if I write 'please don't feel obliged to bring a present' on DDs party invitations?

[LadyMontdore]

It will be her 4th birthday, about 25 + some siblings invited? Would it be mean of me?

If you would rather leave it to the parents of the other children, maybe put, 'pressies not necessary, just come along for the fun'.

That way there will be some who insist on bringing one, and others who may not have the money to get one etc. The choice can be theirs without feeling pressured or obliged.

Personally, i would still bring one!

It's a long time since I gave my DD's 4th birthday party but iirc presents were not mentioned. If I were you I would just not mention them and then be one of the lovely MNers who don't judge people by what they did/not bring.

Seems a bit tight on your daughter to discourage people from bringing them (and it may just be me but if you say 'don't feel obliged ' it may make some people feel even more obliged than they would have done iyswim!! )

We did this for our dd's 5th party - 35+. We/she chose a charity - and asked for 'some pennies' for that instead. Worked like a dream and no pile of unwanted gifts to deal with afterwards. I thoroughly recommend it when you're talking bigger numbers....and, we didn't do party bags either - piece of cake and a helium balloon....maverick!!!

Why don't you want her to have any presents??

I wouldn't put anything on the invites. Just regift/charity shop/keep for later quietly.

Thank you all!
I don't want her not to have any presents! She will have some from family and I'm sure soem people will bring presents anyway. But she really doesn't need 25 presents and I hate the thought of people feeling they have too bring one if time are tight etc. We are having a party to have fun and spend time with her friends not to gather presents! But I don't want to sound snotty either!

Maybe I'll just do that argh, like normal! Am overthinking!

I just wouldnt mention it at all...

I wouldn't. Its not your birthday. If you don't want presents for your birthday thats fine, but I can't imagine your 4 year old not wanting presents.

And yes its tat, but its her tat (that you can quietly bin/recycle/rewrap for the next few parties.

I contemplated this for DDs 5th coming up. We are still trying to disperse the Xmas mountain, without contemplating adding another 25 presents on top.

However no matter how hard we tried we couldn't find a way of phrasing it that didn't sound presumptuous. And people would bring presents anyway. I have resigned myself to the likelyhood we shall be re-gifting some (she hates girly toys anyway so any pink ones will be given up gladly)

For family presents I have been working hard on a list that isn't going to add to the teetering pile e.g. things to complete things she already has (mostly lego), DVDs, small non-plastic toys, things to plant in the garden, a day out idea etc.

I think 4 year olds like pressies. Even if it's just a pair of mittons, or ear muffs or a scalf or tights for this actic weather.

I would find it confusing if I saw this on an invitation, tbh. I still wouldn't know whether to bring a present or not. I might decide not to bring one, then I would feel awful if other people did. I hope that your friends have a bit more character than me :)

some people will bring presents anyway, and then those who don't (the children as well as the parents) will feel bad. If you really don't want her to have so many at once, put some away for e.g. summer holidays or rewrap as stocking fillers next Christmas.

" I hope that your friends have a bit more character than me"

Hey dontellimpike - don't put yourself down!

I think your instincts are bang on but writing 'don't feel obliged' will send other mums into realms of uncertainty. I know in this scenario I wouldn't risk being the person who wasn't obliged... so I reckon you'll end up with loads of gifts and people feeling confused. It's brave, but maybe commit to 'no gifts'? That said, you risk being seen as snooty and high handed any which way.

But then I'm firmly in the 'when I was a child we were lucky if we got coal' camp.

I would still bring a present even if I saw that on an invitation, it would seem odd not to. It's usual to bring a present to a child's birthday party and you don't have to spend much. I have never met a 4 or 5 year old who didn't want birthday presents.

A friend recently sent out invitations then on the 'grapevine' let it be known her DD loved arty things. Cue lots of arty presents which the mum then wheels out at playdates etc and of course most gets binned afterwards or taken home by other kids.
I considered it one of the most genius ideas I had ever heard

One of my DD's friends parents did this a couple of years ago for her party. TBH I just assumed that it was because she didn't want a whole pile of tat in her rather nice house, and so we gave her some money (only £5, which was what I'd spent on every other child who'd had a party). It was a soft play party where most parents stayed, and there was a fair amount of bitching from the other parents about how unfair it was to the child...lots had just brought a present anyway. The kids really didn't get why this child wasn't allowed any presents, quite a bit of confusion...
I'd just stick with accepting a present graciously, especially as your child will totally love all the gifts. If you don't like the stuff, give it away to charity or keep it for the school fete etc.

Dd (2) received an invitation to another 2 yr old's party last week which said no gifts necessary or suchlike. I hadn't been going to, but promptly went & bought a very cheap book (good old sainsbos bogof). Birthday boy was thrilled & as it was a book,M (a Thomas one & he's a massive fan) the mum didn't mind.

I totally get the whole not wanting a pile of shite in my house, also if everyone attends 25 of these, per child, per year, it really adds up.

I get pissed off when people on here act like trying to limit these gifts is child abuse. I also dread the idea of hosting a 25+ b'day party. I was allowed 8 max & not at 4. This seems to be a crippling new(ish) craze.

I did this at my DD's fourth birthday. We asked friends to bring their favourite photo or draw a picture instead. Of course we still got some toys, but I was really surprised by people's imaginations. DD gets much pleasure looking through her photo albums even a year on.

Exit that is a really great idea - might try that one myself!

We did have a very valid excuse - we were in the process if moving house - but I would've done this regardless. Most days I feel like we are drowning in a sea of toys.

We had this scenario a few years ago as we had a joint party for our two DSs (their birthdays are just a few weeks apart, although they are different ages).

We had invited about 40 kids - hired the village hall plus entertainer etc. - I wrote on the invites that the boys were very excited to have a huge party and just turning up was enough so don't worry about gifts. But I put in a get out clause along the lines of if you really don't feel right about this then please gift the boys a voucher for a specific local toy shop for a small amount. Then they can buy something special which will be from all of their friends. Plus when their friends come over to play, they can have fun with the gift too.

They chose a lovely wooden castle and knights etc to go in it. The boys loved choosing the present and were very aware that it came from all their chums.

I did that for DDs birthday when she was 5 or 6. We were leaving one country to move to another and I'd already gifted five black sacks of toys to the local orphanage.
Most people were about it but understood my reasoning.

Just put "No presents please". I think that's polite and leaves the child's parents in no doubt.