to feel a little upset that ds's friends mom may of said this

[tevion]

Ds is an only dc and I do make an effort to have friends over after school weekends etc.
Ds is not very outgoing and tends to only take to certain people so I therefore tend to concentrate on inviting those children over that he likes.
I usually invite people over once a week in turn I tend to alternate between three of them.
The one lad has just started coming over recently so I have started to invite him each week sometimes every other week.
I realise that I am in danger of looking desperate for playmates for ds but he doesn,t have friends to hang out with in the neirghbourhood.
I have just invited this one lad for a sleepover I text his mom but no reply.
I mentioned to ds that I had not recieved a reply from his mates mom about the sleepover and he said that on speaking to his mate that the mate had said his mom had said it was becoming too frequent at every week and that he needs to spend time with his other friends.
Well I am thinking does once a week hurt really and how mean.
I feel I shouldn,t ask again.
Please what do you think.

Even if you don't expect the reciprocation, she would. Anyone would. Even if you specifically said to her that you don't want her to feel she has to return the invite, manners will dictate she will.

I understand where you are coming from but it isn't mean.

We almost never had playdates at primary- combination of after school activities and working mum/kids at childminder- so 2-3 days a week they were at choir/piano and the other 2/3 they were at the CM and I was at work- you could have invited my child over willingly but I guess, as I wasn't at school pick up then they weren't invited. I could never reciprocate playdate though.

For me that's what half terms were for- that's when the met up with their mates.

My DS is an only, I dont really do "playdates".........you just need to remind yourself that just bacause your DS doesnt have masses of friends that her DS doesnt either. I work f/t so playdates pretty hard anyway but to be honest on the days I can get home early, there is no way I would want a regular arrangement to have his friends over. Maybe when DS was in the first couple of years of school I was a lot keener but now in year 5 I dont arrange as much stuff as I used to.

Just dont take it personally, I am sure she doesnt mean it in a horrid way but but I wouldnt want to commit so something every week, esp a sleepover!

DS generally only goes to a maximum of one friend's house a week -- we may have a friend here one other day and have other stuff arranged for other days. So if he were going to the same friend's house every week then he'd never get to visit any of his other friends.

Does your son do extracurricular activities (Scouts/judo/chess club/St John Ambulance...) at all? That's a good way to spend time with and develop friendships with a number of like-minded people at once.

At age 10 doesn't your DS have homework too? TBH we hardly have playdates during term time because DS1 (year 5) has a bit of homework nearly every day so if he goes to someone else's after school it's really late before his work gets done and the whole evening routine etc becomes a nightmare! Plus DS2 has to have quite a bit of help with his homework so it becomes very stressful for all of us.

Do scouts/woodcraft folk or something.
I don't feel this needy about DD's peers and she's an only.

I would feel the same as the other mum for two reasons; I wouldn't want to reciprocate and would feel guilty if we accepted invitations without inviting back, secondly I don't want ds to spend lots of time away whilst he is young as we enjoy relaxing at home at the weekends. I wouldn't mind the odd sleepover in school holidays but I wouldn't it to be a regular thing.

He's 10 .... Wow thought you were going to say he was 3 or 4!

Don't beat yourself about this, I don't think you've done anything wrong. The other Mum should have spoken to you or text you back, it's just good manners. She could just say no. I do say no sometimes to my younger daughter when homework etc hasn't been done and say to her you can another time.

I read the OP as a one off sleepover, not a weekly event.

I have a DD who is almost 10. I really couldn't do a playdate/sleepover as a regular thing ever week.

First, I'd feel like I had to reciprocate - I know you say it's not necessary but I would feel like it was and sleepovers are the work of the very devil and I bloody hate them

Second, I work - she's at her Dad's every other weekend, I don't get a lot of time with her, I wouldn't want to give that up for a friend every week

Third, we do a lot of after school activities and a family quiet night in with a take away and a DVD is nice for us to bond as a unit, which I feel is very important because I'm a single parent and I want to be sure that the kids feel that we are a unit.

Fourth, if it had been one of the older kids, I just couldn't have run from pillar to post to take one/drop off - and again, I know you said you do it but I would have felt obligated, or I would have been under pressure to be in the house at a set time for you to drop off and that just wouldn't have worked - when you have an older child at training on a Saturday, for example, and the set up is they ring when they're finished, and that finishing time is weather dependent, having even a commit to be in the house at say 1pm for a drop off would be an issue.

Once a week with the same child for a sleepover I would feel is a bit too much of a good thing - I'd be trying to encourage my child to see their other friends too and if you're inviting him every week for one night a week it's a big chunk of weekend time.

Yes, she should have replied, but she't not mean - I think you're coming across as a bit needy and a bit pushy and I would have backed off if I'd been the other mum.

Can't you find an activity your DS likes to do and take him to that?

Also, sorry, but just because you and the other mum have kids the same age doesn't mean you would be friends - you say you're isolated as the mum of an only - why? You should get activities of your own and develop your own circle of friends and not look to your DS to provide them via his friends iyswim?

OP, I think you need to talk face to face with the other mum rather than texting. I know that you don't want the playdates etc reciprocated but from the other mum's viewpoint, I imagine she feels quite pressured/stifled by your need to organise your DS social life when it primarily includes her DS. She should have got back to your text but perhaps she feels that by ignoring you the request for playdates/sleepovers will dwindle to a more manageable level.

Agree with others suggestion of your DS joining clubs to meet more people. And although it will be scary for him to start with as he is shy, in the long run it will improve his confidence.

OP doesn't say anywhere that every weekend is a sleepover with the same boy.
Her DS alternates between 3 friends so each friend is presumably seen every 3rd weekend.
This particular invitation is for a sleepover and the other mum is rude if she hasn't replied.

KittyFane The OP says "The one lad has just started coming over recently so I have started to invite him each week sometimes every other week" which to me sounds like she's inviting the same boy every week.

OP - perhaps his mum would quite like to spend a whole week with her own son? Once a week means that it encroaches on her time or plans with him for four nights a month - that's quite a lot.

The other mom is rude not to reply to OP's texts, very yanbu on that one.

At 10yo they should be organising their own social lives, just involve parent to confirm the details. That is probably what the other mom means.

OP, might be better off taking your DS to clubs (Scouts, Judo, etc.) to give him social outlets. most the onlies we know seem to do A LOT of clubs.