Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

AIBU to think that the woman upstairs probably shouldn't have had three kids?

71 replies

squareheadcut · 02/02/2012 17:39

The upstairs woman has 3 kids under 5 - oldest child is five years old, the younger boy is 2 and she's just had a newborn girl. Her five year old goes to the same school as my boy so now she's had the new girl, I've been abit lumbered and take her boy to school in the mornings.

I didn't mind at first, but not sure if it will ever end now as i miss the one to one chats abit with my boy in the morning, and her boy is not the nicest boy, he teases and answers back and he is not articulate at all - he can hardly explain himself at all which makes me think he doesn't get talked to much and he never has breakfast in the morning. they live in a 2 bed flat.

i was just thinking today that i'm a single parent of one and i put all my effort into him and he's a lovely sociable boy - but who knows how they'll turn out in the end, i guess we just can never tell ... i feel abit bad about writing all this stuff about her now - i should just have more kids myself and stop thinking about others ... you can say AIBU because i think i am .

OP posts:

charliesweb · 02/02/2012 18:06

I had a newborn, a 2 year old and a 4 year old who started school 2 months after the baby was born. I really struggled and one thing that really helped was my lovely friend who took my son to school each morning. I am still so grateful for her kindness. Not only did it help me, but it helped my son who had a calm start to school each morning. I collected her daughter at lunch time on the days she worked and dropped her nursery. Now my newborn is a school going 4 year old himself and life is still madness but my pnd has gone. I had no idea how hard I would find having 3 tiny children and couldn't have predicted the affects of pnd.

rubyslippers · 02/02/2012 18:06

It's a weird extrapolation you have made OP

canihavesome · 02/02/2012 18:07

When I had my 3rd I was really ill for weeks and DH was working awful shifts and a group of parents at school set up a rota to take my eldest every morning for 6 weeks. It was amazing.

My baby was ill too and he is completely non verbal at 3 and I can assure you its not because he doesn't get talked to although he doesn't eat breakfast, not sure how that is affecting his speech. It is because he was brain damaged at birth, not really badly, just badly enough to make everything a struggle for him.

HintofBream · 02/02/2012 18:24

I still don't understand the relevance, or sense, of the OP deciding to have some more children herself.

welliesandpyjamas · 02/02/2012 18:30

Why does the number of bedrooms matter, though?

sheepgomeep · 02/02/2012 18:35

i was extremely unhappy growing up as an only child.

OtterNonsense · 02/02/2012 18:38

I have been in the situation where I've had someone else's child to take to school. It started as a one-off to help out another mum, and before I knew it , it was nearly every day. It's a difficult situation. On the one hand, you want to help people out, on the other hand, you can feel taken for granted and resent missing out on that one-to-one time with your own child.

I think you should explain to your neighbour that you are happy to help from time to time, but you don't want to feel you have to be responsible for someone else's child every day.

lostboysfallin · 02/02/2012 18:41

How mean?!

TheSecondComing · 02/02/2012 18:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sheepgomeep · 02/02/2012 18:42

yeah I'm looking at my unsociable, unhappy inarticulate FOURTH dc... NOT.

She's the happiest out the lot (and the easiest so far)

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 02/02/2012 18:46

If the couple are paying for their own children then you have no business saying that they shouldn't have had so many. Its up to them if they can afford it.

Just stop taking her child to school all the time. You clearly don't want to, (nor would I as I find school runs fantastic times for chatting) so just don't. Tell her that you would prefer to have the time to talk to your child. She probably wont understand because she probably doesnt have much one to one time with her children, but that's her problem.

Firawla · 02/02/2012 18:48

yabu op your initial post sounds quite bitchy and judgy, without much grounds at all really its just presumption on your part eg that she nevers talks to him, may not be the case! 3 kids is not a ridiculous number and nor are hers even that close together so what is the problem. it comes across that you are jealous cos you would have liked more, so you are just running her down to make yourself feel better! if you dont want to take her son to school then dont but yabu to make such comments as she shouldnt have had her dc, im sure you wouldn't say that to her face how horrible!

