To think my daughter should be potty trained by now

[McHappyPants2012]

She is 2 years 8 months ( not that age is important)

She tells me she has done a wee or a poo or takes her nappy off and has an accident on the floor.

I have tried everything to get her on the potty or toilet but she will not even sit on them

Is she a little bit potty/toilet phobic?

We got round this with DD1 buy building up the amount of time she spent just sitting on the potty. If she wanted to watch telly she sat on the potty to do it (we bought her a v comfortable potty with a padded seat ). I would get her to sit on it while I read to her for ages. Not necessarily undressed, just sitting on it.

Did that for a couple of months before starting potty training and she was trained within a few days.

No, I reckon you're BU, sorry. Potty 'training' clicks for each child at a different age and the worst thing you can do is push the issue and create longer term problems. When they're ready, they will 'get' it and never look back.

dd1 didn't start potty training until 2.11
she cracked wees within a week, and poos another week later.

some of her peers who started at 18mo-2 were much less reliable at 3.

Perhaps I should just relax, but it is frustrating

My dd is nearly 3 and very hit and miss with potty training. Sometimes she tells me, sometimes she poos/wees on the floor... frustrating but we'll get there one day.

I would say wait a while - my DS1&2 weren't trained until 3 1/2, DS4 took to it like duck to water at just 2. DS3 somewhere in between. Every child is different. Maybe if you just forget about it for a while and just clear up the accidents (frustrating and horrible as they are) things will improve.

BTW - IMHO potty training is MOST awful part of child rearing to date (my eldest 2 are now 6) but chilling out about it is only way to deal with

My DD is 3.5 and still struggling. It's frustrating.

Yes just chill. Let her do it in her own time, I thought neither of mine would ever be potty trained but they both are now although my 3.7yo still has infrequent accidents.

Children who train late, IME, decide for themselves when they will do it. Just tell yourself you are going to wait for the summer when she can wear dresses and no knickers at home and it will all be so much easier. I bet she'll do it herself before then anyway.

There is a phase of awareness where they know the wees/poos are coming etc. But this does not mean they have the ability to control those muscles and be effectively toilet trained.

Maybe your child is aware of the sensations, but not able to yet control the muscles into actually releasing at a particular moment, or holding until they get to toilet/potty.

Mine children were all over 3.5yrs, and we did it in a week... they were completely ready. If you try it too early then it leads to weeks/months of accidents, tears, frustration on all sides.

Don't stress, it will happen.

There is no hurry. Just revisit it in a few m

My two are over 3 and not trained. They are showing more signs of being ready, but I don't really want to stress myself about it.

Just chill.

I never even tried potty training until they were around 3.
DS1 holds the record - he 'got it' within 24 hrs; reliably dry day and night .
The others took a bit longer and had some accidents; DS3 is almost 4 and still has a nappy on at night.

Lower your expectations, don't stress - by the time she's 16 she will be entirely continent and self-toiletting .

Oops. Revisit it in a few months. I am a great advocate of training 'late' because I don't see the point in doing it early. Ds did it in 24 hours at 2.10 years. Some think this is too old, but I think I left it until he was really ready and so it worked. He's also been dry at night since that day (one accident in five months)

Relax and do it in the Warner weather.

Or the warmer weather even!

if you think she is aware enough about it that she could be trained, have you tried bribery? if she is genuinely ready then bribery will work, otherwise if it doesnt maybe she is not quite ready try again in another month?

DS2 did similar from about 2 and a half, he would tell you he was doing something - even in advance of doing it, but he didn't use the toilet/potty and had accidents when we tried him in pants.

We gave up and waited - then at 3y2mo he suddenly announced one morning that he was going to wear pants. He had accidents for 4 days, and then was dry/clean (apart from once when he didn't get there in time as he was strapped into his highchair and we were in the kitchen).

Within 3 weeks of first wearing pants he was completely out of nappies - at nights as well - and I think has only had about 3 accidents since. I had no idea potty training could be so easy!

Seriously, just wait - it is SO much easier when they are ready!

I thought you were going to say she was five and going to school in pull ups. Don't panic. That's not hugely late to make the move to pants.

You could try the pants/cold turkey method where you stick pants on them, stick or bribe them onto the toilet or potty every 30 mins or so, make an enormous fuss when you get a wee in, HUGE fuss, sticker on spangly chart, chocolate, toy, fondue set - whatever. If they pee in their pants you ask them to help pop them in soapy bucket, no fuss.

If after a few days you're wiping up more pee than is going in the toilet then leave it for a few months.

I did this with DS1 who was happy to sit in poo and wee and never wanted to go near a potty, no curiousity, mostly resistance but with a firm switch to pants, job lot of choc coins from the internet and some bob the builder pants we bribed him basically to give it a try and he clicked after about three days, dry within a fortnight and was away. He was even dry at night within a month or so too, but that bit is down to luck and genetics.

I could have waited for him to give me signs but I strongly believed he needed a nudge.

Take a chill pill. Have another go in the April, when the weather is warmer and she's wearing fewer layers and it's easier to wash and dry clothes quickly. Who said they have to be doing X by Y years?

dd wasnt trained at 2.8, firstly because I was massively pregnant and couldnt fit into downstairs loo and shortly afterwards had a breastfed newborn to deal with.

started when she was 2.11 and she was dry straightaway.

when other mums say "oh my ds/dd was trained at 12 months/ 18 months/ 2 years" what they don't tell you is that they were cleaning up accidents 24/7 until the child was PROPERLY ready, whenever that was.

Some children walk at nine months and other children walk at 18 months. Both extremes are normal and the age that a child is potty trained varies as much.

Ds was three years and 3 months (both day and night) and dd was 2 years and 7 months (both day and night) when potty trained. Its a matter of brain development and understanding and its almost like a switch.

Wait until the summer. Everything dries so much more easily and its less stress on everyone.

My little girl is 2 years 8 months too. Very bright etc. she decided last weekend it was time to sit on the toilet. She was not interested at all in a potty etc. I was not too bothered but was getting nagging from my mum that she should be toilet trained by now etc. I didnt let it bother me one bit and now tah-da in practically five days she has decided for herself and I am very very happy and glad I was chilled about the whole thing as its been so natural and easy :)

"If you try it too early then it leads to weeks/months of accidents, tears, frustration on all sides."

Meh, what a load of old tosh. Started my DD at 10 months, as part of her daily routine. Very happy to sit there and have a story read to her or be sung a song. It's just part of her day, and she communicates to me with grunts and pointing if she needs to go. At 16 months she's fully cooperative, 90% of poos and wees on the potty. She wakes up dry, toddles over to the potty, I put her on, she does her business, and she's off again. She's just a normal toddler. Smart enough to learn to walk, learn to talk, learn to feed herself and yep, smart enough to learn to use a toilet.

My generation were all trained before 2, and it worked. Millions of kids in poor countries can control their bowels by 2, so I'm not sure why kids in the US, the UK and the developed worlds somehow can't...? 'Leaving it late' is a marketing idea dreamed up by Pampers, Huggies and the like to get you lot to buy more plastic nappies. I can't believe that so many people have bought into the mass-marketing lies. You've all fallen for it hook, line and sinker.

Sorry to be stroppy, but this just gets on my goat. I hear it time and time again, that kids can't control their bowels. Load of rubbish.

HTH.

PS. I'm not cleaning up accidents. I wash the occasional nappy, though, usually when we've gone out somewhere and I haven't got a potty/toilet nearby to put her on.