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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

re DD's parents evening?

62 replies

WasIBeingUnreasonable · 04/02/2012 17:05

At DD's parents evening we were speaking to the teachers that has her for one of her weaker subjects and, tbh, I thought what he said was a bit out of order. We sat down and the first thing he talked about was how DD isn't making as much progress as the others and it was unacceptable, even though she puts a lot of effort into homework and lessons (his words). I replied that surely it was his job to ensure that she makes progress, to which he replied that it is very hard to make sure everyone is making progress with a class of 25. Shouldn't he be making time to do that?

I was getting a bit narked by this point and went on to raise an issue to him that DD had mentioned to me about him taking a long time to come to her when she has her hand up. He then suggested that when she needs help she asks the girl next to her and not him. He then got very tetchy with me when I said I would rather he helped her than another 15 year old, he is the teacher after all!

Now AIBU or is this not the best attitude for the teacher to hold when teaching a year 11 GCSE class?

OP posts:
theoldfrazzledazzle · 04/02/2012 17:09

YABU

squeakytoy · 04/02/2012 17:12

YABU

kreecherlivesupstairs · 04/02/2012 17:14

How exactly can he make her make progress?

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2012 17:15

It sounds as though he needs to be more direct in his speech

Reading your OP, it seems to me that he's saying she needs to put more effort in. Every child has their own version of what a 'lot' of effort is but if she wants to make more progress, perhaps she needs to put more in.

WRT the hand up thing, he can't get to them all straight away so maybe asking the girl next to her is a good idea...as long as it's a capable child.

Original poster
WasIBeingUnreasonable · 04/02/2012 17:18

Should have worded that differently. He said she is putting lots of effort in but not progressing. When we asked how she could progress he replied that he doesn't know as he has 24 other children in the class.

OP posts:
EvilTwins · 04/02/2012 17:18

If she's Yr11, then she needs to take responsibility. As for the hands up thing- many schools, my own included, are trying to get students to develop more independence and less reliance on the teacher as the only source of information or help. Asking another student, referring to work earlier in their books, checking text books or wall displays for help should all be tried and the teacher should really be the last resort.

Jux · 04/02/2012 17:19

If she's putting effort in but not making progress, why? It can't be entirely down to 'bad teacher doesn't help enough'. What subject is it? Perhaps she's simply not very good at that subject, her mind works in a different way and is better at other things?

Teachers do have to give attention to all their pupils, so it's not so easy for them to just jump when one pupil needs attention. If another pupil can help, then why not pick their brain? Your dd would either get the help she needs sooner, or partial help while waiting for the teacher to get to her.

When I was at school, we all asked the people next to us first. Then we'd queue for the teacher if we needed to.

Would your dd cope better in a different group?

JustHecate · 04/02/2012 17:19

So - her lack of progress is unacceptable.

But she puts a lot of effort in.

Hmm

What does he want her to do if she is already trying? Perhaps she is doing the best that she can.

And, tbh, I agree with you that if a child needs help with their work - they should expect that help to come from the teacher, not from the child sat next to them. What if the child sitting next to them doesn't understand it properly either? Or has the wrong answer?

What did he say she is not doing that he would want her to do?

Did he suggest that he thinks she is not trying as hard as she could do?

Does he think that she is capable of more but is not applying herself?

I think it would probably be a good idea to request another meeting, and have a list of questions ready.

Unless you understand exactly what it is he is saying, and what he feels the problem is and how he feels it could be addressed - then you can't work together for the benefit of your daughter.

JustHecate · 04/02/2012 17:20

x post

she's trying but she isn't progressing
how can she progress
I don't know.

That is really unacceptable and something that requires clarification.

troisgarcons · 04/02/2012 17:22

DD isn't making as much progress as the others and it was unacceptable, even though she puts a lot of effort into homework and lessons (his words).

So she's putting in the effort but not grasping the subject fully? She might have reached her limit of capability in the subject - it happens, not everyone is A* material

He then suggested that when she needs help she asks the girl next to her and not him.

JMHO - bad move - that is disrupting (unintentionally) someone elses learning.

Is your daughter the sort to pop back after school and say "look, I just don't get it, can you run through this point again for me?"

