To still feel upset and annoyed about this

[lucky4]

3 years on? DD was born 5 weeks early so we ended up in hospital for 2 weeks.She was on a feeding tube and during the night I had to bring her down to the nursery every 3 hours to be fed by midwife..there was also another mum in there alot of the time who was always moaning about lack of sleep,breastfeeding etc and she was often very upset and would bawl her eyes out so we often had a little chat..anyway this night midwife sent me back to my room saying she would bring dd back when she had been fed so away I went..after about 45 minutes theres no sign of dd being brought back so I went down to nursery to find dd cot empty,this woman and midwife were in room and asked midwife where dd was..this woman pipes up shes here(in her arms!!!!)and tells me she was crying so I picked her up..I dont know what was wrong with me I just stood there and midwife told me to go get a cup of tea and come back..as I was leaving room heard midwife telling her to put my dd back in cot..turns out she hadnt been fed either!!! midwife was all sheepish with me after and cant to this day believe I didnt react and go mental..how dare they?what was wrong with me?cant believe how I accepted it and to this day I think of it all the time and get very angry and upset with myself..HOW DARE SOMEONE ELSE PICK UP MY BABY.....another incident in there has also bothered me for not reacting..the lady who comes round to give you fresh jugs of water passed it to me one day directly over dd head..gives me the shivers and wish I had gone mad at her at how stupid She was..feel I let my dd down

I thought you were going to write something shocking like the other woman was breastfeeding your baby.

Get over it.

agree with chas

why can't someone post here about something that is bothering them, something that the poster probably doesn't want to discuss with her dh or her friends, without the experts coming on and saying she has depression, go to your gp, or worse, rubbishing what she is sayng?

op, it is normal to be upset about things like that, my story earlier was about ds who is 10 now, when I think about it I get annoyed but it's just one of those things now

just give your child, not baby (thanks for the correction Kitty) a cuddle and let it go

You're welcome ssd.

ssd no it's not normal to be upset about relatively trivial events, which caused no harm at all 3 years later. It is just not and the fact that the OP is points towards depression or some sort of anxiety disorder.

chas hospital policy may well be that 'strangers' are not permitted to pick up other babies but I, and I'm sure many other mothers, would much prefer that this rule be breached rather than their infant baby be left to cry and if you don't want your Rey young child picked up by someone else then don't leave them with other people for 45 mins

That's "very" young child.

Whatchas and ssd said. You can come here to debrief anytime and some will get what you are saying. You will also have some "helpful" pointers concerning the age of your dd from some in case you have forgotten .

But the baby was only away from her mother to be fed. Not to be cuddled and not fed by some woman the OP didn't know. If the baby was distressed and needed a cuddle why didnt the MW ask the mother to do it?

When you're exhausted sometimes you don't make the best parenting decisions or speak up about things that later seem important. Go easy on yourself. You may never have been under that much pressure before, certainly not in that way.

No harm was done, that's the part to focus on. If you find you are plagued with intrusive thoughts about "what ifs..." this is a symptom of anxiety and you don't need to live that way, counselling, meditation, medication could help. It is quite normal to some degree when you've got this precious baby to protect and the world suddenly seems overwhelmingly threatening.

Looking at it objectively I'd be pissed off at a woman holding my baby and the baby not being fed so why not write to the hospital about that? It might be cathartic and I'd hope you got a response if just to acknowledge your complaint.

SBH the baby was taken away specifically to be fed! That was an incredibly shitty thing to say.

Why is it not acceptable for someone to pick up and comfort a baby? (Genuine confused question).

It is not helpful to tell someone that what they are feeling is perfectly "normal" when it actually isn't. Being still so very upset about something so trivial that happened 3 years ago could very well be an indicator of depression or some sort of anxiety disorder.

Telling her to get over it is not kind or helpful. Suggesting that she seek real life help is.

