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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to not go out tonight if it snows?

46 replies

fullofregrets · 04/02/2012 09:42

We are meant to be going out for a friend's birthday tonight. It's about 15miles away but it is down an unlit lane most of the way. My parents are babysitting and will have to drive home afterwards which also seems a bit much if weather is bad (they are approx 15miles away too.)

I have just text friend to forewarn her that we probably won't make it if it is bad and she was not very pleased. Apparently there are people going who are coming from further away than us (but probably on main gritted routes).

AIBU to think I don't really care what anyone else is doing and that I don't want to drive in snow and ice? And also that I don't want my parents to drive back in snow and ice either? It is a meal and will probably go on until late. It is not starting until 8pm so even if we only went for part of it it will still be late.

I feel bad about it though. Why did the weather have to suddenly turn so cold?! Bloody February.

OP posts:
ILoveSanta · 04/02/2012 09:46

YANBU, you have to get back for your children, and how can anyone say YABU to look after your safety! Parties are not important, but staying safe is!

ENormaSnob · 04/02/2012 09:52

yanbu

I am at a wedding today.

Snow forecast from 12 onwards.

We are going but will be leaving early to go sledging if it looks like its getting heavy.

Original poster
fullofregrets · 04/02/2012 09:53

Ooooh maybe I will go and buy a sledge this morning!

OP posts:
lesley33 · 04/02/2012 09:56

tbh I think YABU. DP's family all live in deep countryside - unlit small lanes. They wouldn't dream of not going out when it snowed. And we have been expected to, and have driven down there in pretty deep snow. I would ring friend before I set off and ask how deep the snow is - but it is unlikely to be anywhere deep enough to be an issue.

ime if even a few cars drive along a road, usually even if the pavement has lots of snow, the roads are easier.

Tenebrist · 04/02/2012 10:02

So it hasn't snowed yet? Get the most detailed forecast you can find for this eve, if snow forecast then cancel now. Otherwise go but warn friend you will leave if snow starts. Would it be so bad for your parents to stay over if conditions get too bAd?
I take it you don't have winter tyres on the car? If so then no problem.

Original poster
fullofregrets · 04/02/2012 10:09

It's more the fact it is due to freeze afterwards! There are also two steep hills on the road. It depends if it has been treated or not. It wasn't last year and a lot of people had to abandon their cars.

No snow yet, heavy snow forecast from 3pm. Parents would stop if was very bad but would inconvenience them as they have pets.

OP posts:
lesley33 · 04/02/2012 10:12

And tbh I would be annoyed if I was your friend. I had a friend like this who said she couldn't come to an event at a friends house in the country because of snow. On the small lanes to and from friends house there was probably half a cm of slushy snow. Really nothing to make an issue of.

I do think some people worry too much about this kind of stuff. Deep snow fine. But at the moment you don't even know if there is going to be any snow.

PippiL · 04/02/2012 10:15

If it has snowed, yanbu.

Leave it to see how the weather is first.

But unless you have a 4x4 it will not be very safe. I hate people who bang on about how they havent let the snow affect them blah blah. But if something goes wrong it will cost the emergency services loads, and possibly cost your safety.

When the weather is bad, there is a reason they advise people to stay at home!

Ps in the frost a couple of weeks ago I saw 3 cars in ditches on my way to work, and my colleague had a car slam into here sideways totalling her car and keeping her off work for over 2 weeks.

Safety first.

pepperrabbit · 04/02/2012 10:17

See, I'm the other way. I have people coming tonight from places it's forecast to snow and it'll snow here from 6pm ish apparently.
I'd rather know now if they're not coming as before we spend a fortune on food!
Everyone has to make their own decision and tbh the closest people may well have the most difficult journey.
I SHALL be cross if they ring at 6 and say they're not coming.

Original poster
fullofregrets · 04/02/2012 10:18

Thanks, I think that is what I will do. Wait and see.

No four wheeled drive, an automatic rear wheeled car! Not great in bad weather!

OP posts:
asiatic · 04/02/2012 10:19

Travelling in snow is dangerous. Of course YANBU! How is it worth the risk of leavin your DC orphaned to avoid offending a friend????

lesley33 · 04/02/2012 10:20

pippi - Do you really think people in rural areas do not go outside when it snows or is there ice? Don't take their kids to school, go to work or go to the shops? My in laws don't have 4 by 4's. But they do drive sensibly. ime some people drive far too fast in small lanes/roads in good weather, never mind poor weather.

If my in laws didn't drive when there was snow or ice on the road, some winters they would spend 4-6 weeks housebound.

The thing is not to go out in deep snow, very icy conditions - usually only happens after a period of snow - on 1st night usually just small bit of ice - and to drive slowly and very carefully.

MissBerta · 04/02/2012 10:22

It's up to you, if you don't feel safe then your friend will have to suck it up and be gracious about it!

My sister isn't coming today because she's coming South to East on the train, the forecast is for 8-10cms of snow with travel disruption, it's a shame because we were looking forward to it but we're adults and disappointment happens, but better to be safe than sorry.

ENormaSnob · 04/02/2012 10:25

fullofregrets, put something heavy in your boot to put pressure on the rear axel.

I had to do this when driving a bmw in the snow.

callmemrs · 04/02/2012 10:26

Of course you won't want to travel if it's actually dangerous. But generally people do tend to get worked up about a hint of snow in this country. Rain, sleet, hard frosts... They are all perfectly normal February weather. The country would grind to a half if everyone took the view that they can't get out. Obviously if there is a massive snowfall then that's different but the forecasts I've seen aren't predicting anything on that scale yet

ChippyMinton · 04/02/2012 10:27

YANBU. But you need to decide now rather than leave her in the lurch until the last minute.

I'm taking DD to my parents for the afternoon, but will be dashing back without staying for dinner if a single flake falls. They live on a hill and always get snow, if I stay I could still be there on Monday Hmm.

MissBerta · 04/02/2012 10:28

Heavy snow is forecast for the East from 3pm.

You also have to think of your parents travelling home.

PosieParker · 04/02/2012 10:31

I am off to a massive Indian engagement party, I'm Bristol it''s in Cardiff. If it snows we're not goingSad....four course dinner of the finest Indian food, 250 guests.....

[drools][weeps]

LondonMumsie · 04/02/2012 10:32

I think you should only do what you are comfortable with. I grew up somewhere with no snow. I am not skilled at all in driving in the snow. Luckily I have a Serbian neighbour who takes it in her stride and has all the right gear, so she helps us get to school, etc, in snowy conditions.

In last year's snow there were two crashes outside our window in a space of ten minutes! We are on a teeny side street which was not treated and basically became ice and has a funny camber to it which kind of makes you slide in a particular direction. Someone who lived on the main road (four doors away) would have been in a safer position to go places than us. So it is not fair to judge on other people's choices.

If you HAD to make the journey that's one thing, but I think you are quite fair to reconsider just for a party.

lesley33 · 04/02/2012 10:32

echo callmemrs - And actually I think, not only do people over react to snow, they under react to more dangerous weather. I think hard driving raid can be more dangerous to drive in, but I have never heard anybody say they won't drive somewhere when it is predicted to rain very very hard.

Whereas I have pulled over and waited say 40 minutes for hard driving rain to stop before continuing.

Hassled · 04/02/2012 10:34

I'm off out tonight but it's only a 10 minute walk. A 10 minute walk in the snow carrying a Pavlova - should be fun Hmm.

How many people are going? Is it going to be a big deal to your friend if one person doesn't show, or will it just be one out of many and so not really noticed, IYSWIM?

Fireandashes · 04/02/2012 10:43

One person's "fine to drive" is another person's "don't feel comfortable driving in this". In the OP's case there is also her parents and their pets to take into account.

If I were OP I think I'd ring the friend now and cancel - everyone knows where they stand and no-one is on tenterhooks wondering if the weather is going to get worse. During the call I'd offer to take the friend out for lunch on another day to celebrate her birthday together after the event.

GypsyMoth · 04/02/2012 10:47

The weather warnings are being issued for a reason.

ENormaSnob · 04/02/2012 10:48

I really wouldn't ask my grandaparents/parents to drive in adverse weather conditions just so I could go out.

MissBerta · 04/02/2012 10:59

Why are people getting slightly arsey about other people's choices.

We're all adults, we do what we feel comfortable doing.