to think that most people would not say that they had a happy childhood.

[shewhowines]

Just reaching the big 4 0 and contemplating life!

I look back on my childhood and remember the tears of not getting what I wanted. Money wasn't exactly overflowing either, but I would say that generally I had a very happy childhood.

From talking to friends in the past, I am left with the impression that I was lucky, and that most people cannot say that they had a happy childhood.

AIBU?

I had a happy childhood my mum thinks i am blocking things out We had no money and it was hard but I have happy memories and the things we did were fun.

I know many people who moan about their childhoods but unfortuantly it is the people who had "picture perfect" childhoods that remember them as hard.

I worry with my own kids that things might be too nice and life too stable. I will have to take the fuse out every once in a while and pretend we have to electricity or go and get some food from a bin even if we have a fridge full of food

This is really nice to read as I had quite an unhappy childhood which I think I am only now starting to process since I have become a parent. Lots of people round me also had crappy upbringings so it's good to hear the other side!

I wouldn't exactly say happy, but I don't think I can complain much either. Certainly I enjoy being an adult far, far, far more than being a child. I'm a much happier person since I left home.

My parents generally supported some of the things I wanted to do (music lessons, school trips etc) and made the effort to turn up to parents' evenings and anything I was in at school (plays, that sort of thing). We got presents at birthdays and Christmas, not mountains of stuff but not two lumps of coal in a sock either. I got a decent education and was able to go to University and not be in debt, so that's obviously a good thing which I am frequently grateful for- I've had a decent start in life.

On the downside:

I didn't have much in the way of friends as a child, we lived out of the way with no other kids around. And I was bullied pretty much the whole time at school so that was basically a permanent source of low-grade misery until I was 17.

We never did anything together as a family: no holidays, no shared weekend activities, no walks in the park even. At the time I didn't really question it but looking back with experience I find myself wondering why my parents had children at all if they weren't that bothered about spending much time with them..

I'm now concentrating on trying to fill a decent portion of DD's time with fun so she'll have some good memories of a mummy and daddy who gave their time to do stuff with her.

I had a generally happy childhood, but there were bad bits. Unfortunately I suspect the bad bits affected my disposition more than the good bits.
The most important things were present though - love, food, shelter and friendship.

Mine had good and bad. My dad was distant (I literally never spoke to my dad, even though we lived in the same house - I didn't realise how weird this was til well into my 20s) my mum had an awful temper and we would creep about hoping she wouldn't suddenly erupt over something. Didn't get on with my brother and we would just wind each other up.

I was bullied or ignored through most of school, did well at primary but just gave up at secondary because I didn't have much support.

On the other hand, my gran was great and we spent a lot of time together. I lived in a small, safe town and we could wander about from morning til night without anyone asking where we were.

another halcyon days childhood...siblings , animals, friends, farm dam to swim in the lee long day,lovely state schools,glut of fresh fruit and milk.Sandy beaches.Same for our now grown children all over the world.Look at my nickname.Very grateful and blessed.

Impossible to know really. One persons 'happy' is another persons 'alright' and another persons 'boring' etc

Aside from really major traumas like death of a parent or abuse, I think this has a lot to do with an individual's perspective. People from the same family can view the same events differently anyway- eg I used to feel my mum was rather bored and frustrated during the years we were teenagers, and that this led to family tension. My brother on the other hand was genuinely surprised when I mentioned this recently and obviously never felt it

I was born in the late 1960's and I reckon mine was very happy up until the age of 9. We lived next to a farm and I spent days roaming the fields, riding bikes, building dens and meeting up with my friends from the local primary school. My Grandparents lived next door and they were great fun and very creative. They were hugely supportive when things got tough. I had one older brother and that relationship was pretty fraught - looking back I guess I annoyed the hell out of him!

There was a definite 'watershed' moment when I turned 9 and my mum got very ill. She spent the next 3 years in and out of hospital and family life sort of fell apart in many ways. My 'safe' view of the world was shattered and I guess childhood kind of ended then. She eventually died when I was 12 and this whole episode was deeply traumatic. Dad, in his wisdom, moved a 'new woman' in 6 months after mum died and I can honestly say that the next 6 years were pretty hellish. It was a massive relief to leave home at 18. All in all the early part of my childhood was pretty amazing and I have some wonderful memories which I cherish. The values instilled in me in those early years are the ones I want to pass on to my 4 children.

((((Blackberryjam))))

I had a great childhood. My family are still very close now and my main memories of childhood are festivals, adventures in the VW camper van, walking through the countryside and being a generally very hippy happy child. We had our bad times, my Mum was diagnosed with cancer in 1990 when I was 7 (it's come back again and again since, and she is having chemo again now), so that's always been there, but my Mum's such a force of positivity it never really impacted that strongly on us kids. My main memory of that when I was actually a child, was of my Mum shaving her head (instead of losing her hair) and letting us draw flowers and doodles on her bald bit

We didn't have much money, and only went on holiday abroad once when I was 13. We never got everything we wanted, and often didn't get our pocket money etc but we never minded...money isn't everything.

