if I write 'please don't feel obliged to bring a present' on DDs party invitations?

[LadyMontdore]

It will be her 4th birthday, about 25 + some siblings invited? Would it be mean of me?

Went to a 5th birthday party where parents requested donation to charity in lieu of gift. Donated to charity but also brought book. Just couldn't see not giving 5 y/o a gift.

Over here (west coast Canada) it is the norm for people to say no gift but if you would like to contribute, half goes to charity, half towards one meaningful gift. There is a company called echoage that started it all but now people DIY.

DS turns 9 and party is Saturday. He chose a local homeless charity which is pretty relevant in the cold weather.

He gets one large gift from us, this year the Lego millennium falcon. Gift from grandparents is ski lessons. We are trying to encourage enjoyment beyond 'stuff'. We have 3 boys in a tiny apartment and aside from the environmental factor there is just not enough space.

Btw, this wasn't forced - I asked DS2 if he would like to do the same (he turns 5 soon) and he said no. For him this means he has to choose some old toys to give away to make room. Either saved for YDS or to the local community centre.

I wanted to do this for dd's fifth party as we invited the whole class. DH wouldn't let me as he thought the other parents might think we were stuck up. Now dd has been at school longer I have to concede he was probably right.

It was a total waste though, she got duplicate games, someone even bought her a SCOOTER! Sadly she already had a scooter and to us that was a 'big gift' something I would buy for her and expect her to be really grateful. I then didnt let dd ride her scooter to school for ages as I didnt want her friend asking why she wasnt using the one that she had given her

One more point

ODS has been voluntarily doing this for the past 4 years - its not an age thing, more down to personality. He likes 'doing good' but also enjoys shopping for one special gift. We send thank you notes explaining what was chosen and friends can come for playdates and enjoy the toy too.

YANBU though I think you could word it better, 'pressies not necessary, just come along for the fun'. (Breitling) is much better.

I only had a couple of big parties, and actually felt a little overwhelmed and grubby and removing the bin bags ful of gifts from the hall. Kids thought it was great, but it left me cold, there was just so much stuff!!! It was generous but just a bit MUCH.

I couldn't turn up to a child's birthday party and not buy them a present

It was ODS's 4th birthday that got us onto this. 15 kids invited to a swimming party. So much fun. Then present opening was chaos and awful. Kids shoving to get their gift opened, gifts barely looked at before moving on to the next. People put money and effort into this but it was impossible for a small child to appreciate that.

Anyway, a lot of people feel this way. All it takes is a couple of parents to start a trend.