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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say "no actually, I come to work for the money"?

34 replies

ImOnABreak · 06/02/2012 00:43

I have 3 dc, dd1 is 3.7 and dts are 2.1. dp works 6 days a week.

I work in a bar/restaurant 5 nights a week.

Dp and I pass each other on the doorstep, I struggle to actually see my friends or family as they mostly work days, can't remember the last time I had any real time to myself etc...

I love my dc and feel totally blessed with dts and have adjusted my work life to fit around them. Previously worked in an office but had to leave as the childcare for three meant I would be paying to work.

My job is ok, no real stress, lucky to have one at all, some shifts can be exhausting but some customers are lovely.

But if I hear the phrase "oh, you must come to work for a break" I might just snap!

No, actually, I come to work purely for the cash. If I was going to have a break I would go to the gym, meet a friend, have more than a fleeting chat with dp.
Serving up food and drink to people when they demand it, smiling through the same cheesy jokes I've heard before, dealing with tantrums over how their food is served and then having to clear up the mess is not that different to what I do during the day at home.

So no. It is not a fucking break.

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 06/02/2012 00:56

YA sssssssssssssssssssssssoooooooooooooooo NBU!!!!

I have 6 kids and I used to work in my friends bar/restaurant (admittedly, I only had 5 then!) and I used to get that too!

I really wanted to answer with "Yes! I come here to deal with dickheads like you every evening, after a full day with the kids, because it is sooooo much more relaxing than sitting in front of the telly with my feet up, you fucking arsehole"

But I never did, I "laughed" and agreed with them in the hope that i would get a decent tip. Never fucking did though

Bastards.

HarrietSchulenberg · 06/02/2012 00:58

Depends, really. When dses were very small it was sometimes a relief to go to work and have adult conversations and do tasks other than daily household drudgery. If I could have had someone to look after the house so that I could have spent all my time with dses that would have been different, but 75% of my time at home was spent doing repetitive household shite because if I left it our tiny house quickly got in such a mess that it was unliveable. And the money came in very handy.

But, I work in a job where we're all supposed to be seriously dedicated to our work and to do it primarily out of care and concern for a particular group of people. It doesn't go down well when I tell people that I only do it for the money.

ChasTittyBeltUp · 06/02/2012 00:58

I worked in a bar when I first had DD1 and it was not too bad because it was a Golf Club bar and so dead out of season. I think of course YANBU...and should say so.

I laughed along when people said it to me

...maybe you should say "I suppose you come here to get away from your empty life?"

Original poster

ImOnABreak · 06/02/2012 01:02

Maybe I should and see if the tips start rolling in?

5 kids and then a shift? Any tips for staying awake? I'm shattered... Yes I know I should stop mn'ing but dc2 is coughing and restless so waiting for him to settle.

OP posts:

solidgoldbrass · 06/02/2012 01:02

Well nearly everyone goes to work for the money. Because the vast majority of jobs are not things anyone could get excited or wetlipped about doing - serving food and drink, stacking shelves, filing papers, pounding keyboards, answering telephones etc. People do them in order to get paid.

Original poster

ImOnABreak · 06/02/2012 01:06

I think it's the fact they are so serious about it and say it whilst I'm clearing their plates etc. They don't realise I've been doing that all bloody day!

If I worked in a shop/office/anywhere else then it probably would be more of a change rather than a break. But for a break I can think of a lot more things I'd rather be doing!

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 06/02/2012 01:06

Yes SGB but most of those jobs dont involve "making friends" with people in the way that bar work, waitressing etc do. You have to listen to the same old jokes and laugh despite it being the 10th time that evening you have heard it. And couple that with the comments you get if you have a large family, twins, 3 under 4 or whatever, and it soon begins to grate!

Bogeyface · 06/02/2012 01:08

I started smoking again, was the only thing that kept me awake, I dont recommend it!

I was like a zombie most of the time tbh.

solidgoldbrass · 06/02/2012 01:22

I meant that it is witless for punters to tell the OP (and other people who work in service industries) that they must come to work for a bit of fun. There is nothing wrong with going to work for the money.
And I have done my share of waitressing and barmaiding in the past so I do know what you mean about the same old crap jokes.

Bogeyface · 06/02/2012 01:27

Ah, sorry SGB, I misunderstood you. I thought you mean that the OP should suck it up rather than the punters should stop saying such stoopid things!

