Am I being oversensitive or is it her?!

[StealthPenguin]

Sorry, it's a MIL thread.

Well, I say MIL - it's a MIL, FIL and SIL thread.

DP and I currently live with his parents and sister. They are lovely, and I rarely have any problems with them. On the off-chance that I do, it's normally sorted out. But this has been grating on my nerves now for a few weeks, and I want to know if it's me being oversensitive or if it's a bit "hmm"?

In the interests of non-dripping, I have PND. My dose has recently been doubled because I was still having "cloudy" days, albeit fewer and further between.

I'm trying to teach my DS (6.5mo) that he needs to play on his own. If he is fussy or cries I'll leave him to it for a few minutes, and if he's not stopped I'll go over, give him his toys and he'll go back to playing on his own. Repeat ad infinitum.

But MIL, PIL and SIL constantly throw themselves all over him whenever he makes the tiniest whinge. And it drives me absolutely bonkers! I've explained why I want to leave him to play, but they seem to have ignored it, or believe that they are doing the right thing.

For the last few days though, there have been comments too. "Awww, poor DS! Nasty Mummy, leaving you to cry!", "Oh look, poor dear. All he wants is a hug, you don't have to be so mean!".

I understand that they are trying to help, but DP has noticed this as well! So I'm just at an absolute loss. It's their house - do I just put up with it and delay the "on-his-own" play until we have our own place? AIBU?!

www.redbookmag.com/kids-family/advice/give-yourself-a-break

I been trying to find an article with the opposite view as well but I can't so if anyone can find one and post a link... (got to pick up little one from playgroup)

At the end of the day it is your choice how you raise your children. And a lot of it is trial and error but even with the errors you should be able to do them without interference from others and certainly without other people telling your child you are a nasty mum.

Your mum is wrong, sorry. You can't spoil a 6mo, there will be plenty of time for him to develop the skills to play alone, now isn't it. If he cries he wants your attention, simple as.

I know PND is awful and with our first we all get some things a bit mixed up and I think leaving him to play alone at 6mo is one of them, sorry.

Leave a 6 m old with no attention in a house full of people? That is completely unecessary.
You will miss their help when you move into your own place.

yanbu to feel they shouldn't go against your wishes

but in the spirit of saying don,t worry I was terrible at leaving to cry - he rarely is left - and plays on his own very well so don-t stress too much

but they should respect your choices

Given that you're not well Stealth I think your DP should be doing more. I know it's hard when he works shifts but it sounds like you're run ragged trying to get everything done during the day and then when your DP is around you are still go, go, go either to the gym or doing housework. What sort of shifts does he work?

As for your ILs I think you need to have a serious talk to them about PND. Perhaps print out some information for them, and let them know that even if you look fine you're still finding things difficult.

I think expecting a 6 month old to play on his own is far too young. He's a baby! Perhaps your mil allso knows this so finds your expectations of a 6 month old a bit odd.

I think the comments you're getting aren't nice though. There is no need to put you down if they want to cuddle the baby. Why don't you say to them "I need to get x done. Would you mind looking after ds if he needs some attention?"

I'd enjoy all the attention they're giving your baby. Try doing housework when you're on your own with a baby and toddler and you'll realise how cushy you have it at the moment. Stop moaning and enjoy it!

One thing I learned was housework will wait.
Yes, it will. I always remember the poem Song for a Fifth Child

How big is the house? How much of it are you expected to look after?

Posie have you read the ops responses? Sounds like she does all the housework. Which op is the first thing you need to change. If it's your pil house then they should be doing the housework and you should be helping them. Not doing the whole lot yourself. Also maybe instead of dp taking baby so you can get stuff done, why doesn't he take over whichever task you're doing while you have a cuddle with your baby?
I hope you feel better soon, be kind to yourself.

I think he's pretty young to be playing on his own really. Nice for you if he does, but if he doesn't I'm not sure it's worth trying to make him.

The tip I got (from a very experienced nanny) to teach children to play alone was this - whenever they are playing contentedly leave them to it. If they are having a lovely time or playing a sweet game, it is so tempting to try to join in and be jolly and share the fun. But these times when they are happy in their own company are when they are learning, little by very little, to be self-sufficient. With a six month old they may well be very, very short!

Over time, the amount they can play alone will extend.

So I don't think it is impossible to think about how to develop this skill in six-month-olds. But I personally would teach it by leaving well alone when the baby is happy, but helping them when they are not.

That said, you are his mother and do not deserve to be undermined. Too many adults all trying to parent in different ways is bound to be stressful, especially with PND.

I think the undermining and snide comments is the bigger issue.

Hope you had a better day today.

Sorry about the PND.

You know, you really don't have to be so rigid.

I think the rod you think you'd be creating by acquiescing to the occasional quick pick-up and cuddle or indulging in playing would be a lot less stressful than seething at your in-laws over something so inconsequential (when you look at the bigger picture).

Saying 'Nasty mummy' is not on and I can understand that could upset you but you can't teach a 6 month baby to play by themselves. Perhaps your inlays are trying to tell you this in a cack handed way?