue...etc

MurmuringClothDoll · 08/02/2012 16:49

SouthEast

This card is just to say
Your hand got in the way
My teeth were there
They didn't care
But I do so sorry and so there!

SORRY I BIT YOU!

Aw. I have two DC and if a Mum did that then I would feel a LOT better...it shows you care..and that you'll work with your DSs mistake.

Poor things. (both of them) I feel for both.

valiumredhead · 08/02/2012 16:52

I think your ds should make a sorry card but no present.

Sapphirefling · 08/02/2012 16:53

I think it's a lovely gesture Smile
Dd was the victim of a serial biter whose parents really didn't care. Would have made a huge difference (and probably resolved the whole thing a bit faster) if they had been on board as well.

saintlyjimjams · 08/02/2012 16:57

I would think you were bonkers Grin but I know people get a bit funny about biting so it will prob be appreciated.

scuzy · 08/02/2012 16:58

but the idea is not coming from the OP but her little lad. perhaps its bonkers as you put it but isnt it a nice thing to encourage him to do? what would you prefer her to say "ah no son dont bother he'll get over it".

porcamiseria · 08/02/2012 17:00

I think its a nice idea

dribbleface · 08/02/2012 17:01

slightly different but my ds1 kicked his great nanny- think papery skin, blood everywhere. she had given him some pennies for sweets which i made him spend on flowers instead, along with other punishments. he was 2 at the time and still remembers it. i was mortified, to this day i have no idea what came over him, he hasn't done anything like that before or since. the fact that he is worried about it is a good thing.

MotherOfSuburbia · 08/02/2012 17:02

My son got knocked off the climbing frame at school by one of his classmates resulting in a broken arm. His parents insisted on bringing over a gift and apologising in person which I found a bit embarrassing but I think they felt it was important for their son to show he was sorry.

So I guess if it makes you feel better then go for it but don't be too over the top!