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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Signing a card...

32 replies

numbertaker · 05/02/2012 18:15

A quickie....my FIL was widdowed some years ago, he now has a lady friend. my DH is really struggeling to get over his mothers death, but he is ok with the ladyfriend.

Anyway since my FIL has been with her he now insists of signing all cards from x and x , rather than from Dad or Grandad. My DH just got a birthday card signed from x and x. I find that totally not ok, I am not even sure that the ladyfriend knows he is doing it.

My DH is oh let it go, but my DC's will get cards signed fro x and x. I want to point this out, DH says I am a trouble causer. AIBU

OP posts:
FredFredGeorge · 05/02/2012 18:16

Yes, YABU, it's completely up to the individual how they sign their cards.

ChasingSquirrels · 05/02/2012 18:17

He is moving on, as people do, and she is now part of his life.
As such surely it is ok for him to send cards from them both, again that's what people do.
What on earth do you want to point out and what do you hope to achieve? To alienate your FIL from your lives?

exoticfruits · 05/02/2012 18:19

I don't see the problem-the person signing the card decides who they are from-not the person receiving them!

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 05/02/2012 18:22

Is he signing them from Dad/Grandad & 'Ginger' or from 'Fred' & 'Ginger'?

Fair enough if from Dad/Grandad & Ginger, not so fine if from 'Fred' & 'Ginger' because that's as if he's no longer Dad/Grandad, but I don't see the problem if it's from Dad/Grandad and 'Ginger' as she's now part of his life.

Kennyp · 05/02/2012 18:22

Its not a biggie to be honest. He sounds happy that he's got some to sign a card with. Reminds me of ross and mona in friends when they sent holiday cards together.

TheFallenMadonna · 05/02/2012 18:24

You are a trouble causer...

Birdsgottafly · 05/02/2012 18:27

I think that it is odd, also.

However it is up to your DH whether it is challanged. Personally if he wasn't signing the card as dad, i would call him by his name, always, he cannot switch when it suits.

I would find it insulting towards the children if they call him GD and then on cards he signs his name.

Rindercella · 05/02/2012 18:30

I really don't see the problem, most especially because your DH doesn't see a problem. It would appear that you are trying to see a problem where none exists. You don't even know yet how he will sign cards to his GC and even if he does end up signing those cards from Fred & Ginger (hi Chippy Grin), it doesn't really matter.

It really is up to your FIL to decide how he signs cards.

IAmBooyhoo · 05/02/2012 18:33

why is this a problem?

coronet · 05/02/2012 18:37

Ah, poor man. I think grown-up children find it quite difficult to see their parent with someone else. In the end, he has moved on. Be glad he has a companion and just let the small things go - it really doesn't matter that much.

Kayzr · 05/02/2012 18:38

YABU and your DH is right.

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 05/02/2012 18:40

Does it really matter what name the cards are signed with?

I'm really struggling to see a problem here, especially as your dh thinks its not worth worrying about.

Original poster
numbertaker · 05/02/2012 18:42

Fred and ginger.......

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 05/02/2012 19:08

YABU - be grateful he is happy with a new partner and still bothers with his first family. Plenty don't. Unless of course, you are speculating and inheritance chasing .....

NilByMouthExceptVodka · 05/02/2012 19:30

I think it is a little bit odd and if my Dad changed from writing Dad or Grandad to writing or whatever I would ask him about it. "Do you want the children to call you now? because we'll need to explain that to them.

Alternatively his new partner is writing the cards and he hasn't seen them - either way I'd mention it.

ChasingSquirrels · 05/02/2012 19:33

yeah changing from / to is a bit odd. I might ask him about that, but not about the bit.

asiatic · 05/02/2012 19:33

Leave the poor guy alone. Why should this cause offense? and how would he guess you would be offended? I should imagine you would just cause total shock and distress to say you are offended by this completely normal, and inoffensive behaviour. Is that your aim?

cheekyseamonkey · 05/02/2012 19:33

I don't get it...why is this an issue?

JustHecate · 05/02/2012 19:45

I don't think it's nice, actually.

He is still Dad! So it's not now Happy birthday son, love dad. It's happy birthday Tom love Fred.

That's weird

And his grandchildren? He's not now Grandad any more?

Suddenly deciding to not call yourself someone's Dad any more - even if it is 'just' in cards to them - is a bit thing and worth questioning.

I mean - it is designed to slap you in the face, isn't it? Here is a card and it's from your father, but he isn't calling himself Dad any more.

I'd want to know why. I think it does matter.

didldidi · 05/02/2012 19:49

I would think it weird too! dad and x is much more appropriate.

newbiedoobiedoo · 05/02/2012 19:50

Actually I agree with op. why should he go from being dad/grandad to John just because he has a ladyfriend?! Is he no longer their grandad because he's in a relationship?! It's not a very nice thing to do really is it?!

Chubfuddler · 05/02/2012 19:51

Changing from grandad to Fred is off, I would ask him why tbh.

MissBeehivingUnderTheMistletoe · 05/02/2012 19:56

I think it's a bit strange tbh. My mum died 3 years ago and my Dad has a new partner and he signs cards from Dad/Grampy and X.

startail · 05/02/2012 19:59

Just leave it,
Dad/Mum
Grandpa/ grandma
Maybe writing only half the pair hurts, maybe writing Dad and X or Grandpa and x reminds him painfully of what can't be any more. It simply isn't worth bringing up.
I'm sure he still loves his son and Grandchildren just the same.

staylucky · 05/02/2012 20:02

My DP has never written a card in his life, always me that sends to his family etc (but obv always as though he has done it) so am betting 'Ginger' is the one doing the writing. She might honestly not have realised her error though.