to put a notice on my door....

[TandB]

...saying "Re unsolicited sales calls. There is a perfectly serviceable and entirely visible letter-box around about the level of your nose. There is therefore absolutely no reason for you to hammer repeatedly on my door, causing me to remove my nipple from the mini milking-machine that is currently sucking it in and out noisily and trek to the front door just so that you can lovingly place your business flyer directly into my milky hand. I am no more likely to purchase restored antique furniture, bespoke summer houses or ironing-board covers just because you twinkled and smiled at me while handing it over. And I am highly unlikely to purchase anything from you if you get the arse with me for pointing out said letterbox and requesting that you use it in future.

And PS The other end of the village is richer, better ironed and more partial to the antique and bespoke. Go harass them."

YANBU to put it up..

YABUnrealistic to expect them to pay any attention to it!

:)

Just a little notice then?

No Canvassers would suffice. Then just don't answer the door if they do still knock.

I can't see who is there until I open the door and the postman comes at random times so I usually assume it is him.

Why does no-one ever come selling something useful like cake?

I had 3 electricity reps knock on me the other day. 3 all just standing and intimidating me!

I said DH deals with it
I didn't even know who provides electricity etc
And they would not go until I said could they please leave and I had been quite
Clear.

I know IT'S NATURAL!!11!!!One!1 and al,l and the thread is supposed to be "humourous", but I didn't really need to picture your nipples being "sucked in and out noisily"...fgs. YABU.

' grumpy hormonal woman at home, knock at your peril '

I just tell all the electric/gas people etc that I have only just changed supplier and I CBA to change again.

Talktalk I make an exception for - I tell them exactly why I don't care how cheap they are, they are crap.

What does this mean? Aribura?

11!!!One!1 and al,l

Is it a code about nipples?

(YANBU OP).

I wonder if one can slam a door in someone's face these days, or whether that would be considered assult?

I think it must be a code about nipples. Binary, or summat.

kungfu - you can get very naice "No Hawkers Here" signs. <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=www.johndavies.org/pic-vulcan-no-hawkers.JPG&imgrefurl=www.johndavies.org/archives/2008_10_01_archive.html&h=682&w=340&sz=79&tbnid=CyKoqyeGokEnTM:&tbnh=90&tbnw=45&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dno%2Bhawkers%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=no+hawkers&docid=KJQPypuDFkGrnM&hl=en&sa=X&ei=UYQqT-reKM3Oswbm0qTWDA&sqi=2&ved=0CFMQ9QEwBQ&dur=863" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">This might suit.

I think Aribura had the shakes while holding down her shift key

Calm down Ari!

MuddyPuddles - I slammed. Albeit carefully as there is a big heavy latch which bangs against the door frame and chips the paint.

And then I flounced back into the hall, but he didn't see that bit.

And 2 two!! and 22! to you too, Aribura!

The sign in my link refers to Ballad singers as well as Hawkers. Can you imagine how annoyed you'd be if you paused BFing to answer the door to Celine Dion?

Aribura

I don't know why you're complaining. I didn't want to know about the length and girth of Jeremy Kyles cock. But I do.

Kungfu YADNBU, I just use to answer the door feeding and they still didn't take the hint I was busy.

Ooh, I like the sign, Hassled. Very tempting.

I am actually assuming that I won't be seeing him again since he was heading towards the other end of the village which is a little bit Hot Fuzz like, so he is probably entombed under the church with other "undesirables" by now.

Hope I don't develop an unexpected pressing need for restored antique furniture now.....

We used to have a notice (there when we moved in) about no salesmen etc. Every one of them knocked, and then insisted on telling me that he (and it was nearly always a he) had read it but it didn't apply to him because......

I wasn't breastfeeding, Hassled - I wouldn't have been nearly so cross about that. I was expressing, and when I get interrupted it doesn't get going again very well for some reason.

I am now most unreasonably blaming said hawker for the fact I only have 1 oz instead of my usual 4!

Honeydragon - how do you know the size of JK's cock?

[horribly fascinated]

"LOOK, JUST FUCK OFF MATE"

Pithier and more likely to be read.

i have a sticker on my door saying no buy/sell but they still knock

Bupcakes - how about you come and stand on my doorstep and actually say "LOOK, JUST FUCK OFF MATE" for me?

In exchange I will give you free access to the Jeremy Kyle double bill on ITV2. Probably no cocks on display though.....

buppers it's worse pop back to Tiggys thread I've had some horrifying info this morning!

Kungfu ...The Jezza Kyle thread end up horribly depraved, I believe some sort of Jezza sandwich involving Clarkson and Kyle was also speculated. if you're missing threads like that you are clearly not bf long enough

Clarkson and Kyle sandwich.

[throws up in mouth a little bit]

Although it could probably be made just about palateable depending on who you put in as the sandwich filling.....

I use this one I'd say it's about 90% effective, I still get the odd idiot but many fewer (or should that be less? I'm never sure and I know it upsets some of you )

we have a sign in the window which clearly says fuck off with your offers of cheap driveways you besuited apes "No buying or selling at this door"

still get 3-4 fuckwits salesmen or scrap metal buyers appearing daily, and as DH works from home, he is normally incandescent with rage by the time I get back from work.

I'm not sure the sign works tbh.

maybe a neon flashing sign that says 'OH DO FUCK OFF' and underneath 'unless you're the postman or delivering a package from amazon, in which case keep knocking please' is required?