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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

re DD's parents evening?

62 replies

WasIBeingUnreasonable · 04/02/2012 17:05

At DD's parents evening we were speaking to the teachers that has her for one of her weaker subjects and, tbh, I thought what he said was a bit out of order. We sat down and the first thing he talked about was how DD isn't making as much progress as the others and it was unacceptable, even though she puts a lot of effort into homework and lessons (his words). I replied that surely it was his job to ensure that she makes progress, to which he replied that it is very hard to make sure everyone is making progress with a class of 25. Shouldn't he be making time to do that?

I was getting a bit narked by this point and went on to raise an issue to him that DD had mentioned to me about him taking a long time to come to her when she has her hand up. He then suggested that when she needs help she asks the girl next to her and not him. He then got very tetchy with me when I said I would rather he helped her than another 15 year old, he is the teacher after all!

Now AIBU or is this not the best attitude for the teacher to hold when teaching a year 11 GCSE class?

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 04/02/2012 17:41

Missed your post about the new framework. But I still stand by the initial point of contact should be the teacher, not a classmate. Most things you can research for yourself in need, maths (JMHO) isn't one of those things. You either "get it" first time or you don't.

pinkappleby · 04/02/2012 17:42

Too close to exams for moaning at the school to sort it out IMO, as it's such an important subject get a tutor in or at least revision guides and head down at home.

troisgarcons · 04/02/2012 17:44

I would flip the coin again - if there are a flurry of hands up in class then that would indicate there is something wrong in the presentation/method of teaching?

EvilTwins · 04/02/2012 17:49

Or just that the students are lazy and put their hand up for help before thinking about it and trying different ways of getting to grips with the work. So many kids ask for help when actually they could have figured it out for themselves. It becomes a habit. It's not a great habit to get into- people expect initiative and self-sufficiency in the real world, hence my earlier comment about asking the teacher being the last, not the first, resort. In schools which have focused on it, it makes a huge difference.

BoneyBackJefferson · 04/02/2012 17:50

"if there are a flurry of hands up in class then that would indicate there is something wrong in the presentation/method of teaching?"

thats only if you make the assumption that that the pupils are all asking the same thing and that the teachering is poor.

there are many reasons why lots of hands can go up.

troisgarcons · 04/02/2012 17:53

Coming from three angles: parent, collegue and school employee - there are some shoddy teachers out there. As there were when I (and probably you) were at school.

But back to the OP - she feels her daughter is being overlooked and wants to know how to have that corrected.

Original poster
WasIBeingUnreasonable · 04/02/2012 17:54

Should also point out that they are currently not following the GCSE course and are doing some AS level work which is not suitable for DD as she only just scraped a B in her first two GCSE modules. This means they aren't doing revision in lessons but making DD struggle with work she cannot do. It just seems that the teacher is mainly concentrating on those doing A level maths, which is who the course is aimed at.

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 04/02/2012 17:56

Oh right - well why didnt you say that in the first place? that puts a whole different perspective on the issue.

sighs

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 04/02/2012 17:57

I don't think YABU, and I must be missing the point too because I can't understand why posters are saying YABU.

It sounds to me like it was handled badly from the start and she should have moved down a set a while ago.

I would look into paying for a private tutor if you possibly can.

Original poster
WasIBeingUnreasonable · 04/02/2012 18:02

KitchenRoll, ideally we want to avoid private tutoring as it's not really an option fincancially. I think it might just be a case of doing revision at home whenever possible, although having said that neither me nor DH are very good at maths!

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 04/02/2012 18:10

WHS - revison guides. BBC bitesize.

FWIW I was absolutely shit @ maths, but I was constantly bottom of top set. But I had a heavily accented teacher. I scraped a G2 CSE (now how old am I???!) I got the same teacher in 6th form when I thought I would try O Level - basically I just sat at the back of the class and did my HW for other subjects or bunked off.

Last year I self taught (with a little help from my Y10 and BBC) and got a B, one mark short of an A. I was well chuffed TBH!

bigTillyMint · 04/02/2012 18:18

Aahh, was just thinking it must be maths.

Would it be possible for her to drop down a set so that she is working with others at a more similar level? It sounds like she was put in for the GCSE a bit too early and needs more time to consolidate before she moves on.

Could you speak to the Head of Department about moving her?

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 04/02/2012 18:20

The teacher sounds like quite hard work to me, but I'm not a fan of Mathis teachers in general! I was always crap at Maths!

Could you ask him to point you in the right direction with regards to resources that you could use at home if you don't want to go down the tutor route? This is what we did with my ds when he was struggling with Maths for a while, and the teacher recommended some good websites that he knew had the right type of work on, and a text book that helped too. Ds was then able to use those on his own to get a better understanding of what he had to do.

He is only year 7, but he was also given a mentor from higher up in the school. I think the A level students sometimes help the younger ones as part of something they have to do as well. Is that something that could be worth suggesting?

Aribura · 04/02/2012 18:28

I hardly think the teacher will be sitting there going "lol, not going to bother" when she has her hand up. Probably there are other students needing attention. It's not all about your daughter. In that regard YABU especially since it seems you brought it up to have a go at him after he didn't praise her out the ass. Hmm

YANBU to want support for her but at that age they're definitely supposed to be more independent in their learning and teachers don't have time to create a specialist learning plan for each student. Get her a tutor or work more outside class to catch up. The teaching in class is not supposed to be 100% of the learning.

GnomeDePlume · 04/02/2012 18:28

What is the accepted point of contact with the school? I would suggest quickly getting in contact (form tutor, head of year, head of maths). Explain your concerns clearly and concisely. Look for clear actions which will be taken by you/your daughter/the school to ensure that DD gets the best grade possible.

The teacher's attitude didnt sound great so YANBU.

fraggle500 · 04/02/2012 18:52

I too must be missing the point Kitchen roll
I really don't think you ABU , OP - I agree with you totally. Having the same "conversations" with my sons' teachers, he is only year 6. Just been diagnosed with dyslexia and dyscalculia (after 5 years of me pushing to be tested) ........response on parents evening from teacher...".He just doesn't seem to take it in first time!" The teachers should be made to take responsibly for the child's progress. Angry

Tigerstripes · 04/02/2012 18:55

I may be missing the point, but does it really matter if she doesn't understand and is not making progress in the AS level work they're doing now? Since I got the impression she's not going on to do A level? Obviously, only insomuch as she's missing out on time that she could be spending on GCSE work. I would definitely kick up another fuss with the HOD that she needs to be in a lower set. That seems to be the real issue.

Original poster
WasIBeingUnreasonable · 04/02/2012 18:56

I think I'm partly annoyed as it is a GCSE year and is DD's only chance to get it right! Come september she will never have to think about algebra again.

OP posts:
EvilTwins · 04/02/2012 18:59

fraggle - but there is a massive difference between a Yr 6 child who has been diagnosed with dyscalculia and a child who is weeks away from her GCSEs. I would not expect a 10 yr old to take responsibility for his learning, but would expect a Yr 11 student to do so.

Putting all the blame on the teacher at this late stage is a little futile. Presumably the OP has known for some time that the rest of the class has moved on to AS work? Presumably her DD has been finding for some time that she's not doing and/or keeping up with the work the rest of the class is doing?

Original poster
WasIBeingUnreasonable · 04/02/2012 19:02

EvilTwins, AS work started mid January but we've known for a while that's what they would be doing. That's the main reason we pushed for her to be moved down a set.

OP posts:
RuleBritannia · 04/02/2012 19:04

So it's Maths.

My son's predicted grade was (yes, some time ago) CSE grade 4 which was the national average. Only CSE grade 1 equated to an O level so we got him a tutor for an hour a week over 6 weeks. He came out with an O level grade B. The problem was the relationship between the maths teacher at school and my son. He was a good teacher but there were personality clashes between them (not arguments or bad behaviour ..... just didn't get on).

EvilTwins · 04/02/2012 19:14

Is the school providing your DD with work to do, which is not the AS work? Or is she being given the same work as everyone else? If she is not going to sit the AS exam, there is little point in her doing the AS work.

dandelionss · 04/02/2012 19:29

YABU.First off it's a parents evening and presumably you went wanting to know how your DD was doing.He told you! Your DD is trying hard but the work is just too difficult for her

marriedinwhite · 04/02/2012 19:42

Can you draw a line under the parents' evening and ask for an appointment with the Head of Year/Head of Maths and explain what happened, explain your concerns for your dd and ask them to advise you how you can support your daughter to improve at this late stage, rather than apportioning blame on the teacher who may or may not have been at fault. It does rather sound as though you were both a bit defensive on the night.

lifechanger · 04/02/2012 20:03

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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