To think you're a grown man, FINISH YOUR DAMN DINNER!

[NoIfMuttsOrBabies]

Im the only girl in my family of brothers, DP is one of 3 boys.

In my experience men finish everything on their plate always.

It doesnt happen too often but I have to bite my tongue when DP doesnt finish the last bits of carrots and potato (or whatever) on his plate.

We're so poor right now it hurts, I plan our budget to the penny (literally) I plan every days meal to make sure we're fed that day, I buy economy, I save the bits not severed up to freeze for another meal, I throw little or nothing away.

DP goes on about how he never eats at work, he burns up loads of energy doing hard graft, hes starving, then leaves this food on his plate.

YES its only a few chunks of carrots, a tiny bit if meat and a table spoon of potato, but ITS ONLY A FEW CHUNKS OF CARROT A TINY BIT OF MEAT AND A TABLE SPOON OF POTATO SO FUCKING SHOVEL IT DOWN AND NOT IN THE BIN!

"But Im full."'

Makes me want to kick you it the fucking eye.

AIBU.

Oh and another idea is dont serve his up let him serve his own then he can take what he wants and there isn't any waste and you can relax about it ,

You aren't being unreasonable at all to be angry he's wasting money on crap when it's a struggle to feed the family well. I agree you should sit down and calculate how much say 3 treats a week would cost over a month - and a SAHM works bloody hard. That's why nannies plus cleaners cost a lot of money... even when they don't cook and shop.

I think you are being unreasonable, if as you say it's a rare event and he hasn't left much, minding him not finishing every scrap when he's not hungry. DH's family were Jewish refugees and he eats everything, to the point he feels ill. He can't open a packet and leave the rest there. It makes me angry because it's selfish (he ate all the Yule Log in one sitting) but also because it's a horrendous example to set kids. I think responding to appetite is a big reason people don't get obese.

Why the concern of getting DLA? If you are entitled then claim. Are you realistically able to work?

Incidentally if he's self-employed (you mentioned banking) you know you'd be able to shop at somewhere like CostCo? I envy a family I know who do that - good stuff, and they save a bomb.

Just wondering what your DC are thinking when you are screaming at your DP to "FUCKING SHOVEL IT DOWN AND NOT IN THE BIN!"

I'm assuming you all eat together?

And I just saw the DLA part - if you are a SAHM with a child disabled enough to qualify, then you do already work incredibly hard. I'm really sorry, if your circumstances are new then this may all be feeling overwhelming.

I don't know if you are already, but I know the SN thread posters here are really supportive. So are Relationships. AIBU tends to be a bunfight, and you deserve a bit more nuanced feedback, IMO. Sorry things are tough right now.

Perfectstorm is right. Perhaps ask to have the thread moved, if it's appropriate that is.

If your DH is starving when he comes home but full before he's finished his dinner then I'd probably give him a bit less dinner to start with (as others have said).

I would be annoyed at the snack buying aswell if we were that skint (and we have been) but are the snacks for everyone? Do you get a bit of chocolate or some crisps too? Do the DCs? Might it be that he thinks he's buying "treats" to cheer you all up a bit?

Ah, posted before reading the DLA bit. If you are entitled to it then you should claim it - benefits are intended for people who really need the support and that does sound like your family at the moment.

Because I dont want to be claiming DLA, I want to work again. Im desperate to work, I want my son to be well enough (its health thats the problem rather than SN or disability) so I can work. I want to stop panicking that I cant feed us all and would love to stop worrying about DC's health.

Oh how woe and self absorbed the above is. How cringy. Ive had half a bottle of wine since I started this thread and I dont usually drink. Final cringe.

Sorry to hear about DS' health problems. Fill in the DLA form and if your son is entitled, use it for his needs. It isn't an out-of-work benefit and the extra cash may help you pay for childcare so you can work, which in turns benefits him IYSWIM?

I think you need to ask to move or start a new thread as i think you have so much going on that a bit of support and listening to is needed , if your son is Ill at the moment then maybe having DLA on a temp basis is the way to go as he needs a parent at home , , I dont think this is just about the carrots ,

OP, please think of starting another thread.

NoIfMuttsOrBabies, DLA isn't an out of work benefit. If you're eligible you'll still receive it when you are working.

I re-read my OP, you're right what a fucking laugh. Carrots indeed.

Um, I actually didnt expect this thread to get to this. I felt genuinely fucked off about him not eating his damn carrots.

feels like a right cock

and yes you can work and have DLA as totem pointed out ,

Totem my inability to work and the DLA are going hand in hand for a very short time (I hope).

Are having to go hand in hand, I should put. But ONLY for a short time. I hope.

I think you need to claim the DLa in the short term its ok to claim if you are entitled it wont make your son healthier but it will take the stress of not earning off you ,

YABU the clear your plate mentality is stupid. Firstly, serve smaller portions, secondly, ov eating makes you fat and is therefore bad for health. Gavel

Don't be so hard on yourself. Sounds like life is really hard at the mo, no wonder you're feeling a bit overwhelmed.

I'm pretty sure SN means kids with additional needs, and right now, that's yours. I'm equally sure the posters there won't think you failed some admission criteria because you're lucky enough that your child may fully recover. You need and deserve support, and whether it's there, or development, or parenting, or relationships, (sure another poster will be able to show you the way) you need to get it. That's when MN can really, really come into its own and be an amazing resource. Tap it.

Bringmesunshine, I appreciate you've not read the whole thread and Lord knows I've done that a million times before, so not aimed at you but for the benefit of other posters in that position: please either do read the whole thread, or don't comment?

And OP, DLA is there for people in exactly your position. You are entitled. For the love of God, it's what you and everyone else pays their tax for, not for MP's expenses or corporate tax breaks! CLAIM THE DAMN THING. You don't begrudge anyone else who's had to, do you? Well then.

Practical suggestion - if your mobile plan allows for the texts (ie it won't cost you more to do this), can you text DH and ask "how hungry he is, just wondering what to do for dinner?" and then he can say "ah not much, just a snack is fine" or "starving, darling" accordingly.

o I notice we eat more things like soup because "not very but I want something tasty and savoury" gets texted back about half the time so we're saving on food outgoings.

I was ready to tell you off, OP, until I read about you being really poor. It's actually not ok for your husband to buy snacks in those circumstances. If he snacked less, he wouldn't leave stuff.

Snacks are expensive and unnecesary. Tell him that, OP, and explain how these impact your food budget.

Cook less or make the leftovers for soup!