Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to still send dd1 to the cm even though i'm on mat leave

60 replies

MarmiteMagic · 31/01/2012 16:20

Dd1 is 2 and has been going to a cm since I returned to work last january. The cm is brilliant with her and after hearing various horror stories of childcare I'm very anxious not to lose her so DP and I decided to keep sending dd1 3 days a week whilst I'm on mat leave with dd2.

Dd1 loves the cm, she's always happy to go (in fact she barely gives me a backwards glance) and she gets on really well with the other mindees. I make sure on the days it's just me and the girls that we do something fun (even if it's just making a den out of the dining table and a sheet) and at the weekends DP is here with us too. We spend loads of time together as a family and actively doing stuff with dd1 (rather than just passively looking after her). So why does everyone look at me like I've got two heads when I say we still use our cm? Surely its the same as having a nanny?

The only other alternatives are to a) pay a retainer or b) keep fingers crossed that she's still got places when I go back to work for dds 1 and 2

So what do you think? AIBU?

OP posts:

RitaMorgan · 31/01/2012 17:24

I work in a nursery and we have lots of 2 year olds that come 2-3 mornings a week while their mums are at home, often with a younger sibling. I don't think any feel excluded

WilsonFrickett · 31/01/2012 17:35

I don't think you're BU, at all. I mean, I probably wouldn't have her there from 8 - 6, but I would definitely keep the place and keep her going. Why upset her routine if she enjoys it? And if she suddenly seems a bit clingy or that she doesn't want to go, then you'd know and take action accordingly. I don't see anything wrong with it, but then I was known to take the odd day off work and still send DS to nursery...

Sidalee7 · 31/01/2012 17:42

My ds1 loved it when I was on mat leave with his younger sibling, although I have a larger gap and can imagine a 2 year gap could be v challenging.

I felt like he would feel he was being excluded. My friend has just had her second, her youngest goes to pre school, then childcare and definately feels excluded.

tunnocksteacake · 31/01/2012 18:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Meglet · 31/01/2012 18:11

Yanbu. DS went to nursery one morning a week when I was on mat leave.

Nursery is far more fun than being at home. At least he could see his little friends and do messy things and he wasn't stuck in front of cbeebies.

KnittingNovice · 31/01/2012 18:22

Yanbu, when dd was born I kept sending ds to the cm for 2 days a week, he had been there fulltime. I was then made redundant and continued to send him for 1 day and dd for 1 day. For me it meant that they learnt social skills & gives me 1-2-1 time with each of hem.

madaboutmadmen · 31/01/2012 18:25

I'd do it definitely, apart from giving you time it also gives DD a change of scene and chance to mix with other kids which is good for her. you're actually doing her good I'd say.

MidnightinMoscow · 31/01/2012 18:27

YANBU.

I am also pregnant with DC2, and DS will be 2.3 when the baby arrives.

I am dropping his nursery days from 3 to 2, but thats purely for cost reasons.

However, I'll be returning to work after this mat leave and so I don't want to pull DS out of nursery to have to re-start in 9 months time.

DS loves nursery, and I plan to make sure DS and I spend quality time alone together, as best as we can, when the baby is here.

Guitargirl · 31/01/2012 18:44

YANBU. DD had just turned 2 when DS was born. She started going to playgroup 3 mornings a week and I did all the settling in stuff with her - staying with her for a few mornings - when I was 8 months pregnant. Those 3 mornings meant that the house didn't become a total tip. It was 2.5 hours, DS basically slept for the first 4 months of his life and when DD was at playgroup, I would run around tidying and sorting out the washing which meant that when I picked DD up I was all hers for the rest of the day. And she got to start making some mates there - some of whom are still her friends 3 years later.

BrandyAlexander · 31/01/2012 18:48

Yanbu at all. For a number of reasons, my friend regretted pulling her dc1 out of nursery when she was at home on mat leave. I think you're being v sensible.

slowburner · 31/01/2012 18:50

YANBU, I will drop the hours as DD attends as and when a sibling arrives but would ensure at least 2 full days so I can get jobs done and 1 on 1 things with DC2. I'm hoping to plan it so DD will get free sessions as DC starts whenni return to work.

MosEisley · 31/01/2012 18:56

YANBU. Most people I know, myself included, have kept a reduced amount of their childcare during their mat leave - to retain their place with a good provider, keep consistency for the child, allow the child to keep other benefits of childcare - e.g. messy play, social time, to allow the baby to actually get some attention, and to allow the Mum a bit of time to rest!