Secondly, I do bang on about it a bit, but WHS do GCSE revision guides, get one - half the time they are far better than competing for attention with 25-30 other pupils. BBC Bitesize, again an invaluable tool.

FWIW I had a complete humdinger with my sons chemistry teacher @ PPC evening. Ended up with me telling him his mismanagement of a classroom wasn't my problem, my sons education was LOL

BoneyBackJefferson · 04/02/2012 17:22

Sounds like you enable her poor attitude

c0rnsilllkrunninglikealaydee · 04/02/2012 17:25

what makes you think that she has a poor attitude boneyback? The teacher has said that she puts a lot of effort into her work.

Original poster
WasIBeingUnreasonable · 04/02/2012 17:25

JustHecate, the teacher didn't mention any of those things. He was very brief as there was a long queue for that particular teacher.
It's maths, Jux. Last year we asked repeatedly for her to be moved down a set but she wasn't. The result of that was she had to stay in the same set, had to take two of her exams early (didn't do as well as she could have) and now can't move groups and has to re-sit the modules she took in year 10.

OP posts:
c0rnsilllkrunninglikealaydee · 04/02/2012 17:26

so it's possible that the level of work isn't right for her?

troisgarcons · 04/02/2012 17:27

boney I dont think the OP is .....the DD is asking for help from a teacher, the teacher is saying to disturb ask another pupil....Thats wrong. Very wrong.

The Op then points out (to us) its the teachers job, not another 15yos job, to explain the topic.

The OP is right to be concerned. Especially when the teacher says he cant help her progress because he has 24 other people to see to in the class. Very very wrong.

Original poster
WasIBeingUnreasonable · 04/02/2012 17:27

troisgarcons, I'm glad I'm not the only one who has got irrationally angry at a parents' evening!

OP posts:
Moveslikejagger · 04/02/2012 17:29

'the teacher should be the last resort'. Really?

I'm pretty shocked by that to be honest. I would never want to be the last resort for my students.

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2012 17:30

The teacher isn't refusing to help her

He's basically saying that if she can't wait her turn, there's nothing he can do about it except to suggest she asks someone else.

Often the questions kids ask have simple answers but they just weren't listening...that can be answered by the person next to them.

Other times the questions are because they don't understand something...that should be answered by the teacher.

troisgarcons · 04/02/2012 17:31

Maths is a core subject - if the DD does pass at C, then it slams a whole lot of doors for her in later life.

Coming from the parents perspective i would be doing my cobblers by now,. 10 teaching weeks until the GCSEs start this summer - thats no time at all to keep on top of waht is being taught now AND revise for topics that should have been banked and forgotten about.

OP - you need to be making LOUD noises right up the chain about this. If nothing else the SLT ICO of curriculum and statistics will not want their statistics impinged by a non achiever in E&M and kick some arse.

ragged · 04/02/2012 17:32

it sounds to me like he was saying that he's disappointed with her progress and then OP leapt in to blame the teacher for that lack of progress without waiting to hear him out about what strategy he might have in mind to help her. So teacher got his back up and never got a chance to explore with OP what they could do jointly together to find out why her hard work isn't adequate (when it would be for so many others).

EvilTwins · 04/02/2012 17:33

OFSTED want to see independent study, and see that students have resilience where it comes to tricky work. Students who just get into the habit of sticking their hand up and waiting for the teacher are not showing resilience, and whilst they're sitting with their hand up, are achieving nothing and making no progress. OFSTED don't accept it any more- new framework makes that very clear.

BoneyBackJefferson · 04/02/2012 17:34

"I replied that surely it was his job to ensure that she makes progress, to which he replied that it is very hard to make sure everyone is making progress with a class of 25. Shouldn't he be making time to do that?"

sounds like deflecting the blame to me

troisgarcons · 04/02/2012 17:38

It is the teachers job, it will be in their objectives, to make sure each pupil follows their 'flightpath' .....It is the parents job to support the teacher .... it is not another 15yo classmates job to do the teachers job for them.

EvilTwins · 04/02/2012 17:39

You're missing the point.

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2012 17:41

Yes but it depends on the reason she has her hand up, Trois (checks comma's in place!)

If it's simply to ask what page they're supposed to be on and he's already told the whole class...let her ask the kid next to her.

If it's something she actually doesn't understand...let her wait (along with others) til the teacher gets round to her.