So sorry to hear about your Mum Blackberryjam - I wasn't meaning to be insensitive posting my happy post straight afterwards, I didn't read all the posts (((rare MN hug)))

I had a very happy childhood. I was loved unconditionally. That's what I remember. Money was very tight at times. That is not what I remember though.

Mine was mixed, but honestly I would say more unhappy than happy. I was bullied at a 'rough' school and had no friends for years, I hated my siblings (abuse and violence), my parents were suffocatingly over-protective and simultaneously very negative and critical, I didn't get on with my mum (the boys were always favoured) and I remember her screaming at me and hitting me a lot. Actually I remember her dragging me by my hair and banging my head against the wall, though she denies this ever happened.

But then we had food and shelter and enough money to get by, a decent education with plenty of support at home and a house full of books, music lessons, bike rides, beautiful countryside nearby, good health and a stable family unit. Could have been a lot worse.

Being an adult is much much better though. I remember how angry and frustrated I felt as a child, how desperate I was to be 'grown up' and independent, and some days I still can't believe how lucky I am to be finally there :)

We didn't have much money, my mum worked nights and was constantly jet lagged, my brother was very ill, dad worked long hours and wasn't very involved with us kids. But that was all i knew! I managed to have a childhood that mostly involved climbing trees and playing with friends, the only thing I really remember about the multiple hospital visits was a large grey rocking horse and a lovely nurse called ursula. I suppose I must have been a resilient child, i still have a big appreciation of the freedom that I was allowed - disappearing off to play after breakfast and not reappearing until hungry. My mum is astonished that I only remember positive stuff from my childhood, for her it was absolute hell.

One thing I do massively differently with my kids though is hug them and kiss them and tell them that I love them all the time. I don't ever want them to think for a second that they are not adored unconditionally. Maybe I'm overcompensating for a lack of emotional connection to my own parents during my childhood. That never changed with my dad really sadly, but my mum and I are very close now. Although she froze last week when my 5 year old son told her that he loved her, she had no clue how to respond

Thinking about it, I never remember any hugging, kissing or saying 'I love you' from my childhood. Not between my mum and dad, or between them and us - we just didn't do that stuff. Actually until I came on MN, I thought stuff that only happened in movies/TV.

some people do.
i didn't. but anyone else might have had my childhood and found it ok. nah, don't think so.

To gotthemoononastick and ScarletLady'... Thank you for the ((())) and kind comments. Scarlet - really hope your mum is OK. It sounds as if she has a great sense of humour and a lot of positive strength. Take care.

My mum never told me she loved me, although I know she did. She laughs when I hug my children goodbye. She wouldn't have dreamed of kissing me when I went into school. I still force a kiss onto my 9yo who promptly wipes it off. I'm guessing that was normal in the 70's/80's.

My childhood was fucking horrible and I don't think I'm unreasonable in saying that. My parents were pretty broke for much of it but that wasn't realy an issue from my POV because I didn't know any different. What was an issue was the fact that we received no affection - literally, none - from my mother at any point. No encouragement, no praise, no expression of even liking us, at all, ever. She was cold, short-tempered, hostile, volatile and contemptuous. I do not remember her hugging me even once. She frequently lashed out at us physically and we were - in my opinion - neglected both emotionally and physically (my younger sister once broke her toe and when she went to my mother and showed her, my mother just dismissed her, wouldn't take her to the doctor, wouldn't give her any painkillers. My mother was, and is, a nurse).

My overriding memory of my childhood is of paralysing anxiety which was pretty much constant until my late teens, and a desperate longing for some kind of positive interaction with my mother. The latter went away when I was about 10 or 11, I think, because I'd figured out that it was never going to happen and given up. I do think it fucked me up. In fact, I'm just off into town to see if I can get a copy of some kind of "How To Get Over Your Mother Not Giving A Fuck" self-help book, FML.

I had a lovely childhood, was loved and had lots of attention.
Poor but honest family.
My parents were low income and then became students so money was so tight to the extent I can remember my dad emptying out all his pockets to find enough change to buy me sweets when we were on holiday.

Holidays were a bus ride to a caravan. No car,
Was never smacked and in return i don't smack my children.
some of my best memories are of the 70's power cuts when the electricity went out I would play cards by candle light with my parents. Things were tough for my parents as well, I remember their weekly treat of one bottle of beer each every friday, to celebrate the weekend, and my dad would buy me a cream cake every Saturday.
I can't ever remember either of them saying that they wanted more money or material goods.