To think taking some of dd's birthday money is a reasonable punishment?

[Memoo]

Or would it be really mean?

Dd was 13 a few weeks ago. She is always losing things. She loses her dinner money at least once a week. Lost her blackberry, her trainers, iPod etc etc.

I am sick of her casual attitude to money and her possessions. I really think she needs to learn to be more responsible.

I asked her to go to the shop last night which is a 2 minute walk. By the time she got to the shop she managed to lose the £5 note I'd given her.

I've told her she can replace it from the birthday money she received from relatives a couple of weeks ago. She is now walking round with a face like a slapped arse.

Aibu?

This brings back memories . I was a really dippy child nothing's changed. I used to get sent to the shops to buy cigarettes for my mum & step-dad (showing my age now !). I lost count of the amount of times I would lose the money between home and the shop. It was about a 10 minute walk away. I have no idea how it happened but it frequently did .

I remember my grandparents being there once when I had to go back from a shopping trip red faced and empty handed (for probably the 3rd time that month). My mother told me she would be replacing the money with my pocket money and my grandad insisting on going to try and find it first. He miraculously "found" it

YANBU though OP

Ah what a lovely Grandad Tilly

I would take it. Sometimes the only way to learn is through pain.

My flatmate at University was really careless. She was always breaking her own and other flatmates possessions.

It was only about 2 years in that I realised that as a child when she had broken anything her parents (who adored her) had just replaced it. My parents always made us 'work' a bit for luxury items so this was alien to me.

What is interesting is that almost 20 years later when she breaks something (usually her car) she just looks to her husband to fix/ replace it.

Not a good life skill IMO (or maybe I'm just bitter and twisted I don't have such a forgiving/ generous DH).

I'm sorry for what you went through Zukie

My dd is not scared of me though. You tried to really look after your mothers money, my dd doesn't try at all. She is careless and irresponsible. She loses her dinner money at least once a week.

If it was just the odd occasion I would put it down to one of those things but it's all the time.

Sorry to hear that Zukie but I think if the op was like your mother her dd wouldn't be losing things so frequently - it sounds like she's been a bit soft on her in the past if anything.

My best mate lost a north face fleece on a duke of ed. trip when we were 15. We thought it was well harsh when her mum and dad made her replace it (£60! For a fleece!) out of her birthday money, even though she was never going on another expedition so wouldn't need it. But they were right though- I'm sure she thought twice before leaving stuff littered round the Mournes again

Sounds like your DD needs to learn 'carelessness = consequence'. It's one thing losing or damaging your own belongings, but when it's someone else's you need to learn to step up and take a bit of responsibility

I also agree with taking it out of pocket money but only cos I'm a bit funny about using birthdays/xmas etc as punishments.
I could also imagine a relative of mine getting the arse if I confiscated b'day money they had given mu kids and I can sort of see why as they would want to know what present they had got and would get some joy out of having got them it.
Kinda different though cos my kids are at an age where I would be responsible for their money. I guess the op's dd should be looking after iy herself.

YANBU.

FWIW, my dm's attitude was that if I lost my dinner money, I could just go hungry. Oddly enough, I got pretty good at looking after it.

Then one day I realised that I could 'borrow' it from the school office, and suddenly I got ditsy with it all over again.

Until the school bill arrived at the end of term, my dps realised what I'd been up to and subtracted the total amount from my savings ('twas only a few quid but I was utterly gutted....mainly at being rumbled, I suspect )

There's nothing wrong with learning the value of stuff, especially other peoples' stuff.....

I wouldn't take it from her birthday money, does she not get pocket money?

Are you sure she is careless though? As I said earlier my dad loses things all the time, he tries really hard but his brain or whatever just won't allow him to NOT lose things/get lost/break everything he touches. Are you sure it's nothing like that?

I remember losing a £5 not when I was a child as well. My mum had put it in an envelope and seeled it and sent me to the shop for fags. When I went to the shop the shopkeeper opened it and it wasn't there! I didn't get slapped or anything like Zukie but I remember my mum asking me over and over where it was. She obviously thought I had stolen it. It made me really sad because I couldn't prove that I didn't have a clue where the money had gone. My guess is that she just forgot to put it in although she never found it at home (or at least never told me she did). Just realised this is rather off subject but thought I'd share anyway.

That's a mighty funny list of things to lose. She lost her TRAINERS?

Are you absolutely certain that these things are not being taken off her?

I can understand the phone and the IPod maybe, but not the trainers, someone's taking this stuff off her.

Don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Is your ex reasonable enough that if you have a chat with him he'll back off so to speak?

Zukie i'm so sorry to hear about your experience :(

Sally she had taken them to school for PE. She remembers putting the bag down but can't remember where. I really am certain she is not being bullied. She has her head in tbe clouds. I actually call her Dolly Daydream.

My DS is exactly the same, would loose his head if it wasn't screwed on! He offers his pocket money now (he's 14). Mind you he's not a fool though as I usually let him off for offering

lol 'lost' a fiver. i used to loose dinner money too. after a while i bought something nice. Are you that naive.

I used to "lose" money.

I was buying fags with it...

YABNU I do the same with my 10 year old. He lost a over once through carelessness and I said next time he is to replace it with his own money.

You and me both, ABF

fiver

My ds was also a bit careless with posessions - he came back from high school in teh first week having "lost" his trainers. I threatened to deduct the money from his own money and he manage dto find them again the next day..
If she doesn't have other money of her own then deducting from her birthday money seems fine to me. ds has ONE chore to do - he is responsible for taking recycling from the kitchen and putting it in teh outside container - and then taking it to teh bottom of teh drive once a week. He gets £5 per week for this (in theory - we just kept a mental total). Howver, when he wasn't doing the job without being nagged incessently we agreed on a ruling where £1 gets deducted for every day he doesn't do it - it is amazing the change! He is also keeping track on what is due and can see himself now teh value of money as he plans what to spend it on.