Thereistoomuchconfusion · 31/01/2012 19:47

My dd1 started preschool just after dd2 was born. She loved it and it gave me 5 hours a week to clear up play with the baby. Sit and coo over dd2. It helped gain my sanity back!

Plus dd1 used to say in the car 'poor baby is too young for school she can come with me when she is a bit older' she certainly didn't feel excluded she felt sorry for her little sister not being able to go to play school.

cambridgeferret · 31/01/2012 19:55

YANBU.
DD1 went to the childminders as normal when I was having DD2. I thought it was more important to keep her normal routine going and to keep her CM place.

didireallysaythat · 31/01/2012 20:02

YANBU

I sent DD1 to preschool when I was on maternity leave and at home with DD2. And then when DD2 started nursery 2 weeks before I went back to work at 4 months. I didn't tell anyone. I had 2 weeks all to myself. And I don't regret it at all.

Bogeyface · 31/01/2012 20:36

No one would question you sending a child to school would they?! Its the law therefore no one considers if a school aged child would feel pushed put, they just have to deal with it. I see no difference here. Anyway, it is obviously good for her given how happy she is, and she would probably become quite a handful without her friends to muck in with. Social interaction with peers is vastly underated for very small children, all ages need others their age to play with. It helps develop their sense of self as they see themselves in the other children and learn how to behave and compromise. You could find she takes some steps backwards without that.

And as has been mentioned, good childcare is like hens teeth so when you've got it, hang on to it! You would have to pay for the care anyway in terms of a retainer so why not use it?

YWBVVU if you were to give it up imo!

WilsonFrickett · 31/01/2012 20:40

Very good point about school Bogey.

Ciske · 31/01/2012 20:42

I intend to leave DD in nursery one day a week when on ML, mainly to keep her in the habit of going - she loves nursery now, but it might be a difficult return if she's out for 6 months and doesn't remember the staff and other children as well. She'll also keep at least a day with her GPs, for the same reason.

This way she'll be spending more time at home without losing her routine completely, plus I get a few days with just new baby, which will be nice as well.

pointythings · 31/01/2012 20:50

I did this too - dropped off later and picked up earlier, but kept DD1 in 5 days a week while on mat leave with DD2. The reasoning was simple:

DD1 had had one to one with me, so I wanted to give DD2 at least 6 months of the same
Establishing bf
It was something DD1 didn't have to share with her baby sister - it made her feel grown up and helped her accept the new baby.

We told DD1 from the word go that when I went back to work, DD2 would also go to nursery - but that DD2 would be in the baby group and DD1 would be in the big children's group.

It all worked really well for us and kept a lot of good routines going.

motherinferior · 31/01/2012 20:57

I sent DD1 to the CM three days a week (from four) when I had my second (four-month) maternity leave. She had nice things to do and her own life where people concentrated on her not on the new baby; I got the chance to catch my breath and be with the new baby; it was nice.

motherinferior · 31/01/2012 20:58

Actually I reckon DD1 would have missed her little world like mad if I'd pulled her out of it to be with an exhausted hag.

Bogeyface · 31/01/2012 21:02

But would she not have been with you mother? :o

motherinferior · 31/01/2012 21:12

I have to say I remember being at home with my mum when my sister was born, and feeling very bored and left out at all this attention on the baby.

Vinomum · 31/01/2012 21:17

DS1 stayed at nursery 3 days a week when I was on mat leave with DS2. Reasons were:
1 - to keep the place the the (fab) nursery
2 - to give DS1 some continuity amidst all the change with having a new baby around
3 - to give me a break from looking after 2 kids under 3 (perhaps that should be number 1...)
4 - to give me quality time with DS2 like the quality one to one time that I had with DS1 when he was born. He deserved it too!

breatheslowly · 31/01/2012 21:26

If I had a second, DD would definitely continue to go to nursery. She loves it there, they do loads of fun things that we don't do at home and loves the social interaction. There is no way I would be able to drop it and then guarantee to get her a place when I needed it again as our brilliant nursery generally only has spaces in the baby room. Having a little baby is hard work and sometimes they just want to lie on you which isn't conducive to entertaining a boisterous toddler. It will give you the opportunity to go to the sort of baby activities that you went to with your first DD and give your new DC more of a first child type focus. You can also do the "sleep when the baby sleeps" thing rather than being up half the night then all day with your DD. I would concede that I have no idea how anyone looks after more than one child at a time, so the idea of having two at home really does nothing for me.

I'd be interested to know whether the people who have responded "no way" to this are SAHM or use childcare themselves (albeit reluctantly).

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread