wwyd mental health

[whoknowsnotme]

Hello, prob the wrong section but here gets the most traffic so thought id post here, perhaps it might do me good to get a virtual slap!
Im pretty sure i have got some sort of mental health problem. I cant quite put my finger on what i think i have so is prob easier if i wright a list of strange things i do...

1. some days i dont go out because i feel so ugly, other days i feel great
2. i am extremely paranoid about doing things in the house as i am genuinely concerned there may be cameras watching me

3.i spend hours feeling sick worrying about the most ridiculous things (last night i stayed up panicking that there wer pins in the moses basket with the baby in it. there definatly wasnt as i had checked already) 4.i sometimes dont open the curtains for days

1. on the rare occasion i shower, i spend the whole time panicking that im going to get stabbed and killed
2. i have many sleepless nights panicking about developing cancer, what would dd do, how would i tell everyone
3. i cry all the time at the thought of dh dyeing, being at his funeral ect. if id even be able to speak (there is nothing wrong with him health wise)
4. i panic and feel sick at the thought of my dh going out in the car without me at night as im convinced he is going to crash and die

These are just some of the things. now if im honest although it sounds very very strange my life, it doesnt really impact it in anyway! if you knew me you would never know iyswim. iv always got my make up done, dd is excelling (hv words) shes happy healthy, loved, properly taken care of ect and im very happily married to dh. so given that it doesnt ddebilitate my life in anyway except for stressing me out. is it worth going to gp when a) i woulndnt take any pills b) i really dont like or trust them really to talk about this with.

other than the above im actually a very happy functioning person! :) its just isolated things! but in my possition wwyd?

OKayyyyy

I lie in bed at night some nights and wonder if I will wake up in the morning..

I look in the mirror, see a spot and wonder if it is skin cancer

I worry that the dog is ill if he doesnt eat his food

I lie in bed planning what my funeral song would be.. and sometimes I wonder what I would play for my husband if he died.....

If i have to drive anywhere long distance.. i have a mini panic before going.. I have visions of my car in a pile up on the motorway....

I listen to songs and sometimes think... "i would love that played at my funeral"

Does that sound familiar?

I would say most of us have those macabre thoughts... it is quite normal.. I would say it is phases that we all go through.. and sometimes it all seems a bit worse... it passes, and we go back to the phase of just getting on with life...

I am probably not helping much here.,. but just wanted to reassure you that you are not alone, you are not losing the plot, and we all have times like this...

Whoknows, it seems to me that you may have a touch of PND. I spent the first eighteen months of my dd's life cowering from the devil in the corner of the living room and feeling utterly utterly paranoid about leaving my dd in the bedroom because I thought someone would break in. Looking at me and dd, you would not have been able to tell.
I didn't like the GP's I was registered with so I actually changed practices in order to be able to tell someone.
What you do is up to you but I know from experience that life is so much better without the paranoia etc.

Well actually I think the worst thing when you are feeling like this is for people to say yes, it's normal, everyone feels this way, so I won't. How old is your baby? Is pnd a possibility because it does sound like it, if not pnd then you do sound very very anxious.

Honestly being so paranoid that you do not open the curtains, you think people will stab you in the shower, sleepless nights worrying about illness. THIS IS NOT NORMAL sorry for the capitals, but get yourself to the GP forthwith.

No matter if you won't take medication, they may be able to help with counselling. For me when I was in the depths of pnd and honestly felt a lot of the things you describe I did take medication, although I did go through about 3 before I found one that actually worked. The one that worked was an old style anti depressant called Dosulepin, I took it at night and it helped me sleep, plus balanced my moods, all importantly it seemed to lessen the obsessive thoughts and quieten the anxiety a little. Honestly I was in a right mess and finding the right AD did help a lot, I didn't even take it for long, about 3 months. Btw people observing me would have had no idea that I even had pnd in the first place.

This was enough to just calm my thoughts down and ground me in reality again.

This has nothing to do with your ability as a Mother, your love for your partner etc those are not in doubt. You deserve to feel well, I'm sure the Dr will be sympathetic. When I was suffering, the worst thing I could possibly hear was that my obsessive and intrusive thoughts were normal and par for the course, when people said that I thought that I would be trapped in that situation forever .

Thanks for such honest replies!

squeaky thanks that does make me feel a little less like a crazy person! good to know im not the only one who panics about the playlist for my funeral!!

fridak i know that feeling all too well aswell! i took my poor dd with me to the toilet yesterday because i was worried the ceiling was going to collapse due to being an old house ! (just moved in)

living my baby is 12 weeks. i really dont think it is pd because alot of this was going on before dd was born, its just kind of intensified as now i have more to lose iyswim? counsilling might be worth ago instead of pills i think... ill def have to do fridak's trick and register with a different gp so they wont recognise me!

I seem to recall switching GP's is not as easy as it used to be. I switched because a)I did not like the locum who I kept on seeing instead of my actual gp (who I never actually met and b) there was never any guaruntee of seeing the same person anyway.
If your scared of being recoignised, then just remember mental health problems effect 1 in 4 people. It is just as valid to get them treated as it would be to seek treatment if your leg dropped off.

Couldn't read and not answer. It is difficult to know from just a post but some of what you say is worrying though it sounds reassuring that it doesn't affect a lot of your life... However...

How long has it been going on for as how much of a problem it is will depend on that. Also is it getting worse? Is that why you've posted now?

• if its only been a problem for weeks, particularly if its since your baby has been born, then get to a GP asap tomorrow, emergency appointment if there aren't any others. Do not be fobbed off. I don't mean to frighten you but you really really need to talk to them asap and take whatever advice they give you.
• if its been more than several months then I'd still see the GP within the week though its likely to be slightly less urgent and I'd be inclined to wait a few days if you think you're more likely to see someone who you might be able to talk to a little more easily. If its getting much worse then go asap.
• if its years to most of your life: less of an urgent concern and may even be something your GP can simply reassure you on and suggest some non-medication treatments, but I'd still see someone given how much it seems to affect you.

I realise that sounds a scary post but whichever of the above it is, its highly likely to be amenable to treatment of one sort of another (not just medication either).

Just read the other posts.
I'd be particularly concerned about the worries about the cameras and worrying about being stabbed in the shower. If they are the things that are new since your baby was born then GP tomorrow! Please!
Do you worry about things in a 'I know its not real but I can't help worrying' sort of way or do you worry about them in a 'I really think the cameras are there' kind of way? If that makes sense :)

I've got a severe anxiety disorder, so I understand what this is like.

If you're distressed by these thoughts (I agree with LivingDead, you do sound anxious past the point of 'normal' whatever that means), that's reason enough to see your GP about them. You might just need some counselling or brief therapy to get a handle on it, or it might need more sustained attention. But obviously none of us here can say for sure, so get thee to your GP! :)

When DS was a baby I used to hate going into to check on him at night. I obviously did because he needed me too, but I used to envisage him sitting bolt upright and snarling at me with a mouthful of sharp pointy teeth. I sort of knew he wouldn't, but it was always a possibility...

Some of what you are describing is completely normal.

If you are worried, speak to the dr.

I agree that you should see your GP, but I don't think you are a crazy person.
Squeaky is right in the sense that everyone thinks about some strange and macabre things. What sets your thoughts apart is the degree of paranoia and violence in them - the cameras in the house and the stabbing in the shower (TBH without those elements nothing you said would raise any concerns and would register easily on the 'normal' spectrum).

You sound like you're suffering from extreme anxiety, probably brought about by recently having a baby and the subsequent effect that has had on your body and mind. If you were fine before this and you're functioning well now, it is extremely likely that this will pass and you will be fine again. However, I wouldn't wait for that to happen naturally as things could get worse before getting better and why put yourself through that? Extreme anxiety can be cripping.

Please don't worry about a GP/HV's reaction. Nothing you have said here would raise any concerns about your ability to care for your DD (indeed, most forms of PND don't involve any risk to the baby and are more often than not about the mother's anxiety about herself and her abilities). You wouldn't necessarily need any pills either (though you may be given a vitamin supplement if they feel your physical health is a bit low and therefore affecting your MH). IF you really can't face the thought of getting involved in 'the system', there are also private counsellors out there who specialise in PND and/or anxiety.

You are not crazy and you will be fine, but please accept some help. There is no shame in it. It is the sign of an intelligent and capable adult to seek out help with something that is causing difficulty and cannot be overcome without assistance.

Echo what people are saying above. What you are experiencing is normal anxiety/obssessive thoughts that could be part of PND. This can start as antenatal depression or it may have been something you have struggled with all your life that has been exacerbated by having a baby which is very stressful. I would imagine that your sleep is not great at the moment which probably doesn't help either.
You are not going mad but you do need to get help, there is no shame in this and you shouldnt have to change GP surgery to get the correct help unless your distrust is too great. Could you confide in your health visitor also? They are bound by confidentiality and will have also seen this a million times over.
Don't be fobbed off, tell them exactly whats been happening. They should give you options for treatment including talking therapy if available in your area.
It is not good enough to merely exist in life, especially at a time when you should be enjoying bonding with your baby.
Please dont underestimate a bit of practical help too and time for yourself to relax. Caring for a baby tends to turn 24/7 and we forget about ourselves, can dh go on baby duty for an hr a day to allow you an allotted relaxation space? A hot bubble bath or a relaxation cd (I find these very helpful). Also exercising 3 x week for 20 mins is said to have equal effect to an antidepressant (google for more info).
Good Luck but please seek help x

Imo what you should be thinking about is not whether these feelings carry this or that label but about how much they impact on your life (and/or that of your baby). And by the sounds of it they do: being unable to get up or shower or do basic jobs about the house is a massive impact.

If you had a physical illness that had the same effect you would be down to the GP at once.

Shouldn't really be any different because it is not a physical illness: the effect is as bad and there will be things a doctor can do.