I don't think holding onto this is doing you any favours at all. You do sound very angry though. I think you may be blowing it out of proportion and are more angry at yourself than anything because you said nothing at the time. Try to move on. I'm sure your DD is fine?

saintly, I'm guessing because if there was cuddling to be done the mother wanted to do it (to her NEWBORN). She was told she couldn't as the baby was being taken away to be fed.

Is this anger (which is irrational IMO) masking something else? X

But this was three years ago. That is a long time to hold onto this. I think some help would be a good idea.

But presumably the baby settled and they thought they were doing the mother a favour by letting her have some rest. Okay so they misjudged her wishes but it's not something that would have been damaging to the baby.

I agree with those who say it's worth seeking some counselling/real life help. The water jug thing suggests anxiety as well, as that's really not something dangerous.

SPB no it's not a shitty thing to say. There was absolutely no reason for the mum to be away from her baby, if she didn't want to be. She chose not to be there, for whatever reason and I'm not judging at all but if that is the choice you make then you have to accept consequences that flow from those - I.e. someone else might pick up your baby.

All parents make errors of judgements/bad or incorrect decisions but holding onto them for years when they were both harmless and trivial is neither helpful or normal.

OP many other posters have suggested seeking help and if this really is troubling you then I would suggest that you do so.

She got told to leave by the midwife. She had just given birth, her baby had health issues she was no doubt feeling vulnerable. Good for you if you're so self assured that you can always stand up for yourself in all circumstances, but do not tell a new mother of an ill baby that she was guilty of poor parenting when she was following the standard hospital procedures. Kicking someone when they're down.

the baby had gone off for medical intervention. If she had gone off for surgery, would you expect them to just hand her to anoher parent at the end?

BTW all I'm saying is I wouldn't have been happy either. I'm not saying it's a sackable offence or she should sue. I also agree with others that if this is still botheribng her now it probably points to something underlying. I'm just not happy about the way people are demening her feelings and belittling her on this thread.

Op-I feel for you. It's not unreasonable to hold onto something like that, but it isn't helpful and I think a chat with your gp about seeing a counsellor might help you to get to grips with how you're feeling about the events surrounding dd's birth. It's not scary, I had a funny time after ds born and I had a few sessions of cbt. It really helped. The posters who say "just let it go" are, in essence, right as it would help you to be able to move on. But it's not always as simple as all that to achieve. Good luck with it all. You need a bit of understanding and I'm sure you dont wake up every morning hoping to think about it all.

I think we all have moments of regret where we didn't respond well at the time, BUT most people would let it go after three years,.

When I was having my first two babies I didn't stand up for myself all of the time, nobody does when they feel vulnerable and at the mercy of others to be looked after. You won't let it happen again, but get it out, write a blog, write a letter of complaint or whatever it takes to let it go.

Oh FFS I'm not telling the OP that she was guilty of bad parenting, simply pointing out that if you leave an infant baby it is not beyond the realms of possibility that they will be picked up if they need comforting.

Neither is the OP a new mum, nor her baby ill anymore. This is three years hence and what happened was barely note worthy then but now it in all likelihood indicates a problem for which the OP should probably seek help. Had she posted at three days post partum then the responses would clearly have been different, not because what happened would be judged more seriously but because the OP's fragility as a new mum would have been considered.

I missed that she got told to leave and that was standard hospital procedure when my DCs were fed in hospital we were always there. No reason not to to be. if I have misunderstood though and the OP was ordered away then obviously that is worthy of complaint. More so in fact than the issues which she initially posted about.

I get what you mean. I had a really traumatic time when my son was born, and 2 years later I was still rolling stuff around my head and getting worked up about it. As in, why didnt I do ... this differently, etc. I can understand that to others, they might seem like small things that you're overreacting about, but when you've been through something horrible, it somehow IS the small stuff that upsets you the most, as odd as that may seem.

Thats just my impur on this. No advice, just that I understand how you feel.