Apologies :)

nailak · 06/02/2012 01:32

I actually did go to work and feel like it was for a break, it wasn't for the money, I was earning only 20 pounds more and I wasn't even paying childcare,

ThePoorMansBeckySharp · 06/02/2012 01:42

It's a bit of a naff thing to say but hardly offensive, surely? Just acknowledging that looking after 3 small kids is hard work.

Bogeyface · 06/02/2012 02:12

Its less hard work than a dining room full of self defined "foodies", trust me.

samandi · 06/02/2012 06:20

Serving up food and drink to people when they demand it, smiling through the same cheesy jokes I've heard before, dealing with tantrums over how their food is served and then having to clear up the mess is not that different to what I do during the day at home.

I think you should reply with exactly that.

ajourneyofgiraffes · 06/02/2012 06:41

How do they know you've got kids at home? What would prompt them to make such a comment?

callmemrs · 06/02/2012 06:51

Yanbu. It's a shame when people are doing a job just for the money and not gaining any other satisfaction from it, but that's the reality for many people, and I guess when your children are older and childcare is cheaper you will have more choice to do something you really want.
But in the meantime- yes, tell people you come to work because you need to earn

StealthPolarBear · 06/02/2012 07:00

I do sympathise, but they are trying to be friendly, they are making the point that they know you as a person not just a waitress and that they think you deal with a lot in your home life. After all the comment is meant to be sarcastic - work is hard work, they're making the point that looking after 3 DC is even harder! They don't actually think you come to work to enjoy yourself.

Fecklessdizzy · 06/02/2012 10:22

I'm with Stealth. They're only trying to be friendly, and empathize with how much you have to do at home ...

One of the things I like about work is that there's a limit to what I'm expected to do for customers, if they lie on the floor and scream I just call security and I get a whole hour to eat my lunch and read my book with no-one allowed to come and whinge at me about so-and-so hogging the Xbox or the cat having thrown up on their Warhammer ...

Takeresponsibility · 06/02/2012 10:35

I too agree with Stealth. They are acknowledging and sympathising with you that your home life must be pretty full on.

Something happens to individuals when they become the general public, they all think they are the first person to make their not at all witty comment.

When I was a student I was a cashier at Tesco eves and weekends and had to hold large notes up to the light to check they weren't counterfeit. By Saturday lunchtime I was ready to kill the next wag who said - I can vouch for that I've just made it myself, or it's OK I just got it from Boots/the bank/the greengrocers.

hackmum · 06/02/2012 10:44

Oh, it's just one of those things, isn't it? People think they are being friendly and sympathetic, but when you've heard it 300 times you just want to kill someone. It's like when you've got twins and people say "Oh, you've got your hands full!" every time you go out. It's intended to be nice but actually it's just annoying. The problem is that when you are making a casual interaction with a stranger in a public setting such as a bar or a supermarket you don't devote a whole lot of time to thinking about the reality of their life before making a comment.

pebspop · 06/02/2012 10:49

How do the customers know about your kids? I thought you were referring to the other members of staff making comments.

I can honestly say I have never commented on a waitresses' home life as I wouldn't have a clue if they had kids/marital status or anything personal about them.

These people are probably just making conversation. Just like when people ask you when you are marrying your boyfriend or having kids if you are married, or having the next one when you have kids. Just ignore it!

StealthPolarBear · 06/02/2012 10:52

They may be regulars who have chatted to her before

MoreBeta · 06/02/2012 10:53

YANBU.

Some employers also seem to have the attitude that staff should come to work to 'be part of a team' and they enforce this sort of fake camaraderie and tend to get ever so offended and start defining you as 'not a team player' when you plainly don't buy into their nonsense and plainly come to work just for the money.

Funny thing is you find the bosses of these firms are ever so interested in the 'money' themselves and tend to pay their staff minimum wage and make people redundant at the drop of a hat. Big US firms are the worst with their silly 'team building' charades.

They actually don't give a stuff about their employees. Its like being part of a cult and they systematically weed out people who don't go along with it.

UnnamedFemaleProtagonist · 06/02/2012 10:53

I have young three kids, am at uni full time and I work evenings. My evening job is a break tbh. I don't have to clear up peoples mess though, thank the lord. Obviously I do it for the cash otherwise I would never set foot in the door again.

Original poster

ImOnABreak · 06/02/2012 11:27

It is a local pub that serves food so i know a lot of faces from pre school, the village, etc so people know I have small dc, or other customers over hear and feel the need to comment too.

I know they are just being friendly and I am being a grump.

I need to ignore the comments and keep smiling, it just grates but I get all the twin comments when we are out during the day too. Just got pissed off with it all last night!

OP posts:

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