OK- the paranoia and thoughts about cameras,pins in bed, ceiling collapsing etc would point towards quite bad PND, probably with some psychosis.
If you really don't want to talk to your GP, talk to your health visitor, urgently. In most areas these days, there is a Mother and Infant Mental Health Service (MIMS) that will deal with problems like yours very efficiently. Without help, it may get worse. As someone said upthread, it can start quite some time before the actual birth, so that does not exclude PND.

Why would you refuse to take medication, though??? If you had an infection, would you refuse antibiotics?

Yes agree go to the GP I too am a worrier but this goes beyond tht.

But please, do not go with a closed mind regarding medication. It may or may not be what you need, but there is no more shame in pills to sort out say your serotonin balance and pills to sort out your thyroid balance.

Just wondering how you are op? Did you see GP today?

A lot of what you describe is how I felt when I was depressed and anxious. I used to get hung up on daft things and quite often created situations such as the time I was sure I had sent my daughter to a birthday party with a pair of scissors wrapped in the present (I hadn't) or the time I tore the whole house apart as I was certain we had fleas (we didn't). The not getting washed, not opening blinds and thinking people are watching you all ring a bell too. If I were you I would go to my GP as soon as I got the right medication I started to feel better and sometimes look back in amazement that that irrational and fearful person was me. Please look into some form of help you can improve this situation. All the best.

Sounds bit like my ocd .please check here to see if you can identify some things. My ocd got a lot worse while I was pregnant.
If you are worried you should see your gp. Itrusive thoughts are horrible and it can be really difficult to do normal day to day stuff. Good luck

Might be a 'General Anxiety Disorder' and meds might help but so might Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

I was diagnosed with this when I was pregnant, think I always had it but it got worse than I was pregnant because you spend so much time worrying about the health of your unborn child because you can't see them. I then had a really difficult birth when we both nearly died and I had PTSD.

I didn't take meds but i did have group therapy and some CBT and they were very effective. Speak to your HV or doctor

Go straight to your GP. HV can be very hit and miss, and whatever they write on your records cannot be altered, no matter how rubbish their qualifications or experience may be.

It's been a brilliant thing to do, to 'type it out loud' on here. You're not alone. However, the next step is to go and see a GP, preferably one that you like and/or have seen before. I think some of what you're describing falls into the general category of abhorrent thoughts (pretty common, imo.) But some of the rest may not be, sounds like it's impacting on you quite strongly. You're obviously not entirely comfortable, go see the doctor! Good luck!

OP, it's called anxiety. Anxiety is normal but sometimes we can feel too much of it. It's really common for people to feel overly anxious, and the good news is that it can be helped a great deal. I'd suggest talking to your GP and request referral for CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy - lots of info on google).

And remember - a thought is just a thought. You can acknowledge that you're having it but you don't have to give it any weight or believe it.

Favourite saying of mine - You can't stop birds flying over your head, but you can stop them nesting in your hair.

The pins in the bed thing sounds very like a friend of mine who has OCD. Do you ever worry when leaving the house, that you haven't turned the gas off/locked the door?

But yeah, it could all be bundled up in an anxiety thing - definitely worth talking to your GP.

Def see GP, or else your health visitor : these kind of thoughts can happen with pregnancy and having a baby .....probably due to the physical and hormonal changes . They'll be able to help you and your baby , dont worry If medecines are prescribed ,they may well only be temporary, Remember they'll all want the best for you and your baby!

Hi again, Thank you all very much for support and suggestions! sorry it takes me so long to reply, i can never seem to get to the computer in the day time! I have had cognitive therapy whilst pregnant, i was asked if i would consider coming back as she thought i had more issues that she could help with but i just stopped after having dd :(

I dont actually know why i am against taking medication, it just seems like i am makeing a mountain out of a mole hill, sort of like an over reaction. I do (but have done all my life, so not new) get extremely anxious in everyday situations and have made myself quite unwell with it.

I think the main reason im starting to wonder about it now is that i dont want my weird behavior to rub of onto dd. Although i cant complain about mylife really, i know that i have had some very very low points and its not something i want to inflict on her.

I really dont think it is pnd tho tbh! my relationship with dd is perfect and if anything my mood seems to have lifted an awful lot since she arrived, plus the fact that it has been going on for years rather than just whilst pg.

Plus, i know i shouldn't and i cant explain why, but i would feel very embarrassed/ashamed if i was told it was a mental illness/depression. i know thats awful and its strange because i would never think anything at all about somebody else having and i would use the same analogy about going to the doctor for antibiotics for a cold is the same as meds for mental health. sorry... im babbling now but hopefully you get what im trying to say...

just to add, today i was walking along the pathway on the side of a very busy road and a man was walking towards me and the first thought that popped in my head was, "i hope he doesn't throw me into the road" and i started to panic a little that this man was actually just gunna chuck me infront of the cars! but then we passed eachother and nothing happen so felt abit releived, even tho i kinda knew nothing was going to happen! Its these kind of thoughts that i d like to stop really!