Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Can I legally move my daughter so she lives with me?

39 replies

sophia1986 · 30/01/2012 17:22

Hi all,
Basically, I split up with DD's dad early last year and moved out of the family home due to abuse. I was pressured into leaving my DD with her nan by my ex and his family. He soon moved his new girlfriend in to our flat and I have since found out that he is leaving our DD with his girlfriend for hours on end while he is at work and not asking me if I could have her. I am uneasy about this as I hardly know her and nor does he,really.

There is no formal arrangement between the two of us. She is with her nan to carry on her education. I live in the next county over and I want her to come and live with me. I am the only parent on the birth certificate and have been told that I have full parental responsibility and only I can make decisions about my daughter,including moving her out of school,as told to me by social services before christmas. But today, they went back on this and said I would need to get legal advice.

Has anyone been in a similar position? My personal situation is very complex so the above is not the whole picture,its just a brief outline.

Thanks

OP posts:
McHappyPants2012 · 30/01/2012 17:26

I would speak to a solicitor or the CAB

squeakytoy · 30/01/2012 17:27

I think legal advice is definately the only way forwards. It sounds way too complicated for anyone on here to give a definitive answer to, without knowing the full case history.

JustHecate · 30/01/2012 17:30

I agree with McHappy.

But I think - I stress THINK, because I am not a lawyer or anything - that if there's nothing set down by the court re custody or anything, then either parent can 'take' the child. Surely you're in a stronger position because he isn't named on the birth certificate?

Get legal advice.

GypsyMoth · 30/01/2012 17:30

So he doesn't have PR?

The courts would grant it v quickly and easily. So I guess it's nit the biggest issue. Your dd's main carer is her gran?

How old is your dd?

troisgarcons · 30/01/2012 17:31

What does your daughter want?

Memoo · 30/01/2012 17:33

How old is dd?

NatashaBee · 30/01/2012 17:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Moominsarescary · 30/01/2012 17:35

How old is your daughter and what does she want, my friends ex refused to give one of children back one weekend , she was 8 and even though his ex wife had residency the police and ss refused to move her, as she wanted to stay where she was and it went to court

Birdsgottafly · 30/01/2012 17:42

I would get legal advice,however you could knock on the door and demand your DD. Her nan has actually entered into a 'private fostering' arangement and this should have been reported to SS after 6 weeks. This is a new law that was updated last year because of the amount of deaths of children from oversees, living with relatives.

The court will not grant residency over a person with PR,unless the childis expressing a wish to stay there or the person has had the child longer than the child has lived with the person that holds PR.

Do you have contact?

Birdsgottafly · 30/01/2012 17:45

They could counter claim and say that you have abandoned her, so get advice asap.

Can you txt/email so that you have proof of contact? Personally if i wanted her back i would knock on the door, you can definately remove her out of the gf's care.

WorraLiberty · 30/01/2012 17:47

I assumed it was reported to SS as the OP mentions their advice.

Birdsgottafly · 30/01/2012 17:49

But the OP says that there is no formal arrangement, there must be if SS has investigated, they would havwe asked the OP's intentions.

WorraLiberty · 30/01/2012 18:01

Ah yes that's true Birds

In that case I wonder how they manage with Doctor's/Dentist's/Hospital appointments and such like?

springydaffs · 30/01/2012 18:09

Call Womens Aid 0808 2000 247 who will give you legal advice as well as a listening ear. They are the experts on all issues relating to domestic abuse and will know how you can proceed, as well as giving you a list of solicitors you can try. They will also give you advice on how to pay or apply for legal aid etc. First half hour with a family solicitor is often free, and you'd be surprised what you can get through in half an hour. Get all the details written out in preparation so you don't take too long telling the story - after talking to Womens Aid it should help you to get the story down to a manageable length.

I wish you the very best with this OP.

