Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think taking some of dd's birthday money is a reasonable punishment?

48 replies

Memoo · 06/02/2012 10:24

Or would it be really mean?

Dd was 13 a few weeks ago. She is always losing things. She loses her dinner money at least once a week. Lost her blackberry, her trainers, iPod etc etc.

I am sick of her casual attitude to money and her possessions. I really think she needs to learn to be more responsible.

I asked her to go to the shop last night which is a 2 minute walk. By the time she got to the shop she managed to lose the £5 note I'd given her.

I've told her she can replace it from the birthday money she received from relatives a couple of weeks ago. She is now walking round with a face like a slapped arse.

Aibu?

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 06/02/2012 10:27

Sounds reasonable.

rushelle · 06/02/2012 10:27

Nope seems fair to me.

DizzyDizzyDinosaur · 06/02/2012 10:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MuddlingMackem · 06/02/2012 10:28

YADNBU.

The only way in which you are unreasonable is in not having made her pay for replacements out of her own money earlier. Grin

OldBagWantsNewBag · 06/02/2012 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChaosTrulyReigns · 06/02/2012 10:30

What did you send her to buy? And did you resend her to get it with more money?

«nosey»

Original poster
Memoo · 06/02/2012 10:34

Some bread and milk.

Originally I gave her more money and sent her back to the shop. After I'd thought about it for a while I then got her to give me a fiver from her money.

OP posts:
Original poster
Memoo · 06/02/2012 10:34

She's been going on as if I'm Pol Pot!

OP posts:
mrsjay · 06/02/2012 10:35

stop getting her expensive stuff if she cant look after it , no i would take the money from her if she lost mine yanbu , My dd lost some christmas money and started saying can i borrow , erm nope , i was livid , Id take your dds birthday money and oput it away and give her it when she needs to replace something ,

GlueSticksEverywhere · 06/02/2012 11:22

Wow a blackberry at 13! I don't have one at 36! Or an ipod! She obviously isn't old enough or responsible enough to have these things.

I do wonder though if there might be another problem. My dad is always losing things and I suspect that he has ADD or some other SN. Not because of this but other things so I wonder if it's connected. He's so ditsy all the time!

dontellimpike · 06/02/2012 11:27

YANBU - she lost your money, she should replace it. She needs to learn this. (Might make a fuss when you tell her to go shopping again, though).

LoonyRationalist · 06/02/2012 11:29

A bit on the fence about taking her money ; however if she is being this ditsy with money then she needs to lose control of her own money for a while until she proves herself more responsible.

Having said that are you confident there is nothing more sinister going on with all these lost items, bullying etc?

NoMoreMarbles · 06/02/2012 11:34

i agree i would ask her to pay it back tooSmile my DD is 6 and becoming very ditsy losing things etc so i am expecting this in years to comeGrin

FreePeaceSweet · 06/02/2012 11:35

YANBU.

IvanaHumpalot · 06/02/2012 11:36

YANBU

I would also stop buying her expensive gifts - if she wants them then she can save for them out of birthday, Christmas, pocket money. How about a Saturday job?

Once she realises it take x no. of weeks to save for an item, I suspect either she'll do without or be more careful.

Why would a 13yr old need a blackberry? Need not want...

JustHecate · 06/02/2012 11:38

I think it's perfectly reasonable.

Sometimes something has to hurt if you're to learn. The mistakes you learn best from are the ones that cost you dearest.

At the moment, it doesn't really matter if she loses stuff. She gets told off, maybe gets grounded, but it doesn't really matter. Perhaps she gets the stuff replaced in the end too...

Knowing that your carelessness is going to cost you is likely to make you take care.

I think that you can't spring it on her though. She should know in advance what the consequences will be. From now on, anything that you lose - you pay for.

btw - if she is forver 'losing' cash, are you sure she's not pocketing it and telling you that she's lost it? Grin

TubbyDuffs · 06/02/2012 11:40

I'd start letting her pay for her own luxuries as well. If she wants a replacement iPod, then let her buy herself one by saving up, thus giving her an idea of worth and then if she has actually paid for it herself, she might give a toss about looking after it.

Agree with the what on earth does a 13 year old need a Blackberry sentiment too sorry!

Original poster
Memoo · 06/02/2012 11:49

Im sure she isn't being bullied.

Just for the record I don't buy dd phone, iPods etc. They are bought by my ex (d)h who can't be arsed coming to see her so sends expensive gifts instead. This Xmas was a new ds and a kindle. He's a twat.

OP posts:
LoonyRationalist · 06/02/2012 11:52

Glad that isn't the case.

In that case I would take her money off her & dole it out when she wants to spend it etc. I would also introduce a rule that expensive gadgets are not to be taken outside the house until she has proved herself more responsible.

DeWe · 06/02/2012 11:55

I'm on the fence on the £5 because presumably she was doing you a favour going to the shops. So if she asks you next time and she says "no, because I don't want to have to spend £5 for doing you a favour" she has actually got a point.

Losing expensive possessions would drive me crazy though, but I'm not sure you've chosen the right one to charge her on.

SecretMinceRinser · 06/02/2012 12:03

I would make her pay it back from pocket money or something. I wouldn't take money a relative has given her to buy a present. Surely they will want to know what she's got with it? But YANBU to make her start paying if she's being careless with stuff. And I would knock the expensive gadgets on the head til she's a bit more sensible too.

TubbyDuffs · 06/02/2012 12:03

I don't see a 13 year old going to the shops for their mother as the child doing the mother a favour to be honest; I see it as a chore that the child should be willing to do, like washing up or dusting.

She is old enough at 13 to be able to look after money on a short trip.

LaurieFairyCake · 06/02/2012 12:05

I'd make her give the money back and I'm a bit Hmm at losing a fiver between here and the shop - how daft would you have to be to do that?

SecretMinceRinser · 06/02/2012 12:05

Ah I see your exh is the provider of the gadgets. Maybe you could have a rule they stay in the house until she's proved she can be trusted.

Original poster
Memoo · 06/02/2012 12:09

Gadgets are definately staying in the house.

Going to the shop is not doing me a favour. We all muck in here and at 13 she has her fair share of chores to do.

OP posts: