To phone the police re my son's father?

[Uselessfather]

My 15 year old son hasn't seen his father regularly since he was 2 1/2. His father makes little effort and is and always has been very irresponsible. This weekend his father wanted DS to stay, so I agreed and DS flew from boarding school to see him, on the agreement DS would return to school tonight. Suprise suprise, DS was not on the flight and his father didn't let me know until 20 mins before the flight was due to land, so school had already sent a driver to collect DS.

DS's father says there were no trains to the airport today and that they aren't running. He didn't want to drive in the snow. He hasn't yet booked DS on a flight tomorrow and wouldn't commit as to when he might do so. He says he'll do it tomorrow, I'm not sure I believe this and I suspected before the weekend that DS would miss the flight back.

I am also concerned as DS's father has said they'll be sleeping on his boat (where he lives) tonight. Yet he says there is 6" of snow. I'm also concerned that DS's father has always been involved in the music/drink/drugs type of scene and I am now kicking myself that I let DS go there. I did it as I didn't feel I could or should stop DS seeing his Dad. I though maybe he'd grown up a bit, but by his behaviour on the phone I can see that hasnt happened.

I don't want to trouble the police unecessarily, but WIBU to see of they could visit to check that a) this boat is suitable to sleep on when it's so cold and b) make sure that DS's father knows he must be back at school at the earliest opportunity?

Kelly - can you not see the irony that in one breath you are saying he is nearly old enough to marry, and in the next suggesting that the OP calls the local police.

Benne I'm with you I hate the timewasters.

can't believe you were seriously considering asking the police to check - that your DS who is 15 - was warm enough.... bizarre behaviour to be honest.

All's well that looks to be ending well which is the most important thing. I suspect your DS has had a whale of a time what with snow, being on a boat and also in the company of his father. Regardless of how useless you think or know him to be.

I'm very glad you didn't ring the police though. I have a couple of friends who are police officers and any request to go and check whether a 15 year old boy would have been warm enough on his father's boat would have gone down in their long list of "WTAF calls".

I agree asking them to check he was warm enough seems bizarre. I have never called the police for anything in my life before. I suppose it was more about making sure he was safe, there were no drugs involved and that his father was going to make sure he got back to school. DS is 15 and I appreciate that is quite grown up, but he is also easily influenced at the moment and not as grown up as he thinks he is.

Having spoken to DS at length tonight it seems he asked his Father to ring me several times this morning about flights etc as he didn't have his phone on him and he just kept saying 'in a minute'.

I don't agree with the majority of the posters on this thread. Given ex's track record, I'm not surprised you were concerned that ds was safe, particularly as he missed his flight and didn't answer his phone. This 'man' wanted to get rid of ds before he was born, has shown no resonsibility towards him throughout his life and is currently acting like a baby, purposefully defying 'mummy'. I'd put money on it that he encouraged ds to do likewise.

I'm glad to hear ds is safe. I would get things set in stone legally iiwy in light of his behaviour during this blue moon contact. He could site the weather for his irresponsible behaviour of course but that doesn't account for not calling you to let you know ds wasn't on the flight, refusing to let you know what flight he would be on, refusing to let you know where ds would be staying, not letting you know when ds was on a flight etc. I'm sure you've had 15+ years to come to terms with the fact that a turd fathered your child and I don't blame you for being worried - re drink/drugs lifestyle - that ds was safe: he very easily could not have been.

I don't know what's got into everyone on your thread but I don't think you were being unreasonable. 15yo boys are extremely impressionable and I hope his little jolly with his dad hasn't given him an appetite for more, though it probably has. Try and get the school on your side to prevent a repeat.

And I think an important point is that although this man is my sons father he has only seen him a handful of times since DS was 2 1/2, so DS doesn't know him that well.

What's to love about Fabby's comment? Rude and unneccessary - she only does it for attention since surely nobody can be that fucking rude time and again and think it's ok?

This isn't a case of asking the police to check on whether a 15-year-old is warm enough - it's a case of an adult who hasn't shown a track record of being a responsible parent. It's the latter case where the police would prefer to be involved earlier rather than later - it isn't the age of youngster, it's the concept of a possibly vulnerable person. At the stage when the OP first posted, there was serious doubt about where the 15-year-old was and serious doubt about whether the father was capable of understanding his responsibilities, which, given his lack of communication, gave rise to the OP's concerns.

Many OPs are criticised for not giving enough information. I think in this case the OP gave too much, and that's muddied the situation.