Wittsend13 · 30/01/2012 18:40

Sorry OP but they can say you've abandoned her as you left and didn't take her with you. I would suggest posting this is legal and seeing what advice can be offered there.

I personally would do this:

Take my child back as soon as possible and not let them know I'm taking for back for good. Now I know this will have some people up in arms but that's me and that's what I would do. I wish you luck

Heswall · 30/01/2012 18:45

Possession is 9/10th's of the law, I thnk you should go and get her asap.

balia · 30/01/2012 18:56

Legal advice, definitely - and be really careful about advice like 'go take her' as the current arrangements have been in place for a year - I think he would have good grounds for an ex-parte order to have the child returned. I think you would be much better to do things in the right way, organising and attending mediation and trying to come to some agreement.

Snatching a child of school age would be very traumatic for her and would inflame the situation massively.

Wittsend13 · 30/01/2012 18:58

Balia, would it still be classed as snatching if the OP has full guardianship?

festi · 30/01/2012 20:01

I would not take her but definatly seek legal advice as if you removed her then they get an order pretty much within the day and unfortuantly you could be forced to return her, and the fact she has been with them Im afraid would go in his favour.

This may not be the case if you got good legal advice and followed what they suggest.

Original poster
sophia1986 · 30/01/2012 20:11

thanks for the replies, ive had issues with this thread being duplicated for some reason! SS only got involved to give 'advice' over the phone,I have no case worker or anything. They went against the advice they gave me before christmas. My DD is six,and I feel she is too young to decide who she wants to stay with.

I feel like I was bullied into leaving her behind,it tore me apart to leave her and it still does.My GP said it sounds like my ex psychologically abused me during our relationship. My ex is not on the birth certificate,he had been given several opportunities to go on the certificate. It seems to be whoever I talk to has a different view/advice on what to do and that goes for solicitors as well and its driving me mad.

Im also having issues trying to contact her - she was given a mobile phone for christmas - yet its hardly ever answered and when i ring my ex's phone, that is also hardly ever answered so trying to find out how she is,is very difficult and frustrating. I havent abandoned her, I want her here with me and I have always made that apparent to my ex.

OP posts:
Wittsend13 · 30/01/2012 20:27

I know you say you haven't abandoned her but unfortunately the law might not see it like you do. You really need to contact a family law solicitor. If you haven't already post this in legal. There are plenty of people who can advise you better.

WorraLiberty · 30/01/2012 20:31

When was the last time you saw her OP?

Heswall · 30/01/2012 20:39

I paid £20,000 for advice from solicitors who condradicted themselves, legal advice is just that, opinion and expensive.
If you go and get your child and police come to your door, you show them her birth certificate and they will be satisified that she is with her mother.

troisgarcons · 30/01/2012 20:40

Got to be honest with you - and perhaps playing devils advocate - you left an abusive relationship yet felt able to leave without your 6yo.

Personally, I'm not going to judge because I wasnt in your shoes at the time - however that will be thrown at you if you go to court. You can make allegations of abuse towards your EX but the fact remains you left your child with him. She's now been living with her GP for a year and is presumably happy, well adjusted and at school, with friends and her own fledgling social life.

Why would any court upset that because you want her to live with you?

And again, playing devils advocate - not neccessarily my personal opinion - but society (and ultimately a court) will judge you, as a woman, for leaving her behind when you 'escaped'.

festi · 30/01/2012 20:43

I would talk to wonas aid as they will have knowledge on the DV as well as advice about the law.

I think they greay area is although he does not have PR he does have the child with him and it will be viewed this was a voluntary arrangement made by you. That is why you are recieving conflicting advice, as an oreder can and will be made very quickly if you remove dd.

I would begin to keep a diary or contact when it occurs and when it fails and begin to built a case for residancy or at least a contact order. I dont think at 6 a judge would make is decission based on solely on what your dd says, they may involve a cafcas worker to carry out an assessment etc, howeverr I would talk to someone from womans aid just now.

Swipe left for the next trending thread