AKissIsNotAContract · 02/02/2012 18:51

Judging by your posts, I don't think you have any right to say a 5 year old is inarticulate.

zzzzz · 02/02/2012 18:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArielNonBio · 02/02/2012 18:54

Bit late now isn't it? The children are here. What's the use in saying that?

NorthernWreck · 02/02/2012 19:58

sheepgomeep-what was it that made being a singleton child so awful (anxious parent of a singleton asking so be gentle!)

HillyWallaby · 03/02/2012 03:21

YANBU for not wanting to have to take her child to school every day. Her children, her responsibility, and yes it's hard getting them all out of the door on time, but you know...tough.

However YABU to think that it is relevant whether he is as articulate or as clever and polite as your own son (of course he's not. How could he be? ) and it's a bit off judging/speculating on whether she has crap parenting skills because of it. And it is totally irrelevant that they live in a two bed flat. I'm really not sure wht you told us that.

However, as it really is no skin off your nose to take him most of the time, I'd think carefully beofre you stop doing it. I'm sure it won't be forever, and as a single mum you never know when you might the one who needs the urgent favour and have no on-one else to turn to but her.

HillyWallaby · 03/02/2012 03:25

And if you find it difficult to just say no, then why don't you suggest that you do alternate days?

Kiwiinkits · 03/02/2012 04:02

oh come on, EVERYBODY judges other people's kids and finds them lacking...

(don't they?)

It's hardly news that non-SN kids who are inarticulate are so because they've not been read to/talked to/involved in one-on-one play. Teachers, scientists, experts, Sir Robert Winston: they've all been saying it for years. The OP is just expressing what most of us think, but don't dare say. Stop being so high and mighty MN, when you know that deep down some kids are better parented than others. Some kids are shits, some aren't, and it's 80% to do with parenting. Some people really shouldn't have more kids, you know it, I know it, the Police know it, Social Services know it, but it's the truth that daren't speak its name.

Can't comment on the lady upstairs, but I'd give her a break until her baby is a bit older. You never know, you may need a favour from her one day. You might need to be rushed to hospital or something, and need someone to take your kid for the night.

HillyWallaby · 03/02/2012 04:48

I completely agree - comparing other's children to your own and finding them lacking is a perfectly normal/acceptable activity - I am just not sure the OP should be bringing it up in the context of the thread! Whether or not he is or isn't articulate compared to her child is totally irrelevant to whether she should be taking him to school or not.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 03/02/2012 07:25

Kiwiinkits - kids who have a speech disorder causing them to be inarticulate don't wear s badge so its hard to know what the cause of speech delay is, so you really shouldn't jump in and blame parenting.

Also, encouraging OP to bitch about the woman on here but keep her sweet in case she needs s favour hardly drips the milk of human kindness

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 03/02/2012 07:26

I keep typing 's' instead of 'a', must have been poorly parented.

D0G · 03/02/2012 07:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Firawla · 03/02/2012 10:55

not necessarily kiwii i have one very articulate & one with speech delay, they have been parented the same.. children do vary its not just a case of: child cant talk = crap mum

sheepgomeep · 03/02/2012 14:19

Northernwreck I just felt so lonely I had no one to play with a lot of the time as my parents were over anxious and strict and I wasnt allowed out a lot and my mum used to make my friends feel uncomfortable when they did come round.

My mum also had 2 boys from a previous relationship but they lived with thier dad so I never saw them either from the age of five (long story)

My mum also had mental heath issues and I bore the brunt of her temper, her moods, her strictness. Dont get me wrong I was very much loved and wanted and never neglected but i felt all the focus was on me and I had no one to share it with at home.

I think it has affected me as an adult, I feel very on my own all the time, I am very independent and have been since I moved out, I like my own space and company.

I think that my situation was to do with my parents themselves rather than being a singleton iyswim. But most of the singletons I speak to (not all) wish they had brothers or sisters. I always felt their was something missing from our family. But then again I had no cousins, aunts, uncles (bar 1) and after the age of 12 only one alive grandparent (and she is vile to me and my mum)

The first time I ever saw anyone younger than me in my family was my own son. The rest of them were at least 5 + years older than me

Flip

1 2 3