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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that the woman upstairs probably shouldn't have had three kids?

71 replies

squareheadcut · 02/02/2012 17:39

The upstairs woman has 3 kids under 5 - oldest child is five years old, the younger boy is 2 and she's just had a newborn girl. Her five year old goes to the same school as my boy so now she's had the new girl, I've been abit lumbered and take her boy to school in the mornings.

I didn't mind at first, but not sure if it will ever end now as i miss the one to one chats abit with my boy in the morning, and her boy is not the nicest boy, he teases and answers back and he is not articulate at all - he can hardly explain himself at all which makes me think he doesn't get talked to much and he never has breakfast in the morning. they live in a 2 bed flat.

i was just thinking today that i'm a single parent of one and i put all my effort into him and he's a lovely sociable boy - but who knows how they'll turn out in the end, i guess we just can never tell ... i feel abit bad about writing all this stuff about her now - i should just have more kids myself and stop thinking about others ... you can say AIBU because i think i am .

OP posts:
sheepgomeep · 03/02/2012 14:20

I think this is why Ive had 4dc.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 03/02/2012 15:06

i was an only child, just used to go and stay at my friends house nearly every night (she had a brother and sister) Must have annoyed her mum loads! Mind you it can't have too much as we are all still friends 30 years later and her mum is friends with my mum still.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 03/02/2012 15:06

sheepgomeep, sorry you felt lonely back then, I didnt mean to sound insensitive, but dashed off my post before reading yours properly.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 03/02/2012 15:07

i also had cousins we would stay with in the holidays so that is probably why I didnt miss brothers and sisters, i can see it would be different if you didnt.

sheepgomeep · 03/02/2012 17:15

I think being an only child can be fine but you need to have an extended family to fill in the gaps. I didn't have that and I think thats why I struggled with being an only

callmemrs · 03/02/2012 17:19

It may well be that her children might be happier, better stimulated and better looked after if she had limited her family. But it's not really your judgement to make.

The school issue is a separate one. If you don't want to take her kid to school every day then say so. You don't owe it to her. It might be a neighbourly thing to do in the short term but I don't blame you for not wanting it permanently

mrsjay · 03/02/2012 17:49

Dont take the boy simple as , Im sure if you have anymore children then you may struggle a little , doesnt mean your neighbour shouldnt have children , I think she is grateful a person she thought was neighbourly is helping out with her son , but you are moaning ot thinkingout loudmaybe
once she is in a better routine she will go herself with her boy .

Original poster
squareheadcut · 20/03/2012 21:37

Firawla is right - when you say i wouldn't say all that to her face , which is why i posted it here to vent. I am still taking her son to school and it's fine, i don't mind really, and yes i would like to have more kids myself but no man will come near me so it's probably a bit of jealousy on my part. she's a lovely neighbour and she is really grateful and she helped me out one morning with my son - there are issues with her son though - he is not used to being listened to and talked to but i try and chat with him as much as poss on the walk to school, also he told me his mom thinks the devil's in him which was abit disturbing, he has trouble telling the truth but i think it's because he's so nervous about talking and he covers up for it by making stuff up.

OP posts:
Hoebag · 20/03/2012 22:23

you sound a bit pretentious 'my son is a lovely sociable boy' etc

maybe not everyone agrees in the big wide world, and then hopefully you will never feel the judgement you dish out on this mother.

treadwarily · 20/03/2012 22:57

I think OP you just sound as though you've had enough of taking the child to school which is understandable. She has phoned you to say thanks and you are doing something really helpful, maybe you just needed a bit of a pat on the back on a not-so-good day. You will be making a big difference to her life because she will be v busy and tired.

About how many children she has, I think that was probably a comment you made when feeling off and on a better day it wouldn't cross your mind. No?

Angeleena · 21/03/2012 00:22

Have a think about what you really want - maybe take neighbour's DC 3 times a week or something.

Certainly after the summer decide if you want to continue with this or no.

Perhaps you can do 3 days and she can take yours one day (after summer that is)?

Decide what you want and suggest it.

Starwisher · 21/03/2012 04:17

You have no idea how horrendous the school run is with a newborn OP. Especially after no sleep.

Honestly, you are helping this woman out more than you know.

HintofBream · 21/03/2012 06:51

His mother thinks the devil's in him
Given the recent case of the child being tortured and murdered for being a 'witch' doesn't this ring very loud alarm bells?

duckdodgers · 21/03/2012 06:53

Re taking him to school, first you say its a problem and now it isnt Confused

If it is a problem then you can say no you know.

OriginalJamie · 21/03/2012 06:59

I think that there are some who should have stopped at 1, 2, 3, or whatever children, because they are struggling to give good enough parenting to their existing children. There are some who are great with babies and crap with children

No idea if the OPs neighbour is one of them. It is very early days. I found 2 under 5 hard enough, 3 must be very very very hard.

OriginalJamie · 21/03/2012 07:02

and squarecut - you sound concerned about the child, to me

Heswall · 21/03/2012 08:22

She is lucky to have to you to help out and imagine the impact you are having on that little boy, I bet he looks forward to going to school with you every morning for some 1 to 1 attention and kind positive words that set him up for the day.
If the mother really is struggling you have a wonderful opportunity to touch the life of another and make a difference to that child.
People throw money into charity collection tins not knowing where that cash has gone and what it's been used for, here you have a real live person who you could give a bit of breakfast to, tell him he's great and you could turn his life around as a result. Lucky you and what a great example to your child.

Heswall · 21/03/2012 08:23

Oh and three under 5's is very hard, I shouldn't have done it but I did, wouldn't wish it on anybody you have to be a special person to cope.

bronze · 21/03/2012 08:35

When I had my third I also have a 20 mth old and a 40 mth old and
I relied on my friends and neighbours hugely. But guess what, I had my reasons for it and my lovely friends didn't judge me for it.
It's called life ansd we never quite know how things are going to be.
For a while during that period my 20 mth old wouldn't talk to me at all 9incredibly upsetting), he's now 7 and has just won a scholarship (no stealth about that one) . You can't judge on the snapshot you get of someones life.

If you don't want to take her son then tell her but please don't judge her behind her back, this isn't just venting imo it's a bit two faced. Having said that you've been doing it so far so you must be a nice enough sort of person Smile

bronze · 21/03/2012 08:38

~I also had

quirrelquarrel · 21/03/2012 08:47

No one, upstairs or otherwise, should have three kids. So YANBU...

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