To still feel upset and annoyed about this

[lucky4]

3 years on? DD was born 5 weeks early so we ended up in hospital for 2 weeks.She was on a feeding tube and during the night I had to bring her down to the nursery every 3 hours to be fed by midwife..there was also another mum in there alot of the time who was always moaning about lack of sleep,breastfeeding etc and she was often very upset and would bawl her eyes out so we often had a little chat..anyway this night midwife sent me back to my room saying she would bring dd back when she had been fed so away I went..after about 45 minutes theres no sign of dd being brought back so I went down to nursery to find dd cot empty,this woman and midwife were in room and asked midwife where dd was..this woman pipes up shes here(in her arms!!!!)and tells me she was crying so I picked her up..I dont know what was wrong with me I just stood there and midwife told me to go get a cup of tea and come back..as I was leaving room heard midwife telling her to put my dd back in cot..turns out she hadnt been fed either!!! midwife was all sheepish with me after and cant to this day believe I didnt react and go mental..how dare they?what was wrong with me?cant believe how I accepted it and to this day I think of it all the time and get very angry and upset with myself..HOW DARE SOMEONE ELSE PICK UP MY BABY.....another incident in there has also bothered me for not reacting..the lady who comes round to give you fresh jugs of water passed it to me one day directly over dd head..gives me the shivers and wish I had gone mad at her at how stupid She was..feel I let my dd down

Seriously? Get some counselling, because this is not normal. Its so so far away from normal, you need some help with it.

SBH, if you left your newborn in the trust of a MW for a medical intervention, would you expect that MW to hand her over to another mother for a cuddle? Or would you expect the MW to get the intervention over as quickly and safely as possible and then return her to her mother?
If so, then fine. We're all different.

I don't agree with the argument that just because you are annoyed or upset about something years on you clearly have a problem that requires counselling.

You might need counselling, but lots of people hold grudges for years, or get annoyed every time they think of something they see as a significant event in their lives. lucky4 considers this to be a significant event (and the responses on this thread show that she would not necessarily be alone in feeling so). I think the test is whether and to what extent feeling this way affects how you live your life and your relationship with your DD.

Latsia put very well!

My first c section baby kept gagging, the MW told me she would take him away, the stupid cow was too lazy to keep coming to me, when I asked for his return ten minutes later because I couldn't bare being without him, she said no. I cried and started shouting to give my baby back....seemed to work pretty sharpish!! BUT if I had been even a tiny bit more reserved no doubt I would have said okay.

There is something else going on here. Fixating on these minor incidents (and they are minor, your child was not hurt, and you did not let her down) is a sign of some kind of anxiety issue. Are you ok otherwise, OP?

SPB if (and when they were) my DC were being syringe fed I never left them alone, in fact once I'd been shown what to do I did it myself.

I just don't see feeding as "medical intervention" so had I left my baby to be fed by a MW I would a) not necessarily expect it to be done immediately, nor would I b) expect it to be done in privacy. In other words I would imagine it to be quite conceivable that the baby might be (briefly) left in its crib in the feeding room/nursery whilst MW prepped equipment and other people were present.

If in those circumstances my baby cried and a woman who was known to me picked her up to comfort her I can't imagine being particularly concerned about the same even at the time let alone three years later.

On the other hand if we were talking about some medical intervention for which I was prohibited from attending then yes of course I would be terribly cross if following that happening my baby was handed to someone else. But I just don't believe that was the case from the OP.

I agree with the others OP. The someone else picking your baby issue is minor although the midwife should probably have got you instead. The jug of water thing is so minor that I can't believe you even noticed at the time never mind worrying 3 years later.

ssd - what happened to you was cruel and not similar to the OP.

Hi Lucky4, your post really hit home to me. I had a difficult time with the birth of my DD1 and though for the most part I don't think about it(she's six now and there's a DD2 so days are full) I can still be reduced to tears if something suddenly reminds me of that time. From what you've said I think www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk would be well worth a look. They're not a professional organisation but mothers who have experienced traumatic births and can offer support. There's some very pertinent information about the nature of birth trauma, and how difficult it can be to find support. This paragraph caught my eye:
women affected by Postnatal PTSD often find that there is nowhere to turn for support because even other mothers, who have not had traumatising births, can find it hard to understand how affecting a bad birth can be. This can make sufferers lonely and depressed as they often feel they are somehow ?weaker? than other women because they are unable to forget their birth experience, despite being told by others to ?put it behind them?. They may feel incredibly guilty as a result.
Sorry if this is rather long. I'm a first time poster and hoping I'm doing this right.....

If 3 years later you are annoyed you didn't "go mad at someone for being so stupid as to have water near your baby", there is definitely something you need to seek help with. Thats quite clear cut.